Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Ostriches Not Being in Season to be Made into Burgers is Bulls**t

(Image taken from: capitalspice.blog.com)

Maaaan, listen. Ostrich burgers are the shit. If you don't like them, then you don't like your tongue, because ostrich burgers are amazing. And they're healthy for you, too. And by healthy, I mean healthy in the sense that they're better for you than plugging your veins to a vat of grease and having it sent directly to your heart, i.e. Micky D's. I mean, ostrich burgers are still burgers, after all, so they're not THAT good for you. But they taste good. That can't be denied.

Oh, and speaking of being denied, why was it that when I went to Fuddruckers last week, I myself was denied a delectable slab of bird on my bun? I mean, they had a picture of it, right beneath the buffalo, elk, and wild boar. In fact, this is what the sign looked like:

(Image taken from: christyxcore.posterous.com)

I mean, seriously, get inside me, ostrich. I want you. Physically. Inside of me.

But no. You know what they told me when I got to the register? They said, "We don't have ostrich right now because it's not in season, sir."

Excuse me?

Not in season? Why the hell not? Ostrich should be in season anytime I go to Fuddruckers. That's what I SHOULD have said. But instead, I said, "I'll just have the buffalo then," with my head down. It wasn't the same.

Man, I want an ostrich burger right now. I wish I was this guy. Really, I do.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Big, big fan of Words With Friends

(Image taken from: aforeignland.blogspot.com)

Hey all out there on the interweb. I'm a big, big fan of Words With Friends. If you play the game, too, find me at Arsinio Dali (Two words). Let's play.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

I'm Obsessed with Morbidly Obese People

If you know me, then you already know my strange love affair with the morbidly obese. And when I say morbidly obese, I mean it. I'm talking about people who you can just look at one minute, look down at your watch, and then, when you look back up again, their tongue is hanging out their mouth and you're afraid that they might have flatlined. Like this guy:

(Image taken from: channel.nationalgeographic.com)

Or this:

(Image taken from: sweaterpillows.com)

I mean, I'm no super model myself and one day, I'll probably be there, too. But for the meantime, I just don't know why, but I love them to pieces. I just want to hug them and be engulfed in their belly fat. Am I the only one who has these feelings? I know I can't be. The internet is just full of freaks. Somebody else must share my passion.

Friday, August 19, 2011

10 Games That Desperately Need a Sequel

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Seriously, what's taking these games so long to get made? Check out the article here.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

10 Games That Needed More Time in Development

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's my latest article for Complex. It's about games that could have taken more time in development. Check it out.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The 10 Best Free Games For The Droid

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's my latest article for Complex. If you have a Droid, check it out.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Doldrums of Summer: The 10 Best Games to Finally Get Around To

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

My latest article for Complex. Check it out. It's about the best video games to get back to and play. You know you want to read it.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Top Ten Greatest Supergroups

What's a supergroup? It's when members from other bands come together to make another band that's, well, super. But, well, sometimes, it doesn't always work. Some supergroups are better left unsaid and unlistened to, while others were SO good, that you probably didn't even KNOW they were a supergroup to begin with. This list is the latter. Take a look.

(Image taken from: amazon.com)

10. The Firm

Composed of: Naz, AZ, Foxy Brown, and Nature

Believe it or not, but there were actually TWO supergroups called The Firm. This rap one, and another featuring Jimmy Page and Paul Rodgers. But I'm choosing this one, because, well, the other one kind of sucked. While they only released a single album together (Appropriately--or stupidly--titled, The Album), it had some great Dre beats and some memorable tracks on it like "Firm Biz" and "Phone Tap." I liked it.

(Image taken from: thegreat80s.com)

9. Journey

Composed of: Greg Rolie (Santana), Neal Schon (Santana), George Tickner (Frumious Bandersnatch), Ross Valory (Steve Miller Band), Prairie Prince (The Tubes)

Of course the current lineup of Journey is different from the line-up of its glory days (No Steve Perry). But they still play all the recognizable hits like "Don't Stop Believing," and "Who's Crying Now?" at their concerts. Journey is a band that pretty much WAS the 80s, and their poppy, though, entirely sentimental, concert rock still provides a lot of good times in bars with Karaoke machines around the world. Gotta love that voice.

