Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The Top Ten Things That Shaquille O'Neal Has Ever Done That Weren't Related to Bastketball
(Image taken from: straightfromtheea.com)
Shaq might say that he wants to play another season, but just look at him on the court. He's done! But that's okay, because Shaq has proven time and again in his stellar career that he doesn't even need Basketball to get ahead. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure that Shaq could make a career doing pottery if he wanted to, as he's a regular Renaissance Man. And to prove it, here are the top ten things that Shaq has ever done that weren't even related to Basketball. Uh uh uh, Shaq DIESEL!
(Image taken from: daviddylanthomas.com)
Steel is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It's cheesy and it's as brain rotting as they come. So why is it on this list then? Well, not EVERYBODY can play a superhero, and Shaq Diesel, as ridiculous as he looks with that stupid armor on, still fits that stupid armor quite well. The only more difficult role I could ever possibly imagine Shaq playing is him as a rapping genie. But he'd never do something like that, right? Not in a million yea...
(Image taken from: tvtropes.org)
Whoops, spoke too soon. But the truth is, if you love Shaq, then you love him because he's a goofball, and Shaq has never been goofier than as a rapping genie in this travesty of a film. You might be reading this list and thinking, well, you're just making fun of Shaq, and yeah, you're right. But he's in on the joke, too, so it's all good. I mean, how couldn't he be? His genie lamp is a boom box. A boom box! That's just wonderful...a genie lamp that's a boombox. Shaq, thank you for being born.
(Image taken from: humordistrict.com)
8. Blue Chips
Okay, enough with the garbage cinema. Shaq actually DID make a fairly decent film in Blue Chips, which was about, (Yes, I know I said I wouldn't talk about it, but it's inevitable) Basketball. Oh, well, Eminem had 8 Mile and Shaq had this, so while maybe he didn't stretch his massively long legs too far to play this role, at least he played it well. Not as well as a rapping genie or a Superman side-project, but well enough. It's not my favorite film by Shaq, but it's certainly the best he's ever done. Oh, and Nick Nolte is insane in this film, so yeah, he plays himself as well.
(Image taken from: dimemag.com)
7. Shaq the Cop
Believe it or not, but Shaq as a cop was no joke. According to Wikipedia, he actually arrested two men over some hate crimes in Miami, putting them in the slammer for good (Or at least until they got their forty three dollar bail money together). And while I can't find any clips of Shaq policing the streets of Miami, I do have this clip of him asking Kobe how his ass tastes, which I think is just as good. You be the judge.
(Image taken from: sports.espn.go.com)
6. Shaq the rapper
Shaq has released five (!) studio albums and one compilation disc. His first album, Shaq Diesel went platinum, and he even rapped on a Michael Jackson song called "2 Bad." So yeah, while you were all laughing at Shaq's rap career, he was out raking in that dough and stealing your girlfriend. As I said before, I'll say it again: Shaquille O'Neal is a Renaissance Man. A modern day Leonardo da Vinci. And the sad thing is, you think I'm joking.
(Image taken from: wn.com)
5. Shaq getting on Wee Man's back and not killing him
Sure, it was probably just as fake as Kobe jumping over a speeding car, but the mere idea, the mere concept of Shaq getting on poor Wee Man's back without making him implode is frankly mind-blowing. I watch this every morning before I go to work. It inspires me.
(Image taken from: zimbio.com)
4. Shaq races against Olympic Gold Medalist, Michael Phelps, and almost beats him
Yes, Michael Phelps was seriously disadvantaged against Shaq on the show, Shaq vs, having to do nearly double the laps that Shaq did. But so what? This is the greatest swimmer in the entire WORLD. And the fact that Shaq was even remotely close says something about what a dominant beast Shaq is in just about anything he does. And don't go and tell me that Michael Phelps was going easy on him. That man looked tired in the end. Shaq made him work.
(Image taken from: briani-rice.blogspot.com)
3. Shaq dancing with the Jabbawockeez
Uh, didn't know if you knew this, but the Jabbawockeez are America's Best Dance Crew. Well, at least for season one they were. That said, even with all of the main Jabbawockeez dancing next to him at the All-star game, Shaq STILL managed to have all eyes on him. Seriously, what CAN'T Shaq do?
(Image taken from: multiplayer.blog.mtv.com)
2. Shaq Fu
Some might see this as Shaq's worst moment, but I think those people are thinking about video games in general rather than Shaq's non-basketball career. And I say that because while yes, Shaq Fu is beyond belief terrible, how many other basketball players would even DARE make a fighting game, and not only that, but put the word "Fu" after their name to make it seem legit? Only one, and you're reading a blog post about him, baby. Shaq Fu will forever go down in history. Maybe not for all the best reasons, but history, nonetheless. Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City, eat your heart out.
(Image taken from: youtube.com)
1. The Shaq Pack at Burger King
While having your own video game is cool as all hell, really, can anything be better than having your own meal named after you at Burger King? No, no it cannot. Not only was the sandwich pretty damn good, but the commercial, for no real reason whatsoever, even featured Shaq dressed as Shaft with an Issac Hayes sound-alike (At least, I THINK it was a sound-alike!) singing about how awesome Shaq is. Now that's pimp. Man...I wish they would bring it back...