Friday, January 7, 2011

Three Films That Really Deserve To Be Remade

Ninety-nine point nine, nine, nine, nine, nine...nine percent of movies do not need to be remade. Most of the time, the original movie is just fine the way it is. And even more of the time, the original movie is totally sullied when someone else remakes it, because it's never anywhere near as good as the original. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule, most notably in Zack Snyder's, Dawn of the Dead, which I'm going to go the length to say was even better than Romero's epic, but that's just one, microscopic example. I can't even think of a single other one.

But then, there are movies that have excellent concepts, excellent stories, excellent pretty much everything but just fall short because of monetary reasons, or the time that it was released, or what have you. And these three films below deserve another shot.

A lot of these lists for movies that deserve to be remade just plain suck. Instead of putting legitimate films on them that really deserve to be remade, they'll have classics on them that have no right to be remade at all. The Wizard of Oz, for example, is a classic picture. Nobody will dispute that. But believe it or not, it's one of the movies that's frequently on these kinds of lists, which is absolute bullshit. It's a landmark film that should never be touched. So don't. And while, yes, I know, it may not be exactly like the book, but so what? The book is the book and the movie is the movie, and the movie is pretty damn good, by my recollection. But these original films below are not, so they deserve to be remade. Enough with the yacking. Here's the list already.


(Image taken from

Yeah, yeah, yeah, IMDB says that a movie is in the works for 2014, but talk is cheap, internet. It's been through so many problems and directorial switches that I just won't believe it until I see footage of the trailer. Seriously, it's been passed by more hands than a baton.

David Lynch's version of it was a disaster.

Everybody who saw it thought it sucked, and it was even worse for those who actually read the book first, who couldn't believe what a travesty Lynch had made. And that's a real shame (For both Lynch and for Dune fans) because few stories truly fall under the category of being epic like Dune does, which is so wide in its scope, that I find it hard to believe that it hasn't been attempted again already. Lynch messed it up pretty badly, though, so I guess that's part of the reason.

And while, yes, The Sci-fi network did a pretty great job with their version, it just felt too small being on a TV screen. It needs to put on the big screen. Conversations about the spice, and visions of the sandworms need to be reached to a larger audience, too. It would never be Star Wars huge (It's too deep), but I think it could definitely be the thinking man's sci-fi actioner. There's just so much to it going on. Please, please, please somebody get this rolling, following the story as closely as possible. It deserves to be remade!


(Image taken from:

Many people might not know about Zardoz, and that's a shame, because it has a pretty interesting concept. It's set in a future that was created using ideas from the book, The Wizard of Oz, (Get it, Zard-Oz), namely the concept of the Wizard being a godly force that could coax people into being its followers.

But there are two major problems with the movie, besides it just being boring.

(Image taken from:


(Image taken from:

And this.

Seriously? Who wouldn't take this picture as a joke? What this film needs is a serious modern touch up. And though I usually don't like how films these days need to be The Dark Knight ed'ed up, I definitely think this one could use it. It should be just as dark as its subject matter. Here is the trailer.

And would you believe the movie is even weirder?

Surf Nazis Must Die

(Image taken from:

Okay, before I go defending this piece of shit, let me just preface myself by saying I would only want it remade if it was done by Robert Rodriquez. Otherwise, leave it alone. That being said, this Tromo "masterpiece" is every bit as stupid as it sounds, and because it's from Troma, it basks in itself being stupid. God bless them for that. But the problem is, Surf Nazis Must Die has a pretty cool concept but awful pacing and design. It's almost like The Warriors but far more zany. And piss poorer.

After a catastrophic earthquake, the beaches are now ruled by surfer gangs, with the Surf Nazis being the most prominent. But after a random black guy is killed by one of them who calls himself Adolf, the protagonist, who's barely even in the movie at all, seeks revenge. And the protagonist is...? A saucy black woman in a retirement home who doesn't mind shooting nazis and saying quips after killing them. Seriously, why hasn't this been remade? It would be perfect for Rodriguez, who totally relishes trash. Just look at Machete. But this movie is almost unnoticed by everyone. Surf Nazis deserve another shot!

No comments: