Sunday, July 17, 2011

Rap Concerts Suck

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This week, I'm going to go see Huey Lewis and the News live in concert with my fiance. And it's going to be awesome. And you know how I know that it's going to be awesome? Just read the first sentence again. Huey Lewis...and the News. I mean, just watch.

Granted, that was back in 1985, when Huey Lewis WAS the news because he was all over the place. And of course, I'm sure he won't be so into it today being that he's quite a bit older now. But I'm also sure that it will still be awesome, and you know why? Because I'm sure he still knows how to put on a show. But you know who CAN'T put on a show? Just about every rapper on the planet, because rap concerts are awful.

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Usually, it's just a bunch of black guys standing around bopping their heads while the person rapping at the time is unintelligible. One of the greatest examples of this is when I went to go see the Wu-tang Clan, which was one of my favorite groups growing up. When I went to go see them, I was psyched. The Rza, the, NOT the 'Ol Dirty Bastard, as he was dead by now, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Raekwon the Chef, Ghostface Killah, aaaaand (psst, and Masta Killah) the M-E-T-H-O-D Man. I'll tell you, bwoi, I was SO excited. But what I got instead was a whole bunch of garbage.

I knew every single one of the songs that they performed and I couldn't understand a single word they said. It was awful. It was also incredibly boring. And they kept telling us to throw our hands in the air, and that's another thing about rap concerts. Most of them, or at least, the ones I'VE been to, are all the same. I'll bet you don't go to a single one where they don't tell you to throw your hands up at least once during their performance. It's pathetic.

I have another example. I once went to Lollapalooza in Chicago a few years back. And while I know you can't really judge a band when you go to those big concerts since they usually don't give it their all there, I have to tell you, I saw the greatest show I've ever seen in my entire life there by a group called Gogol Bordello.

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They're a bunch of gypsies, and man, do they put on a show. Violins were blazing, the singer was nuts, there were these giant drums, and it was just insane.

But at that very same concert (Lolla was three days, I think), I had to have seen the very worst performance in my entire life, too. And it was from none other than that asshole, Kanye West, who was so awful I wanted to punch somebody in the face after I saw it. First off, he compared himself to John Lennon, which made me throw up a little in my mouth. And then, he actually had the nerve (THE NERVE!) to sit down and rap for a little while. I mean, WHAT?! Sitting down? At your own concert? And comparing yourself to John Lennon? Well, I had had just about enough. I left him and went across the park where Wilco was playing and they were actually pretty good. I mean, Gawd, ANYTHING would have been better than Kanye. Even this.

Seriously. The only rap concert that was actually pretty good was from this little-known rapper named Mr. Lif.

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He was just nuts. He was all over the place, swinging his dreads and getting the people to move. He was awesome. But all the rest of the rap acts I've seen on stage? Absolute trash. Not even worth the money. Rap concerts suck. Save your money. This has been my PSA.


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