Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Chester Resident Works To Eradicate Alzheimer’s

Five point three million people nationwide are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. And 350,000 of those people are from New Jersey.

Senior Vice President, Market Expansion, for Eisai Corporation, and Board member of the Greater New Jersey, Alzheimer’s Association, Frank Ciriello, doesn’t like those figures.

“I find it to be a very strange disease,” Ciriello says, who has been a board member for the Alzheimer’s Association for the past four years now, “When you look at somebody who has it, they may look fine. But then you look at them and they don’t remember who you are. It’s a very destructive disease.”

So destructive, that Ciriello and many others get together every year for the annual Alzheimer’s Association Polo Classic, which was cancelled this year and pushed to next year due to excessive rain that interfered with both dates on June 20th and the 27th.

“The rain affected the fields,” says Judith Julian, Director of Communications and Marketing for the Alzheimer’s Association of the Greater New Jersey Chapter, “When you have polo players and horses, you have to watch the fields.”

The Polo Classic, when it occurs, is a way for residents to combat Alzheimer’s Disease by featuring world-class polo players competing before thousands of corporate sponsors and attendees. There are also other activities there that garner funds, such as face painting and an antique and classic car display for all to see.

“As a board member, one of the things I [think is], how can we find additional ways to get money to people in the New Jersey area [with Alzheimer’s Disease],” Ciriello says.

And while the money is definitely helpful, Ciriello doesn’t believe that money is everything when it comes to the Polo Classic.

“It’s not only about the money,” Ciriello says, “but also about how we get the word out there about Alzheimer’s. When you look at the 1-800 number [that the Alzheimer’s Association provides people with], it’s helped people tremendously.”

Ciriello is no stranger to receiving help. When he moved to this country from Italy, he feels he received a great deal of help, making the transition for him a smooth one.

“I feel strongly about [helping others] because when I came here at 18, I was welcomed,” Ciriello says.

This is just one of the many reasons that he finds time outside of his job at Eisai to at one point in time, coach the West Morris Soccer Club for four years, be a volunteer official for youth swim meets at the Somerset Hills YMCA, and be a board member for the Alzheimer’s Association.

“I think as a citizen, you need to give back,” says Ciriello, “and it’s not just about the money, it’s about the time and giving back; like helping somebody put groceries in their car.”

If you or someone you know might be showing the symptoms of Alzheimer’s Disease, you can reach the Alzheimer’s Association’s at 1-800-883-1180.


Class Raises Money For Children With Cancer

Is it possible for a whole class to be a hero in the community? At the Flocktown Road School in Washington Township, it is, as every student in the fifth grade class contributed to a fundraiser called Math-A-Thon to raise over $3000 dollars for St. Jude Children’s Hospital.

“One young lady brought it [the idea for the fundraiser] up to us,” says Julie Martire, a teacher at the school, “She had a family member who had gone to another hospital.”

That young lady in question is fifth grader, Rebecca Montross, who suggested the idea for the fundraiser after the school set up a pilot program this year called, Fifth Grade Friends, which is a student council committee organized around helping the community.

“We had this big idea [for the Fifth Grade Friends] of, what does it take for people to live and work in a community together?” says Martire.

That big idea blossomed when Montross went to another one of her teachers, Ms. Tasnady, and told her that she had done a Math-A-Thon in her former school.
A Math-A-Thon is a fundraiser where children do math problems to raise money for children with cancer at St Jude Children’s Hospital.

“[When she came to me with it], I told her, I’m so busy, can you please take care of it,” Ms. Tasnady jokes.

And Montross did take care of it, organizing a way to get her peers involved. Her teachers aided by getting local businesses to contribute, too.

“We really hit the pavement,” Ms. Tasnady says at an assembly where all the fifth graders were present, “and all the businesses know what you did in the fifth grade, and we raised close to $500 in donations from the community.”

That $500 is in addition to the $3000 the students raised on their own.
Martire wants to make it even bigger next semester though by starting at the beginning of the year and getting every grade involved.

“We’re looking to make this an annual event,” Martire says, “and by next year, we want to make it school wide, and then, we’ll try to make it district wide, as this district is so huge.”

It doesn’t stop there, either, as Martire has big plans for what the students can do for the community.

“We were just approved for the Community Day Fall Festival,” Martire says, “We’re going to use the funds [we make] from that to kick off [the St. Jude fundraiser] for next year.”

