Monday, January 24, 2011

You Have to Be "Uniquely" Ugly to Get Into Hollywood if You're Ugly

See that man at the top of the page? That man is ugly. Not Nic Cage ugly, but ugly all the same. And before you go and start saying, "You're not ugly." Stop. I know what I am and I'm not bitter about it. I've had 27 years with this ugly mug to know that I'm not winning any beauty contests any time soon. In the words of the great philosopher, Plato, I'm no prized pig. (He didn't actually say that, but I had you fooled for a moment, didn't I? No? Well, who asked you?)

But the thing is, as I mentioned earlier, I'm not Nic Cage ugly, and that, besides the fact that I can't act to save my life, is why I will never be a Hollywood bigshot. I'm just ugly. I'm not uniquely ugly. The truth is, if you want to get into Hollywood, you have to be a stud. And if you're not a stud--and you're not Dustin Hoffman or Tom Hanks, who define normal looking--then you have to be ugly. But again, you have to be uniquely ugly. Don't believe me? Then just check out the pics below and tell me that I'm not right.

Nic Cage
(Image taken from: This is his, "Der" face)

William H. Macy

(Image taken from:

Danny DeVito
(Image taken from:

Philip Seymour Hoffman
(Image taken from:

And my all-time-fave uniquely ugly looking actor.

Steve Buscemi
(Image taken from:

There are dozens more. Can you name a few?

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