Christopher Nolan Has Actually DOOMED DC's Cinematic Universe, Not Saved It

(Image taken from: www.comicbookmovie.com)

Christopher Nolan got quite a few Marvel fanboys upset the other day when he commented that "real" movies don't have post-credit scenes. (The director has since said that he was misquoted, which I believe). Listen, I like Christopher Nolan and always have ever since I saw his second movie, Memento.

But the truth is, Christopher Nolan has officially RUINED DC's cinematic universe rather than saved it. Let me explain. It all goes back to The Dark Knight. Sure, Batman Begins was okay, but it wasn't the touchstone film that its sequel, The Dark Knight, was. In fact, The Dark Knight created a sea change within the industry of comic book movies. After TDK, comic book films became much darker, and if they weren't dark, then they were seen as goofy and childish (Like Green Lantern, which bombed). This is a problem that has actually stuck with Warner Bros./DC and doesn't seem to be going away. While Marvel distanced itself from this concept of brooding superheroes, Warner Bros./DC seems to want to continue with the notion that if you're watching a DC movie, it's not going to be colorful and playful like a Marvel film. Man of Steel is a clear example of this.

(Image taken from: collider.com)

Instead of being bright and colorful--a real showcase of the red, the white, and blue--we instead got a much darker, both in color and in tone, picture, where Superman actually KILLS General Zod. This has caused contention with many fans of Supes, and has spelled a new era of Superman. This is an era that I will call "The Nolan Effect". Unlike "The Avengers Effect", which is all about throwing in as many characters as possible and making it one large spectacle, DC/WB is still under the impression that people want lugubrious and heavy superhero pictures. In other words, DC/WB is still trying to prove that they're NOT MARVEL. And if you want something for babies, then watch something like The Avengers. But if you want something more introspective and grown-up, come to us.

Don't believe me? Just look at this poster for Batman v. Superman:

(Image taken from: www.denofgeek.com)

I mean, jeez. More darkness? More bad times? No levity? I thought this was supposed to be SUPERMAN. Not The Crow. "It can't rain all the time," right?

So, in many ways, if DC stays with the Nolan mentality, it will effectively doom the DC Cinematic universe, as these are COMIC BOOK MOVIES. Maybe Batman can be taken seriously (I guess), but it doesn't apply for all of these other characters who are soon coming out the gate from DC. Because if something as corny as The Flash is going to be like watching a World War II movie, then they're doing wrong.

Lighten up.

The Ten Worst Movies I've Ever Seen In My Entire Life

Plan 9 From Outer Space. Manos: The Hands of Fate. Troll 2. These aren't bad movies, mainly because people derive great enjoyment from them year after year. And isn't that the ultimate point of movies in the first place, for people to enjoy them? I think so, and that's why I can't include them on this list of the ten worst movies I've ever seen in my entire life. So, without further ado, on with the list.

(Image taken from: imagesdb.net)

10. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

It takes a pretty terrible movie to ruin not one, but two fan favorite Marvel characters, but X-Men Origins: Wolverine managed to do it. Deadpool, played by Ryan Reynolds (Groan), was an absolute disaster, and Gambit, played by Taylor Kitsch, couldn't be any less like the ragin' Cajun. To add insult to injury, it probably has the very worst CG in any of the X-Men movies. The scene where Wolvierine is in the bathroom is particularly awful, as his claws look TERRIBLE! How did they mess that up so badly? His claws looked fine in all the other X-Men movies. Gawd! I mean, jeez Louise. A movie so bad that its sequel, The Wolverine, pretended like it never even existed, as it shouldn't have. What a mess.

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9. Godzilla (2014)

It's my hatred for movies like Godzilla that makes people think I have terrible taste in movies. Either that, or they think I'm too hard on movies that are only meant to be fun. But no, Godzilla is a f**king train wreck. Everything about it is terrible. The tone is off (Dark film equals evil Godzilla, lighter film equals hero Godzilla), the main character is that kid from Kick-Ass, and when Godzilla is finally in the movie, he's only there for about ten minutes. And he sucks. As a massive Godzilla fan who has seen every last one of his movies, I find all of this inexcusable and an insult to Godzilla's name. I didn't think it could be possible to find a Godzilla movie even worse than the one that came out in the 90s, but this is it. This is that turd.