Martire, as well as all the teachers in the school, has high hopes for the children and believes that they are the arbiters of education for children in the area.

“They are our children,” Martire says, “and we have to curve their learning [to show them] what they can become.”


Monday, June 15, 2009

Ten Music Games That Aren't Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Or DDR

To find the article with pretty pictures and such, click here: http://www.cinemablend.com/games/Ten-Music-Games-That-Aren-t-Guitar-Hero-Rock-Band-Or-DDR-18128.html

Music based games are huge right now. Whether it’s that sweaty, three hundred pound guy down to a wife-beater shuffling his feet like lightning to DDR, or that five year old who can play Dragonforce on expert in Guitar Hero, the “rhythm genre,” which it’s so often called, is big business right now, and it only looks to be getting bigger. But what about those games that AREN’T the aforementioned three heavy weights that can’t AFFORD to have commercials with Heidi Klum gyrating in her underwear? What about THOSE games? Well, below, here are some other music based games that you may or may not have heard of over the past few years. Brace yourself, one of them is a Sega CD masterpiece. And by masterpiece, I mean, a master piece of emu dung sugar.

Gitaroo Man

Gitaroo Man has a pretty simple control scheme (All you pretty much do is direct the analog stick along to the melody coming at you on the screen), but it’s the strange storyline that manages to land this game in obscurity-ville with other titles like Ico and Beyond Good and Evil, which were great games that were too niche and artsy for their own darn good. No matter, Guitaroo Man was popular enough that a PSP version port, called Gitaroo Man Lives, was released, so if you didn’t get to play it then, you can play it now, and you really should, because it’s quirky enough to be put up there with Katamari Demacy. The story consists of you being the last legendary guitar player of a planet called Gitaroo. Whatever. All that matters is that the gameplay is addictive, and the music is fun and buoyant. What else do you want from a music game? A plastic guitar that comes with the game? Pfft, you’re asking too much!


Mad Maestro!

A music game with CLASSICAL music? What was Eidos THINKING? Still, Mad Maestro! (And by the way, you can probably find it at your local supermarket, as that’s where I found it), is a really fun experience unlike any other music game of its time, which is probably why it failed. Today, Elite Beat Agents isn’t too different when it comes to erratic controls that go along with the music, but in its time, MANY people found Mad Maestro’s! controls to be too confusing and off putting, since you had to put emphasis on just HOW hard you moved the stick around, as well as focus on the overall melody of the song. You get used to it after awhile, but I understand why it wasn’t a runaway hit. Hopefully, this video below will clue you in to the brilliance of Mad Maestro!. Or not.


Get On Da Mic

Hip-hop gets the shaft when it comes to music games, and I’m pretty sure I know why. To cater to a larger audience, companies sort of have to stray away from that M rating when it comes to music related games, because quite frankly, if they’re selling a peripheral that comes with it, they don’t want to have a title that only a 17 and older crowd can purchase—they want parents picking those games up on Christmas! And that’s why Get On Da Mic fails, even though it actually has a pretty impressive track listing, mostly consisting of classics from the likes of 2Pac, Snoop, and Biggy. The songs are watered down, though to get that teen rating, so anybody expecting to say “bitch,” this, or “ho,” that, is going to be sorely disappointed. And unlike Guitar Hero or Rock Band where the lyrics play second fiddle to the actual music, for a game relying SOLELY on lyrics, it kind of hurts having to do the squeaky clean, kid tested, mother approved version of “Hypnotize.” And plus, it’s really just karaoke with Sir Mix-A-Lot, so yeah. Get On Da Mic really sucks. No diggity, no doubt.


Samba De Amigo

Sega was really onto something with those maracas. Without a doubt, the original Samba De Amigo (And let’s please not talk about the Wii version, thank you very much), was as energetic as you were willing to make it, as the game could quite simply not be played sitting down. The rhythm was thunderous, the graphics were colorful, and the music was infectious. Also, the controls were flawless (At least, for the Dreamcast version) and the pose feature, which is where you pose in the direction they present on the screen, is a fun little addition, too. Find this game, play it, and enjoy life now! This game is the naz!


Donkey Konga

Donkey Konga makes your palms hurt until you realize that all you really need to do is tap the side of the respective bongo to get it to register your hit. After that, Donkey Konga kind of loses its luster, but it’s still a great game all the same. Basically, it is what it sounds like—you play Konga like music on a bongo peripheral with the monkey known as Donkey at your side (And yes, thanks to Futurama, I now know that monkeys can’t be donkeys) while the music streams on by. Unfortunately, the track listing is less than stellar, but it’s fun while it lasts. It was definitely inspired, I’ll give it that.


