Sunday, September 25, 2011

Breaking Bad Is Seriously the Greatest Show Ever Made

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I've said it at least over a 100 times in conversation and on Facebook, but I have to get it all out there in a blog post. Breaking Bad is simply the greatest show ever made. And I've seen a lot of great shows, drama and comedy alike.

Many would argue that The Wire or The Sopranos or even Mad Men are the greatest shows to ever grace TV. And while I've never seen more than five episodes of Mad Men (More because I haven't gotten the time, not because of the quality of the show), I can say that I have seen the entirety of The Wire and The Sopranos and I still stand by my decision--Neither can touch BB.

The main reason for this is not so simple. While yes, Bryan Cranston is certainly the most captivating actor on television now and possibly ever, it's not just him that makes the show great. For a show like The Sopranos, yeah sure, it could be said that the main character carries the whole thing. I remember when there was actually speculation that Tony might be killed on the show. Well, if that ever happened, then the show would have gone right down the terlet. The other characters were enjoyable, but none of them had the nuances or the depth that Tony Soprano had. I mean, who would have led the show if he had died? This guy?

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Yeah, right. Great show, but without Tony, it would have been lost. As for The Wire, well, I think that was a great case study for the streets and everything that functions around them. Don't get me wrong, each season of the show was unique and brought something thought provoking and entrancing to television like no other show has before it or since. And if you were to ask me the second greatest show to ever be on TV, I'd definitely say The Wire.

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It shined a direct light on a city with problems and didn't give any solutions whatsoever. It was real, man. Damn real. And excellent, too. But for me, the city of Baltimore, which was the REAL main character, just wasn't as gripping as even a SINGLE character on BB, where every single moment of screen time for anybody is meaningful and will impact the show at a later date.

I mean, just look at the character arc of Gus this season. The show may still center around Walt, but this is the season of Gus, no question.

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If Gus were to die, I think that would leave a huge gaping hole in the show like no other program on television before it. In most shows, characters are expendable. Just look at Omar in The Wire. Sure, it was toward the end of the series run when he died (And oh, spoiler alert). But while his death was shocking, by the end of the episode, you were over it. This is again because the show was more about the streets and the cyclical nature of it, i.e., While Omar may be gone, another rogue gangster will take his place in the future with Michael (The one who killed Snoop in the car). Again, I applaud The Wire's deep approach to the streets, but with BB, well, EVERYBODY means something to the show.

In all truths, BB is not a particularly deep show, but it's entertaining beyond measure. Never has a show balanced comedy with searing drama before like BB has (One minute, Hank is cracking me up, and the next, Walt is making it hard not to tear up when he misses his own son's birthday and calls him a different name when he comes over to see if he's okay).

No other show has pacing like BB. No other show has characters like BB, and no other show is quite simply, as fun to watch as BB. I mean, just watch this intro to one of its best episodes.

What show STARTS an episode like that? I cannot miss a single second of a single episode because I might miss something like that at the start of it. The only thing BB has going against it is that it's still on the air. A lot can happen that can make me change my mind about the show if it has an awful conclusion to it (Like Walt dies of cancer or Jesse kills Walt). But BB has been anything but predictable or boring. I have faith in the show and look forward to its ending so I CAN say with confidence (And with Alan Sepinwall's agreement) that it's the greatest show that ever was on TV. Now, if only more people would watch it. From the beginning, of course. Did I mention Walt is a different character completely in every single season? What growth! What storytelling.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

My Top Five Favorite OMG, WTF moments in Movies

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Drive is freaking incredible, man. If you haven't seen it yet, then we're no longer friends, because it's definitely one of the best movies I've seen all year. Bryan Cranston's in it. Nuff said.

Even so, besides the great story, beautiful cinematography, and slammin' soundtrack, one of the best things about it is how startling and violent it is, with there being many OMG, WTF moments in it. It got me to thinking about some other great, OMG, WTF moments in movies. Here are my top five.

5. Pulp Fiction's casual conversation leads to face blown in

A conversation about God in a moving car turns really messy when John Travolta, turned around in his seat while holding a gun, fires his gun by accident when Samuel L. Jackson hits a pothole. This is very much a, OMG, WTF moment because you would never see it coming, even with Travolta holding the gun. I remember actually saying, WHAT THE F**K when I first saw this scene in my house because I didn't initially know what even happened when all the blood splattered. One of the very best.

4. Harold and Kumar's, "Is this your special bush?"

I don't know if I've ever laughed harder at a scene in a movie. Kal Penn is pissing at a bush, and out of nowhere, Jamie Kennedy walks out and starts peeing at the same bush, only to get mad at Penn for asking why he decided to pee there. And I don't know why, but I just find the line, "Is this your special bush?" hilarious. It's like, OMG, WTF would I do if that ever happened to me. I'd probably shit myself while I'm peeing. Now THERE'S an interesting visual.

3. Troll 2's, "There's no coffee here in Nolbog. It's the Devil's drink!"

The whole movie of Troll 2 is one big, OMG, WTF am I watching? But this one scene in particular just makes me laugh and drag my hand down my face. Some guy who looks like Don Imus (Says the Rifftrax guys, and they're right), comes out of a curtain and assaults a young man who just chomped on a green (!) sandwich, by not giving him coffee because it's, "The devil's drink." Okay, WTF? Since when? Even better is when the teen asks for eggs and the guy goes, "EHHHH!" in disgust. Oh, Troll 2, I could watch you every day and never grow tired of you.