(Image taken from: www.crankycritic.com)

8. Madea's Family Reunion

All of the Madea movies suck. Every last one of them. But while each one may have at least one funny thing that happens in them (Madea takes out her gun, Mr. Brown does a little dance), this movie is devoid of any humor whatsoever. I mean, there are absolutely NO laughs in it. Not a one. I don't think I've ever sat through a "comedy" where I didn't chuckle at least once, but I didn't with this movie. I couldn't even crack a smile. Out of all of the Madea movies I've seen, this is by far the worst. When it was over, I shouted "Hallelujar!"

(Image taken from: en.wikipedia.org)

7. 2012

Roland Emmerich makes garbage. Some of it is tolerable garbage (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow) And some of it is even good garbage (White House Down). But the fact is, Emmerich makes the kind of loud, obnoxious movies that you can turn your brain off to and veg out to for a good couple of hours. I think of him as a slightly more talented Michael Bay. He's not so bad. But, reaching Michael Bay levels of awfulness was 2012, which is such a massive waste of time that I probably spent half of its run-time looking at the ceiling from rolling my eyes so much. This movie is so bad, that when the audience started clapping during certain scenes, I booed as loudly as I could to drown them out. I'm usually not that much of a jerk, but I felt compelled to be one watching this movie. 2012 really did bring out the worst in me.

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6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3

This one still stings. TMNT3 is such an insult to my beloved turtles, that I've tried to repress the memory of it for countless years. But the fact is, it still exists. I could say more, but James Rolfe, better known as The Angry Video Game Nerd, complains about it better than I ever could. Watch.

(Image taken from: en.wikipedia.org)

5. Sucker Punch

I'm pretty sure Sucker Punch is the only movie I've actually gotten a headache watching. Directed by Zack Snyder, this loud, colorful (Too colorful) mess of a movie has a stupid plot, terrible pacing, and characters you don't give a flying f**k about. If only this were the only Zack Snyder movie I would consider one of the worst movies I've ever seen...

(Image taken from: en.wikipedia.org)

4. 10,000 B.C.

Another bomb from Roland Emmerich, this movie is so bad that I decided within only five minutes of watching it that I was going to take a $10 nap. This alone should put this movie even higher on the list, but one scene in particular keeps it from hitting rock bottom, and it's so bad, it's actually good. I've derived countless laughs from it. My friend even woke me from my nap just to see it. He knew I would laugh my ass off. He was right.

(Image taken from: en.wikipedia.org)

3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Oh, God. Michael Bay. It's actually pretty surprising that I don't have any of his other movies on this list. The man is just awful. He started out well with movies like Bad Boys and The Rockbut he has sunken so low in quality that I don't even bother to expect his movies to be any good anymore. They won't be. All of his recent ones suck. And out of these recent films, I find Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen to be his very worst. That said, I haven't seen the recent one and I don't plan on it. And I would probably say the third one is his worst if I hadn't fallen asleep during it, so I really can't make the call. But two is just terrible. Not only that, but it's also offensive with Mudflap and Skid, or, as I refer to them as, the "Nig bots." Every time they came on the screen I became infuriated. Here were these two autobots that were obviously supposed to be black, and Michael Bay played them to be complete idiots. I couldn't take it. I just couldn't. And then you had the rest of that bombastic trash vomitted on the screen, and what you ended up with was a marathon of nonsense that was very difficult to sit through. Definitely one of the worst experiences I've ever had in a movie theater.

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2. Man of Steel

I mean, talk about a load of garbage. Man of Steel is unbelievably bad. The whole time, I couldn't understand why it had to be so dark or why Superman had to KILL General Zod. None of it made any sense, and it was even super corny. When Amy Adams says, "Welcome to the Planet" at the end of the movie, signifying both the planet Earth and the Daily Planet newspaper, I pretty much lost it, I was so angry. It was so stupid and boring that I was pretty close to calling it the very worst film I have ever seen in my entire life, but there is still one worse...

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1. Rollerball

Oh, man. You have no idea how lucky you are that you've never seen this movie. I mean, the original with James Caan is great, and it still holds up today. But the remake...well, words cannot describe how much I detested it. I usually give films I hate a second chance, like Man of Steel. The second time through, it's still terrible. But Rollerball is on a whole other level of awful. It's all a blur, really, and all I remember about it was Paul Hayman, Jean Reno, and the very last line of the movie, which involved Rebecca Rominjn suggesting that all problems could be solved, "IN BED." This, my friends, is the very WORST movie I have ever seen in my entire life, and I will never watch it again. You couldn't pay me to sit through it a second time. Oh, God!



