Sunday, January 16, 2011

Seeking: Co-Writer for Proposed Step Up Sequel: Step Up 4 Your Rights

(Note: This is purely satirical. So just relax).

Dear future writing partner:

First, there was Step Up. Then, there was Step Up 2 (Two, the number) the Streets. And finally, there was Step Up 3D. It may not be obvious, but if there's another movie in the Step Up canon, Hollywood is going to need to put a 4 in that title somewhere. That said, I propose to write the sequel. Are you sitting down for this? No? Okay. Well, if you don't want to sit down, then, for God's sake, at least put on some pants.

I'll wait.

Okay, thanks. (That was kind of gross).

Anyway, I propose that we (Yes, we, you plus I) write the next movie in the Step Up series. And what will it be called? Well, Step Up 4 Your Rights, of course.

(Image taken from: Seen here: S-1W's, stepping up for your rights.)

Now, the plot of Step Up 4 Your Rights is both simple and confusing to the point that it doesn't make any sense at the same time. A white girl from a rich neighborhood will meet a poor black guy from the slums who everyone has given up on. But, the truth of the matter is, this poor black fellow is actually a breakdancing scientist from the future, and he's created a time machine and traveled back to the past, which will be our present.

Now, rival scientists are trying to shut him down. But when the aforementioned white girl (Who I've already written in the script to have quite a budunka dunk for a white girl) stumbles upon his place, she winds up getting taken back in time to the civil rights movement, where Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. are having some choice words with each other.

(Picture taken from: "I have a get down!")

Now, this will be a bit of revisionist history, but it's cool. I'm black. So Al Sharpton won't come after me.

In my story, Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X are going to be rivals, because people like to see confrontation on screen. In reality, they were both great, great men who did a lot to shape America in very positive ways. Their views were different but they had similar hopes for mankind in the end of both of their lives. But I'm going to ditch that scenario and make it all like X-Men, namely, making MLK like Professor X, and Malcolm X like Magneto. Most people in the audience probably won't really care since they'll be so dazzled by the great dance sequences.

(Image taken from: "By any means necessary...I will win this dance competition")

"Dance sequences?!" you say while spitting out your food. That's right. Instead of violence, I have it in the script that their rivalry will be set up like a dance competition where in order to win America's heart, they're going to have to show who's the baddest on the dance floor. Now, I already know what you're saying--people are going to be very offended by this. But here's the beauty of it. I made up a chart. Okay, yeah, you're right, it's just a piece of construction paper with a circle drawn on it with marker, but hear me out.

(Image taken from: Target audience)

Who is our target audience here? Kids. Kids and the people who enjoyed the previous movies. That said, we're not going to get any of the older community who might take offense to it. If anything, most of them will probably just protest the film, which will get even MORE butts in the seats. Do you see where I'm going here with this? This movie could be big.

But, oh, right, back to the story. So, yeah, you're probably thinking, what about the time traveler and his white girlfriend (They hook up, mid-movie. Sorry I didn't mention that earlier). Well, their relationship causes quite a bit of controversy, what with this taking place in the 60s after all when race relations are at their worst. But white girl, who I haven't really given a name to yet, I might just keep her as white girl, will show them that she can really move, and both MLK and Malcolm X will be vying to get her on their team.

And oh, yeah, Cesar Chavez will be in it, too.

(Image taken from: "We want equal rights!...And to sign up for the competition")

I know, I know, they worked in different time periods and fought for different things, but we don't want to alienate the Hispanic community.

Anyway, so I don't have an ending to it yet, but that's where I thought you could come i--hey, wait. Where are you going? I didn't think it was THAT offensive. Come back! This could make your career! MAKE-YOUR-CAREER!

(Image taken from: Malik Yoba)

Oh, well. I guess that just means more money for me. Maybe Malik Yoba could play MLK. Hmm...

1 comment:

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