Space Channel Five

Why is Michael Jackson in this game? Because it’s the dancing-est, space age-enest (And yeah, I said it, space age-enest) game ever made, and it was more fun than you could ever imagine from mere still shots of it. Really, though, all it was was Simon Says, as the game would tell you where to move, and you would follow its commands. But the results were stunningly fun, and the better you got at it, the faster it went, and the more advanced the motions got. What was the story line? Please don’t ask me such things. It had something to do with a reporter in a mini skirt named Ulala blasting aliens or something like that. But the music was upbeat and stellar, and there was never a dull moment. There are rumors that a new one may be getting made in the not too distant future. But for the time being, watch this clip of Michael being Michael.



While not even really a game at all, KORG DS-10 is really the only title out there like it in that you can actually make real music on it. To do so, though, you REALLY need to be patient, as it’s not for the faint of heart who simply want to pick it up and play. The instructions for this one are thick, as they’re based off of the rudimentary commands of a KORG synthesizer, planted down in your DS. Using the stylus to manage through the various interfaces, you switch through the screens and tweak the beat to your liking. It takes some getting used to, but I made a few tracks that weren’t cringe worthy within the span of three hours or so. It’s not for everybody, and I’m shocked it was even made, but KORG DS-10 has its weight in gold if you’re honestly and truthfully passionate about making music.



Okay, you got me, Lumines isn’t a music game, it’s really a regal puzzler in which music plays a part. But WHAT a large part it plays, as the game wouldn’t be nearly as enthralling without that pumping dance music rocking through the speakers as you match the two colors with each other to make a perfect square of a like color. I am VERY much in love with Lumines and put it up there with Tetris when it comes to puzzlers, and DDR when it comes to music. It’s the best of BOTH worlds. Play it now. Right this very instant. You will be dazzled, to the nth degree, no less. To the nth, the nth!


Um Jammer Lammy

The follow-up to Parappa the Rapper that nobody cared about, Um Jammer Lammy is another guitar based game, like Gitaroo Man, but played like the dog with the winter cap, with you pressing the buttons along with the notes that come along on the screen. The thing I remember most about this game though was that it was SO much harder to play than Parappa, which you could just pick up and play. Um Jammer Lammy was a real hit or miss experience, but one definitely worth checking out if you liked Parappa the Rapper. Just try to find it though. Go ahead, because it’s IMPOSSIBLE.


Make My Video

If you want proof that God was a Nintendo fan back in the Sega/Nintendo wars, look no further than the Make My Video series, which was SO bad, that I’m pretty sure it put Sega back ten years (And my theory as to why Sega lost in the console wars as a whole, think about it). Full motion videos were all the rage with the infamous Sega CD (Whoooooa, Sewer Shark), but this batch of four—featuring Marky Mark, INXS, C+C Music Factory, and Kriss Kross—was the absolute lowest you could get. I can’t even DESCRIBE how bad these games are, but this guy can. Watch both videos. So true, so true.



Tuesday, June 9, 2009

My Movie!

Check out my movie at this link. It's terrible. But in a terrible way! Wait...that didn't make any sense. Oh, well (Skips off into the sunset wearing a blue bonnet and a diaper)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

People Really Seem To Like The Da Vinci Code...Especially When It's Read To Them Over The Phone

To Find the article on the site, click here: http://www.zug.com/live/81593/People-Really-Seem-To-Like-The-Da-Vinci-CodeEspecially-When-Its-Read-To-Them-Over-The-Phone.html

Outside of Mike Tyson's Punch-out!!, crank calling people is my second favorite pastime in the whole wide world. It's almost as if I never even HEARD of The Jerky Boys or Crank Yankers before, I do it so much these days. Well, anywho, after many humorous times of either calling up people and making Arnold Schwarzenegger noises (Hello? Yeeeeaaayyyoooouuu! Who is this? This...is...Yeeeaayyyyooouuuu!) , or asking a long-lost friend with an accent who used to come into my friendfesezs store and ask for new issues of The Incredible Helk (Hello? Hello, sir, do you have new issues of HEEELLLLK? Who ees this? This is Harold, is it not? I Haroaaald, but I do not know what you are talking about), I think I met my crowning achievement about a month ago when I picked up a copy of The Da Vinci Code.

