Monday, May 30, 2011

Five Stories That Have Cooler Titles as Books Than As Movies

Books are cool. Movies are cool. But movies based off of books are usually a hit or miss affair. And even though a great portion of the movie industry is built off of stories taken from books, very few of them do a great job of portraying the books that they're based off of.

But this article isn't about that. This article is about the TITLE of the book, which is ALWAYS better than the movie's that spawn from them. Here's a list of five movies that sounded better with their original titles. See how many you've read.

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1. The book: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

Wow. That's actually a really deep question, Mr. Philip K. Dick. I haven't even read the novel yet and you already have me thinking. That's how I originally felt when I first heard the title of the book, and I fell in love with it from that moment on. The story is just as deep as the title and it's a beautifully dark story. Much more beautiful than the movie.

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The movie: Blade Runner

To be honest with you, Blade Runner isn't a bad name for a movie. It's actually cool. But it just doesn't have the thought provoking qualities of its book's namesake. Also, when I start to think into it more, I begin to think it has something to do with running with scissors, and then it loses its cool factor, altogether. It makes me think of kindergarten, like, don't run with scissors, young man. And how is THAT cool? It isn't. Stick to the original title next time, dumbasses.

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2. The book: The Eagle of the Ninth

I never read the book, but it actually sounds like it MEANS something. I want to read a book with that title. The Ninth what? Ninth infantry? Ninth battalion? What? I know what an eagle is, but that ninth part is intriguing. It makes me what to find out why it's called that and that's what makes it a great title. The mystery that's involved. It's perfect.

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The movie: The Eagle

Huh? The Eagle? With Channing Tatum? You mean the guy from Step Up? And he's the eagle? No. He's a soldier? Wait, then what's the eagle then? What do you mean the Eagle is just symbolic? So it's not about the bird? The bird doesn't even have anything do with it? Then why is it called The Eagle then?! What a dumb title. Screw this flick. Screw this flick to hell.

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3. The book: Heart of Darkness

Joseph Conrad's novella actually has a double-meaning. There's the literal one, of a heart actually being filled with the darkness of evil. And the more subtle, harsher one of calling the people of Africa the heart of darkness, their skin color being the center. Great novella, great title.

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The movie: Apocalypse Now

Don't get me wrong. Apocalypse Now is my favorite movie of all time. But the title is just silly. It's implying that every time you watch it, it's the apocalypse. It's like Harold Camping predicting the weather. There will be a slight overcast followed by the four horsemen in your evening commute. Silly title, great movie.

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4. The book: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Charlie is the protagonist, so it makes sense that it's called that. Charlie is the star and he's GOING to the Chocolate Factory. Makes sense, donut?

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The movie: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I know Willy Wonka is a funny name, but the studios had no right to take Charlie out of the title and replace it with the wacky one with the purple hat. It's like implying that the movie is all about Willy Wonka, and it's not. The title's deceiving.

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5. The book: The Lawnmower Man

I'll read anything by Stephen King. Anything. Even if it's called Old Man Poops His Trousers. I don't care. Stephen King can write and it doesn't matter what he titles his stories. They're going to be awesome, no question. Even something called, The Lawnmower Man

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The movie: The Lawnmower Man

Same title, but, man, does that sound dumb as a movie. The Lawnmower Man? You're joking, right? No? Well, jokes on me then, I guess.

What makes matters worse is when the trailer makes the movie look like a cross between Flowers For Algernon and a pornographic version of the show Reboot. What a bloody mess. I can't believe this was made.

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