Saturday, December 24, 2011

I Hate Hipsters

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I detest hipsters. They deserve knuckle-sandwiches and swirlies by burly men wearing varsity jackets. Now, I'm not a hateful man. I'm really not. But there's just something about hipsters that I loathe. It was hard narrowing it down to three generalities, but I have and they're below. Read on.

The Look

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Tight ass pants (Possibly even jeggings). Black glasses. A silly looking hat (Possibly a douchey fadora), maybe even a scarf when it's below 50 degrees. An annoying, anti-manly, mustache (For the dudes). For a group of people who claim to be so creative, you sure do seem to fall in line when it comes to wearing a uniform. Weak.

Music preference

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Okay, so I may be a music snob myself, but I never flaunt it like a badge of honor. Hipsters seem to revel in the fact that the band you like can't compare to the obscure band they like. And that whatever their favorite band is, their first album was better than...their first album. Hipsters are annoying like that. Bleh.

Their Outlook on Life

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Hipsters seem to think, or at least the ones I've talked to, that they're smarter than you. They shrug off important details and are very quiet until an issue they're passionate about comes up, and then, they light up and disavow any opinion you might have with a smug look. They do this because they obviously understand something that you don't and know what they're talking about...because they're experts on everything. The word hipster is pretty much a synonym for douchebag.

In closing

I know that not ALL hipsters are like this. Generalizing an entire group is just as bad as racism. And I must admit, when they're not giving you that look of theirs or their penises aren't poking out through their tight ass pants, they usually have a cheerful attitude about them. As least the females do. Still, whenever I see one, I just want to spit on the floor. Hipsters, chill with that shit. It's annoying as hell. Go away.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love this post! This is the kind of question I ask all the time here in LA (where we have a very high hipster population) but it never comes across well because you're not supposed to be a hater here. I cannot understand how people can leave the house dressed like that. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. And speaking as a woman, it is INSANELY not hot. At all. Mustaches? The only people in HISTORY who are allowed to have mustaches in 2012 are:

-Anyone born in the 18th century STILL ALIVE TODAY
-Tom Selleck
-Burt Reynolds
-Chuck Norris

That's it.

You're not on the list? You can't have a mustache.