Honorable mentions: Van Helsing, The Happening, Elektra, Jeepers Creepers, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

The Top Ten Worst Movies I Suffered Through in 2013

In many ways, 2013 was a very blah year for films. Sure, there were some damn good flicks (that list is coming soon), but nothing so extraordinary that I would say there's any one movie that deserves to win best picture over another. That said, there have been some really lousy movies this year, and this crop is only the ones I've seen. I didn't see The Counselor or The Hangover: Part III since I knew they were going to be awful. But the movies below, I definitely saw and rolled my eyes at to an unhealthy degree. This year the stinkers came out in droves. How many of these clunkers did you waste your time on this year?

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10. Oz The Great and Powerful

Talk about boring. Evil Dead director, Sam Raimi, had the opportunity to put his strange, demented spin on The Wizard of Oz story, but instead, we got some lackluster drivel that was more meandering than fun. I'm sure Disney had a lot to say about keeping it clean, but come on. This forgettable flick had no charm whatsoever. Even with James Franco making all his funny rapist smiles, it still felt like a modern Tim Burton movie, which isn't good at all. I fell asleep at least twice watching this snoozefest. We're off to see the Zzzz....

(Image taken from imdb.com)

9. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

What pisses me off about this movie is that they could have gone super campy with it and didn't. Instead, we got a terrible "action" picture that took itself way too seriously with dialogue that wasn't even remotely funny. The action should have been insane, the storyline bizarre, and the characters should have been spouting off one-liners every two seconds. Basically, I was hoping for another Army of Darkness, but instead, I got Hansel and Gretel: Generic Action Picture. Boo.

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8. Thor: The Dark World

I know I'm often alone when I say this, but I really liked the first Thor movie. I found it hilarious. But a big complaint many people had with it was that there wasn't enough action and adventure. Well, we got that with the second movie, Thor: The Dark World, and let me just tell you that I couldn't have been more disappointed. The action was so cookie-cutter I spent more time looking at the ceiling as I rolled my eyes than I did looking at the screen. Putting more magic in the movie took a lot of magic out of the film itself, as I preferred the god of Asgard in an unfamiliar setting rather then putting all the action in a realm of magic itself. It wasn't a terrible movie by any means, but it was such a step down from its predecessor that I feel I had to put it on this list. How could I not?

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7. Evil Dead

What I hate most about this movie is that with its gratuitous gore and special effects, you can tell it was made for this generation, and it shouldn't have been. If you're going to use the Evil Dead name, it damn well better be for the fans, and this movie certainly isn't, not even with Bruce Campbell saying "Groovy" after the end credits. All of the messy charm of the original movie, which this film is trying to replicate, is gone. In its place, we get even more annoying characters and a lack of anything unique or special about it at all. What stings the most though is that this could have been great if the director really put thought into what made the original such an excellent movie in the first place (Big hint: It wasn't the scares). A remake is a remake is a remake, unfortunately, and this one is one of the worst. Pass.

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6. Star Trek Into Darkness

Star Trek Into Darkness has probably one of the greatest opening moments I've seen in recent movie history, but it all goes downhill when you realize J.J. Abrams lied to everyone and this really was a sort of remake to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, which everybody is in agreement is the greatest ST movie ever. I feel like the very moment Sherlock (Yes, I know the actor's real name) says that he's Khan is when the movie turns super vanilla. The most groan-inducing moment of the whole enterprise, though (Do you see what I did there?) is when they reverse the Spock/Kirk hand on the glass moment, which only cheapens the film even more when they bring Kirk back in the very next scene. Good Lord, what a trainwreck this was.

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5. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

What a dumbass movie this was. Just like the last Hobbit movie, this film shouldn't have even been made. The Hobbit, unlike The Lord of the Rings trilogy, is a fun book. It's not dark and it's for children. It's a grand adventure. But these movies, which are also directed by Peter Jackson, have absolutely none of the humor or charm of the book at all. Not only that, but terrible subplots are added like an elf/dwarf love triangle that goes absolutely nowhere. The worst part is, now that I've seen both the first AND the second movie, I HAVE to see the third movie now when it comes out next year. It's just in my nature. So The Hobbit: The Quest for Money now has my money to add to its grand total. Good grief, I feel like I've been robbed.

(Image taken from: collider.com)

4. R.I.P.D.

In truth, R.I.P.D. is the real worst movie of the year as it has no redeeming features whatsoever, not even Jeff Bridges. Still, this Men in Black rip-off isn't number one on this list because even though it's a worthless piece of crap, I still didn't hate it. In fact, I forgot it even came out this year it was so uninteresting. So it's here because, like The Lone Ranger, it's so forgettable that you feel like you wasted your money watching it. So I really can't be that mad at it. I forgot it even existed.