Well, you see, my friend, AJ and I, decided that since a lot of people would probably pick up the book again just to read it before its prequel, Angels and Demons, came out in theaters, that we would like to read chapters of The Da Vinci Code (Since neither of us owned A&D) to people over the phone just to see how long they would listen to the riveting account of the protagonist's, Robert Langdon's travels and tribulations. We didn't really know what to expect from people--especially since we did a dry run and didn't call people we knew but instead, just flipped through the phone book and started dialing folks--but we got a few humorous responses (One guy even sat still and listened for FOUR-WHOLE-CHAPTERS. We had to hang up on HIM!) Here are some of the responses we got below.

Oh, and PS, to save Dan Brown from emailing me about unlawfully taking excerpts from his book, I'm just going to leave the funnier responses below instead of the actual text from the book that we read from. Enjoy!

1. Robert Langdon, why do I know that name?

2. Who is this? Is this Phil? Yo, knock it off, man. Phil? Yo, Phil? Stop talking for a second, man. Phil. YO, PHIL! Yo, fuck this shit, man. You're being a real asshole today, you know that? (Click)

3. (After a brief and startled pause) Go on.

4. Hello? This is from The Da Vinci Code, right? I don't need to buy a copy. This is the service to buy the book, right?

5. What kind of person calls people in the middle of the night and reads The Da Vinci Code to them over the phone? (Click)

6. What is this, some kind of joke? Is this a machine? (Speaking off to the side to somebody) Rachael, come here for a second and listen to this. (Rachael supposedly gets on the phone)
Rachael: Hello? (Turns to her husband) It doesn't sound like a machine. This is really creepy, honey, can we just hang up? It just keeps on going. (Turns back to me) Whoever this is, please don't ever call me or my family ever again (Click).

My Friend Likes Ruining Movies For Others

To find the article on the site, click here: http://www.zug.com/live/81606/My-Friend-Likes-Ruining-Movies-For-Others.html

One of my best friends, James, has a smoking cough now when he laughs (Like an old man. It's sad, really. Very sad), so he couldn't pull this prank off again, but many years ago, we saw the Cuba Gooding Jr. vehicle (One of the last ones he would ever have in the theater before he went straight to DVD) Chill Factor, and ruined it for pretty much everybody there.

Wellllll....this is how he ruined it.

You see, before the movie came out, there was this REALLY lame line Cuba said in the commercial when Skeet Ulrich tells Cuba he wants him to drive him somewhere. Cuba, being the sassy, post-Jerry Maguire guy he was, said, Aww, hell naw, until Skeet put a gun in his face, to which, Cuba said, How far you got to go?

Classic, right? We know.

So, my other friend tells him, Yo, James, when that scene comes up, laugh as loud as you can, but little did we know just how loud my friend could laugh.

So through the whole movie, we're waiting for this scene to come up, waiting...waiting...we were seriously falling asleep by that point until the punch line came up: Drive.

When Cuba said his line, James laughed louder than I have ever heard ANYbody laugh in my entire life.


I mean, he was SCREAMING, literally screaming, hunched over in his seat, his eyes bulging, his glasses flying off his face, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! HAAAAAAA HAAAAAA!!!!!!

The guy in front of him threw his Twizzlers up in the air, a woman screamed, and an usher ran in from outside and asked if everything was okay with my friend. When the usher asked him, James said, What? That shit was funny, and continued on watching the movie like nothing even happened. That's James alright...

Fighting Games You’ve Undoubtedly Forgotten About Part III

In this third and final (Final ONLY if I only get 30 diggs like last time—come on, folks, tell your friends, your pets, even that creepy pervert on Facebook who won’t stop sending you friend requests even though you keep denying them, about this series) installment of fighting games that you’ve surely forgotten about, I talk shop about some REAL lost titles, games that I’m CERTAIN you must have forgotten about over time—and some not so forgotten, I won’t lie. And hey, if you want to see the previous entries, click here (http://www.cinemablend.com/games/Fighting-Games-That-You-ve-Undoubtedly-Forgotten-About-Part-1-17750.html) and here (http://www.cinemablend.com/games/Fighting-Games-That-You-ve-Undoubtedly-Forgotten-About-Part-II-17875.html). It’s not too late to digg!