2. The Usual Suspect's, "Verbal" Kint was Keyser Soze all along

I STILL get chills thinking about that end scene in The Usual Suspects when Kevin Spacey loses the limp and we find out that the cops had their suspect the whole time and didn't even know it. This is one of the best OMG, WTF moments in cinema history because it literally happens in the last four minutes of the film. I actually SCREAMED, WHAT THE F**K at the end of this movie before WTF was even popular. This scene definitely warranted it.


In an already weird movie, some blond kid, out of nowhere, screams pancakes at a man. He then, again out of nowhere, does a jump kick off the porch he's on and martial arts moves before he bites said man's hand. If that's not a OMG, WTF moment, then that term shouldn't even exist at all. And while I'd love to embed the clip below for you, it's impossible upon request, so here's the link

And a rendition of it below. Enjoy!

Monday, September 5, 2011

The Top Ten Best Commercials For Toys and Board Games from My Childhood

Self-explanatory list, so let's get to it!

10. Skip-It

Pfft. Skip-It is for girls.

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But because of this very catchy commercial, even I wanted one. Alas, I never got a "counter on this ball."

9. Sock 'Em Boppers

What's more fun that a pillow fight? Nothing. Except Sock 'Em Boppers, which is why they're number 9 on this list.

8. Creepy Crawlers

"You creepin'?"
"Oh, I'm so creepin' and crawlin'"
Best. Dialogue. Ever.

7. Trouble

It is fun getting into trouble. With your parents. But not with the law. That's not fun at all.

6. Hungry, Hungry Hippos

I used to sing this song before dinner when I was a kid. I was also morbidly obese and could fit into my dad's pants at 10. Good times.

5. Guess Who

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This game would actually been higher on the list if the cards actually talked.

4. Don't Wake Daddy

I love the face daddy makes when he gets up. He looks like he's having a night terror. Or that he just jizzed the bed. Again.

3. Pogs

I love that there's a "federation" for Pogs. Pogs...Oh, man. I miss those.

2. Talkboy

"Haaaaiiii, kiiiids. We're home eaaaarly." Seriously, need I say more?

1. Crossfire

Was there ever even a question what number one would be? Screw the best commercials for toys and board games, best commercial EVER! Crossfiyyaaaaa!!!!!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Which Buffet is Better? Pizza Hut Buffet, Or CiCi's?


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Or This?

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There's no denying it...I'm a fat boy. And as a fat boy, I love buffets. I also love pizza. So you KNOW I love pizza buffets. But which is better? Cici's, or Pizza Hut Buffet? Let's Find out.

The Selection

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Let's face it, Pizza Hut's product is better than CiCi's. CiCi's pizza tastes like it's a day old even when it's just put it out. But Pizza Hut's slices are sublime. That said, can I get a macaroni slice at P-Hut? No, sir. How about a buffalo chicken slice? No, madam. Hell, even the apple pizza that P-Hut used to put out for desset isn't even there anymore. Point goes to CiCi's.

The Quality

As I mentioned earlier, CiCi's pizza tastes like somebody coughed on it last night and put it out this morning, while Pizza Hut's food tastes fresh. Heck, you can even see some poor, sweating fat guy in the back making it while you wait impatiently. Point goes to Pizza Hut

The Ambiance

Being that CiCi's is ALWAYS a buffet while P-Hut is only a buffet from about 11:30 PM to 2:00 PM, you would think CiCi's has the advantage, but no, CiCi's ambiance sucks. It looks cheap and I feel like it belongs in a Walmart. Sure, P-Hut is mad dark and you sometimes feel like you're in a dungeon, but CiCi's is just too bright and reveals too much of its ugliness. Point goes to Pizza Hut.

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The Wait Staff

The waiters at Pizza Hut are pretty good. They come by frequently and fill your diet soda for you. But you know what sucks? You have to tip them. Yeah, I know. It's really hard parting with those two dollars. But at CiCi's, you don't have to tip anybody. You have to get up your damn self and fill your own drinks. Since I'm fat and not morbidly obese and don't mind getting up, I'm going to give this one to CiCi's. Though, if you ARE morbidly obese, then you might prefer the service of sitting down longer. Point goes to CiCi's.

The Price

Both P-Hut and CiCi's are ridiculously cheap, and since you get a wide selection at both, I'm going to have to give this a draw. Points go to both CiCi's and Pizza Hut.

The Desserts

P-Hut Buffet once owned this category with their apple and berry pizza. But with those gone, all you can get now are Cinnastix (And they don't even come with "glaze" as my friend once called them). CiCi's desserts aren't much better, being that they're a brownie and some apple crap, but it's still two to one, and two is better than one, right? Point goes to CiCi's.

The Verdict:

I can't believe I'm saying this, but CiCi's Pizza is better than P-Hut Buffet. Being an immense fan of P-Hut for all these years, I'm actually kind of shocked. If P-Hut served their famous stuffed crust pizza in their buffet, P-Hut might have taken it. But they don't, and CiCi's has Macaroni slices, so they're the winner. To celebrate, enjoy this video from the Fat Boys. It's good for what ails ya.