(Image taken from: rateyourmusic.com)

8. A Perfect Circle

Composed of: Billy Howerdel, Maynard James Keenan (Tool), Josh Freese (Nine Inch Nails), James Iha (The Smashing Pumpkins), Jeordie White (Marilyn Manson)

Though they sound nothing like Tool besides the vocals, A Perfect Circle is a fine substitute for the aforementioned group with Maynard James Keenan as their frontman. Their sound is loud and more traditional rock, but their three albums together, with their last album, eMOTIVe, pretty much just being covers, were all pretty good. They're definitely listenable as their own separate band and that's why they make this list.

(Image taken from: wu-tand-corp.com)

7. The Wu-tang Clan

Composed of: The Rza, The Gza, 'Ol Dirty Bastard (RIP), Inspectah Deck, U-God, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Masta Killa, Method Man

Not a supergroup, you say? Well, not in the traditional sense. Sure, the Clan started off as a unit and THEN separated. But when they came back together again, after many of them had attained their OWN level of success, they COULD be considered a supergroup. See how that works? No? Well, who cares? "Triumph" was awesome.

(image taken from: rockhall.com)

6. Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young

Composed of: David Crosby (The Byrds), Stephen Stills (Buffalo Springfield), Graham Nash (The Hollies), Neil Young (Buffalo Springfield)

Talk about pedigree. Each member of this group has respectively been inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame. Twice. That's quite the honor. But while alone, they were great, together, they were spectacular. Making some of the smoothest (And most listenable) folk music for all ears, Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young (Though, probably more known as just CSN, since Young was on again, off again), the group is definitely more known as a composite unit than in their separate groups. They are one of the most famous, and definitely one of the best, supergroups of all time, no question.

(Image taken from: musicalstewdaily.com)

5. C.R.E.A.M

Composed of: Eric Clapton (The Yardbirds), Jack Bruce (Graham Bond Organisation), Ginger Baker (Graham Bond Organisation)

Though their music was sublime, their biggest claim to fame may be that they were probably the first supergroup ever. Eric Clapton would go on to be in about a million supergroups, but this was probably his most famous and definitely stands on its own. Classic rock stations love them, and if you listen to it regularly, then you've certainly heard all of the group's hits. They were HUGE. Seriously.

(Image taken from: last fm)

4. The Highwaymen

Composed of: Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson

Man, what a lineup. Country's biggest musicians came together for three albums, with the first one being the most noteworthy. The thought of this group alone is just mindblowing. And their songs were pretty good, too. Each member gets their time to shine. And if you like "old" country music (None of that Taylor Swift pop/country hybrid crap), then you'll enjoy this. Check it out if you've never heard of it before.

(Image taken from: starling.rinet.ru)

3. Emerson, Lake and Palmer

Composed of: Keith Emerson (The Nice), Greg Lake (King Crimson), Carl Palmer (Atomic Rooster)

All three of them were prog rock stars before this group. But they became demigods after it. Tarkus is one of the greatest progressive albums of all time and their skill together was incomparable. Definitely better as ONE group than in separate ones.

(Image taken from: swampland.com)

2. The Traveling Wilburys

Composed of: George Harrison (The Beatles), Bob Dylan, Tom Petty (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers), Jeff Lynne (Electric Light Orchestra), Roy Orbison

There has never, EVER been a supergroup with as many big names as The Traveling Wilburys. And there never will be. How could there be? A Beatle, Bob Dylan, a heartbreaker...I mean, I can't even finish. There are just too many big names. Their music was just as good as their respective units, which is beyond amazing. All great musicians by themselves, and together, in a single band. How did this happen?...

(Image taken from: sweetlyrics.com)

1. The Foo Fighters

Composed of Dave Grohl (Nirvana), Pat Smear (The Germs), Nate Mendel (Sunny Day Real Estate), William Goldsmith (Sunny Day Real Estate), Tayler Hawkins (Alanis Morissette) Chris Shiflett (No Use for a Name)

How big are The Foo Fighters? So big, that you forgot Dave Grohl was even in Nirvana. And that's pretty big. It's hard to see Grohl as anything BUT a singer, but yeah, one time long ago, he was a drummer, and for a pretty big band to boot. But you know what? The Foo Fighters have proven themselves as such a band, that ALL of the other bands the members were once in have been overshadowed by this single juggernaut, making The Foo Fighters the greatest supergroup ever. Do you disagree? Who would you say?