Cyber Troopers Virtual-On

While not technically a fighter—and if it’s not a fighter, then what is it then?—this mech based fighter allowed you to fly around the screen and shoot the stuffing out of your enemy, sort of like Battlezone, but much quicker and with more explosions. The rules of the game were simple, even if the actual gameplay wasn’t. Basically, it was a dodge and shoot out contest from afar, with special moves being the defining factor once you got up close and the blades came out. And while some might call this title a shooter, I think there’s more to the fighting genre than just quarter circles and jump kicks. It’s the competitive, get in there and hit them fast, strategic angle to it that reminds me most of Bushido Blade, except this game is much more frenetic, and not nearly as focused on skill. Also, listen to this. You know the original arcade cabinet for this game (The one with the dual joysticks)? Well, did you know that in the story, it said that the machine was actually sent from the future (No lie!) as a training unit for future mech operators? How awesome is that?! But whatever your thoughts on the kooky storyline, though, Virtual On! is definitely one of Sega’s most underappreciated titles, and one that needs to be re-made, like, now.


JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Known most notably for its insane gameplay and “Stands” techniques, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, which is based off of a popular manga in Japan, is utterly and completely terrible. I mean, for those who HAVE actually played it—and I really don’t know many who have—they say they enjoy it, but I think they’re just trying to be snooty, know it all gamers who have to say they enjoy EVERY obscure title, even if it’s total dung (See:Guitaroo Man). But back to JoJo’s, which might have been pretty cool if it wasn’t so indulgent in being so weird and off-beat. From what I remember, the game had clumsy, often very slow gameplay, and I guess the only way you could really enjoy it is if you actually knew the series, which I obviously didn’t. And then there were the “Stands” technique, which to this day, I still don’t understand what the big deal was. Basically, the “Stands” were pretty much like shadow techniques, where your actual shadow would “stand” behind you and do double the damage and would help boost your supers. This minor feature was enticing for only about half an hour though and quickly became a pretty yawn inducing factor in the game, leaving you with forgettable characters and crummy gameplay for the rest of your time with it. I guess the best way to describe it was that it was like Street Fighter, but it wasn’t. And to this day, I have yet to find ANYBODY who can justifiably defend this title because well, like I said before, it’s terrible. But if YOU can, please do. Cinemablend DOES have a comment box below after all, and your ire for my articles is greatly appreciated, I hope you know.

Watch this clip below. Trust me, it’s nowhere NEAR as cool as it looks right here.


Guilty Gear

Out of this entire list, Guilty Gear is probably the most well known of the bunch, and probably shouldn’t even BE on this list. But still, it’s here for being so faithfully true to its 2-D roots, even if time HAS moved on to 3-D models, with life like, jiggling breasts for the female characters and un-lifelike bulging muscles for the males. What I love best about GG, though are the characters, which range from a giant gentleman with a paper bag over his head, to a half dead, keeling over zombie, who mystically comes to life whenever he does his supers. It makes for a lot of excitement in every round. I also like how fast it is, too. The characters, who interestingly fill almost the entire screen, move with such quickness, that it’s sometimes easy to get lost in a flurry of hits without even realizing a way to get out of it. Even so, button mashing will get you nowhere in this title, and it really relies on the kind of reading your enemies skill that you don’t find anywhere anymore. So if you’re yearning for some skill based 2-D fighting, stop playing Street Fighter III already. Guilty Gear has what you’re looking for, hombre.


Bushido Blade

If you’ve ever read some of my other features about fighting games, then you already know my romantic love for Bushido Blade, which is still entirely playable, even to this day. There are no health bars, and no way to know—unless you’re skilled—how bad the damage will be when you get a katana slice to your side, and the landscape you’re fighting on plays a big part in your strategy, as elevation can lead to some pretty deep cuts if you aim it just the right way. To this day, Bushido Blade is still one of my favorite fighters of all time. Even if the graphics ARE wash your eyes out with sulfuric acid bad in this day and age, it’s still a total blast to play.


Fighters MegaMix

Before there was the whole Marvel/Capcom team-up with the MvC series, there was Fighters MegaMix, which was pretty much a love letter from Sega saying, yeah, I know you’ve never thought of pitting a cop from Virtua Cop against the car from Daytona U.S.A (!), but we did, and it’s awesome, give it a try. In many ways, Fighters MegaMix was just Fighting Vipers (See my first article) with Virtua Fighter characters added in, but that’s okay, because Fighting Vipers was excellent, and didn’t really need many additions to it. I’m actually pretty surprised that this title has been forgotten so quickly, as it’s definitely one of the last swan songs from the not-terrible-at-all Sega Saturn. Aww, Fighters MegaMix. Segata Sanshiro (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joNwYPdEBTc) would have been proud!


Power Stone

Okay, so you haven’t forgotten about Power Stone yet. But really, how could you? It was probably the closest Capcom ever truly got to creating a FULLY 3-D version of Street Fighter, which, I don’t know about you, but I was daydreaming about ever since I played Super Mario 64 for the first time and imagined the possibilities of putting a fighting game in that arena. Despite what you might think though, Power Stone doesn’t play that well today, and its very simplistic gameplay can really be abused if you just run around the screen and collect all of the power stones instead of actually brawling. Doing so actually allows you to become a nigh invisible power house that just chases the other character around, blasting at them—playing cat and mouse. Even so, PS can still be plenty fun if you have somebody else to do this strategy against. It’s not the most refined fighter in the world, and the skill level to enjoy this game is way, WAY low, but like I said before, you probably remember it, so Capcom must have been doing SOMETHING right when they created this game, right? RIGHT?!


Rise of the Robots

Next to Shaq-Fu and Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, Rise of the Robots is one of the worst fighting games EVER, and I’m pretty sure I know part of the reason for that. Like those two other aforementioned stinkers, you could only play as one character in the boring as competitive snail racing story-mode—Blue, standard looking crumb-bot robot, with generic attacks and even more generic controls. Of course in the vs. mode you could play as some of the other equally shetty characters, but overall, why would you want to? Graphically, it was kind of a stunner for its time, but not enough so that you could excuse the sloppy fighting and abysmally low fun factor. And this game was supposed to be AMAZING. How could things possibly go so wrong? Seriously, if I was older and I had played this game, I would probably be a full-on Luddite today, waving my fist at technology and the inevitable future of robots one day fighting for supremacy after they have either killed us all or made us their love slaves. Rise of the Robots is a complete and utter disaster. Play it, why don’t you, and be disappointed in a brand new way!


Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi

There was a Star Wars fighting game? It happened, but God, I wish it didn’t. SW: MoTK plays like a whole lot of nothing, and I guess that’s the best I can really say about this title. All of your favorites are there of course, Luke, Darth Vader, um, a Stormtrooper (?), so I guess it has THAT going for it, but it was just not fun. I mean, not at all. Because you would THINK that swinging a light saber at Boba Fett would be awesome, but sloppy hit detection make it a big negative, Kemo Sabe. I remember playing this game for the first time with my lip raised to the right and saying, “Are you serious? This is it?” It was unimpressive, to say the least. But what was I expecting, really? Isn’t it a fact that nine out of ten SW games are horrible? And for that single one that isn’t, it’s so good that it makes you forget about all the horrible ones. Well, SW: MoTK is DEFINITELY one of those horrible ones, so I guess that’s why you’re now typing it up in Wikipedia to learn more about this game.


Mace: The Dark Age

What I remember most about this game was the massive screen it was on. From a distance, it looked entirely impressive and full of the loud, boisterous action you came to expect from Midway by this point. But once you touched the joystick, you were instantly amazed by how atrocious it was. Renal failure looked more appealing than playing this game for more than seven seconds. First off, the characters were WAY too big for the screen, and unlike Guilty Gear, which made it all work with beautiful controls, Mace did not, as the thing controlled like getting the fattest creature in the world (Kristie Alley) to move off the bed. And the graphics even back THEN looked corny and over-stylized. I remember thinking, whoa, how did we just step back five years with this game? I don’t really even remember the gameplay other than a big, brutish bull of a character charging in with his shield and that’s it. I mean, I must have tried playing this game for over three hours (I give even crappy titles their due) to like it, and all I remember was that it was loud, and some guy kept charging in with his shield as an attack. Talk about being forgettable! Mace: The Dark Ages is quite possibly the most middle of the road game I have ever played. I mean, it wasn’t good enough to remember, and not terrible enough to forget—at least, I don’t remember it to be. It was simply just, “Bleh,” and for that, I couldn’t help but put it at the bottom of this list. Try to find it, if you can. I’m sure you can’t, and it’s not worth it if you do. But if you do, please write back and tell me that I’ve wasted your time, because seriously, that’s my modus operandi with these articles. Thank you for playing! Loser.


Next up (If you want it): Marvel Nemesis, Saturday Night Slammasters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters, Tobal (For REAL this time) Ehrgeiz, B.I.O. Freaks, and more…