Thursday, March 10, 2011

Video Games That I'm Ashamed to Have Owned At One Point in My Life, Entry Five: Time Lord

You know what Milton Bradley's awesome at? Board games. Battleship, Connect Four, Hungry, Hungry, Hoppos, they're all classic, classic games.

But you know what Milton Bradley sucks at? Video games. And this fact is none more apparent than with the piece of garbage title, Time Lord for the NES. And even though they didn't develop the game (Blame Rare for that, which also made TABOO, which is another game that I'm ashamed to have owned once in my life), they published it. Hell, their name is plastered all over the title screen. Look.

(Image taken from:

There is seriously nothing good to say about Time Lord. You collect a certain amount of orbs for each level and then, fight a boss before you teleport to the next era. Sounds cool, right? But no, no it's not. Getting each orb requires some kind of trickery, and as a kid, I really couldn't quite wrap my head around the idea that doing a jump kick in the air in a certain spot could make you levitate. Or, that jumping beneath an orb would make it fall down from the sky so you could grab it. It seriously boggled my mind.

And you might say, well, yeah, as a kid you couldn't beat it, but surely as an adult, you could breeze right through it, right? But no. I really can't. I still get stuck at the western level and can't beat it, even with the video up above. Half of it is the difficulty, and the other half is just sheer boredom. I turn off before I can get any farther.

Jeez, Time Lord, how could you have been so bad. I just want to go back in time and tell my younger self to trade that game in for River City Ransom or something. I would have been a much happier child if I had.


Tony said...

haha I love that I have had all of these games.

Rich Knight said...

They are all really, really terrible.

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