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Find the article here

(Image taken from: cinemablend.com)

Dylan Dog is a very sneaky picture on multiple levels. One way it’s sneaky, is that it’s a detective story, and there’s a whole lotta sneaking going on here. And another way it’s sneaky, is that it’s a third-rate, straight-to-DVD piece of garbage that managed to sneak its way into the theater, which is most impressive in that regard. Most impressive, indeed.

The Movie: One star out of five

How many comic book movies have YOU seen this year? All of them, you say? Nope, wrong. Sure, you might have seen Thor, Captain America, Green Lantern, and X-Men, but did you see Dylan Dog? And before you say anything, please tell that me you didn’t, because good God is it awful. It stars Brandon Routh, who’s probably better recognized as Superman (there’s another superhero for you), and it’s actually based on an Italian comic that nobody had even heard of before this movie came out. It’s about a detective who basically keeps a check on the undead, which is actually a pretty cool concept. Too bad it’s pulled off so poorly in this clunker of a film.

The story takes place in New Orleans, but why, I have no idea. In the comic, (or so Wikipedia says), Dylan’s adventures mostly take place in London, which actually fits the vibe of the story if you’re into detective movies, which Dylan Dog kind of tries to be. But if you’re going to use New Orleans as a location, then at LEAST use it effectively, sort of like how the South is used in True Blood. This movie should have played to the Big Easy’s eccentricities. But it doesn’t. It’s just a setting. What a waste.

But that’s the least of the problems with this film. The dialogue and acting is just as brain dead as the zombies in this picture. And yes, I said zombies. Dylan Dog has freaking everything ghoulish in it, and too much at the same time. It messes up the story, which is already convoluted, and makes you groan at its horrible pacing. And oh, yeah, Brandon Routh simply cannot act. Scenes where he’s supposed to be upset are performed in the same manner as when he’s not supposed to be upset, and everything’s just so wooden and stiff in this picture that it bores you to tears. No wonder he was picked for the role of Superman. It fit him.

Kurt Angle, the wrestler, also makes an appearance in this film…as a werewolf, and quite frankly, he’s the only, I guess you could call it “good,” part about this whole movie. He fights Dylan at one point, only for Dylan to wallop him in the face with some silver knuckles. And if that sounds entertaining to you, it is. But it’s the only entertaining part in the entire movie. Well, that, and when actor Taye Diggs, who plays a vampire, is lying in bed and getting burned when Dylan Dog suddenly opens the door and lets the sun in. Even though the room itself was already pretty sunny as it was. Defying vampire logic a little bit here, Mr. Dog?

Overall, there’s a reason why you didn’t see this movie in your Cineplex for long, and it’s because it sucks. It was a massive bomb and lost tons of money. It somehow made it into the theater, but it didn’t help. Still, maybe it will do better on Blu-ray, where it belonged in the first place. I hope not, though. It’s really, truly awful (if you couldn’t tell from my review). Please, just skip it. Thanks.

The Disc: One star out of five

Special features include subtitles and…wait a minute. Is that IT? Subtitles? No deleted scenes, no commentary, no added garbage tacked on to sell discs? Nothing? Wow, I’m honestly quite offended. Sure, I didn’t WANT to have to extend my viewing time with this piece of shit, and sure, I didn’t buy the Blu-ray disc, it was sent to me, but in this day and age, you expect SOMETHING with your purchase at least, even if it’s superfluous. But nothing? Nothing at all? That’s just another thorn in the side if you purchase this piece of trash. Oh well, the movie sucks, and the special features suck as well. Don’t buy this disc. It doesn’t deserve your attention.

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night [Blu-Ray] Details
Length: 108 min
Rated: PG-13/Unrated
Distributor: Freestyle Releasing
Release Date: 2011-07-26
Starring: Brandon Routh, Sam Huntington, Taye Diggs, Kurt Angle
Directed by: Kevin Munroe
Produced by: Gilbert Adler, Scott Mitchell Rosenberg
Written by: Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer
Visit the Dylan Dog: Dead of Night [Blu-Ray] Official Website

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Recasting "Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3"

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Really wasn't sure if this was going up, so I posted it before. But, lo and behold, here it is. Check it out.