Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Which Condiment Really Tastes Richer?: Grey Poupon or Polaner All Fruit?

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When I was younger and fatter, there were two commercials that always made me feel like I wanted to grow up faster, and they were both for condiments. One was for Polaner's All Fruit, which you can watch below.

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And the other was for Grey Poupon (Pronounced, Grey Poop on), which is also below.

Now, what made these seem like such adult foods, is that you always saw old white people eating them and then scoffing at the fools who would call them "jelly" ("Would you please pass the jelly?" says slack jawed buffoon), or wish to have some Grey Poupon but couldn't quite afford it. Back then, I always used to think, wow, when I'm old and white, I can't wait to try those.

But you know what, being of an adult age and having the ability to eat candy for breakfast if I want to, I've actually grown to realize that those commercials were full of crap. And you know HOW I know this? Well, because I've tried them! Both of them! And neither of them would go well with my Escargot or Caviar, which I usually smoosh together for a meal I call Cavirgot (Trademark pending), which sounds like a pirate when you think about it.

Even so, after trying both, I've come to the conclusion that Polaner's is no better than the jelly that they used to serve in school with the bagels. That said, Grey Poupon is actually pretty good. I just had some on my sandwich and it has a slightly sharper taste than regular mustard. And if you asked me to take a taste test with a blindfold on, I might even just pick Grey Poupon, as it is slightly more distinct than just regular mustard. It really is. I don't know if I'd drive around in a fancy car eating it like this dope:

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But it's still pretty good. I approve.

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