(image taken from: www.imdb.com)

3. A Good Day to Die Hard

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that A Good Day to Die Hard is the worst big budget action movie I've ever seen. I couldn't be more bored watching this movie. John McClane went from being in peril after losing too much blood in the first movie to being indestructible in this one. How could you even be worried about a character when you KNOW they can't die hard like the title suggests? Add in a worthless new character with his son, and you have a film I was seething while watching. I mean, how could they mess up Die Hard so badly? Die Hard 2 is bad, and Die Hard With a Vengeance errs on being bad, but this movie takes the cake by a longshot. It's terrible! What were they thinking?

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2. Iron Man 3

You want to talk a load of crap? Well, let's talk Iron Man 3 then. I don't even care if you haven't seen it yet, I'm going to spoil it for you. You ever hear of The Mandarin? He's only Iron Man's biggest foe. Well, you know what they do in this steaming pile of crap? They make a mockery of him. And I don't just mean they don't portray him like he is in the comic. No, I mean they literally make a mockery of him by having Ben Kingsley playing an actor that's meant to be the Mandarin. We find out about midway through that there really isn't an evil overlord and that The Mandarin is just a bait and switch to hide the true evil. I mean, what the hell?! Fans of Iron Man have been pining for the Mandarin since the very first IM movie, and this is what we get? A freaking joke?! Besides that, the action sucks, the story is yawn inducing, and the plot is lazy, even for a comic book film. No, just no. Iron Man 3 was a disaster. It shouldn't even exist.

(image taken from: www.focusfilm.co.uk)

1. Man of Steel

Here it is, folks. The grand turkey of 2013. Man of Steel is so bad, I find I can no longer trust anybody's opinion on films at all if they said they actually liked it. It's that awful. From the very first second on Planet Krypton I could tell the movie was going to be terrible. Zack Snyder, in his whorish visual effect fashion, made a CG world so unappealing and loud that I knew the rest of the film would go down that path, and it did. The fight scenes, especially the last one where Supes and Zod basically demolish Metropolis is a case study in how not to direct a movie. And the story itself was so corny that I had a hard time not wincing through the entire production. Man of Steel was a complete waste of time and the very worst movie I saw in 2013. But what are your thoughts? What did you hate this year? Sound off in the comments below.

Warner Bros. Wants DC to Be Marvel So Badly, It's Pathetic

(Image taken from: thewrap.com)

By now, I'm sure you all know that Warner Bros' Batman Vs Superman has now become Batman Vs. Superman...And Wonder Woman. And possibly The Flash. Now, before anybody starts wondering about my opinions on the very slim, Gal Gadot, playing Wonder Woman, let me just start this off by saying, I don't give a crap. How could I when Zack Snyder is directing the damn thing? The film already has enough problems as it is. I don't need to bring up yet another.

No. The primary reason I'm writing this piece is to talk about how pathetic it is that Warner Bros. is trying to make a Justice League movie, but they're too terrified to call it such. Instead, they're hiding behind their two biggest franchises and pawning it off as something else, which is dumb. The minute Wonder Woman was announced to be in this movie was the minute that everybody realized that this was not going to be a good film. And it's not because Wonder Woman sucks or anything like that (Although, to be honest with you, I kind of think she does). It's just that we all know that a compelling story is going to be swept aside when it comes to this film. I mean, honestly, unless the film is four hours long, how could you possibly introduce a brand new Batman as well as Wonder Woman, and still have a real narrative thread in there? Again, this is Zack Snyder we're talking about here. If his past record can be trusted, he doesn't even know what a plot line is unless it concerns explosions and CG. The man is clueless as a director. Absolutely clueless.

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I mean, it's obvious what Warner Bros. is trying to make a DC Avengers movie, but they're going at it backward. Instead of introducing the characters first, they're throwing them into one giant vat of sock stew. MoS was pretty much PoS, so if they couldn't nail one character, how the hell are they going to nail three (And possibly four if rumors are correct about The Flash making an appearance)? My friend last night, who is a big DC fan, said that even though I'm hating on the it now, I'm going to see it when it comes out in theaters, but I'm not so sure of that anymore. I really hated Snyder's Superman movie that much. It was so terrible it put me to sleep. But what are your thoughts on all of this? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.