Review: The Dark Knight Returns

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

The Dark Knight Returns is TERRIBLE. I don't understand why people still talk about it to this day. I understand its significance and importance in relation to what Batman is like today, but outside of the context of Batman, why do people STILL like it? I've heard people put it up there with The Watchmen, and let me just say this--It is nowhere NEAR as good as The Watchmen. The Watchmen is actually like literature. It had something to say. But this, well, it has nothing to say. Batman is old and he's in a society that feels they don't need vigilantes anymore, until they do. And then Batman comes back, does some stuff, gets a new Robin, rides a horse, fights Superman, the end. Honestly, that's the whole story, and it meanders all over the place.

Frank Miller, author of Sin City and a whole bunch of other crummy comics, was not and is still not a very good writer. I'm not saying he's not a good comic book writer, because he suits his purpose. But he's no Neil Gaiman. He's no Alan Moore. Hell, he's not even Sam Keith, who penned the brilliant comic, The Maxx, back in the early 90s. What Frank Miller did was change the whole vision of Batman, which is to be commended, sure, but not to be applauded to the extent that The Dark Knight Returns is considered one of the greatest graphic novels of all time. It's not even close. To cite one of the lines of this terribly boring book, The Dark Knight Returns is "balls nasty." And not in a good way, like it's used in this book, but in a bad way, like balls actually being nasty. Especially if they're not cleaned.

I know you've heard a lot about this book, but it's not justified. It sucks. Plain and simple. Read something else instead.

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Christopher Nolan Has Actually DOOMED DC's Cinematic Universe, Not Saved It

(Image taken from: www.comicbookmovie.com)

Christopher Nolan got quite a few Marvel fanboys upset the other day when he commented that "real" movies don't have post-credit scenes. (The director has since said that he was misquoted, which I believe). Listen, I like Christopher Nolan and always have ever since I saw his second movie, Memento.

But the truth is, Christopher Nolan has officially RUINED DC's cinematic universe rather than saved it. Let me explain. It all goes back to The Dark Knight. Sure, Batman Begins was okay, but it wasn't the touchstone film that its sequel, The Dark Knight, was. In fact, The Dark Knight created a sea change within the industry of comic book movies. After TDK, comic book films became much darker, and if they weren't dark, then they were seen as goofy and childish (Like Green Lantern, which bombed). This is a problem that has actually stuck with Warner Bros./DC and doesn't seem to be going away. While Marvel distanced itself from this concept of brooding superheroes, Warner Bros./DC seems to want to continue with the notion that if you're watching a DC movie, it's not going to be colorful and playful like a Marvel film. Man of Steel is a clear example of this.

(Image taken from: collider.com)

Instead of being bright and colorful--a real showcase of the red, the white, and blue--we instead got a much darker, both in color and in tone, picture, where Superman actually KILLS General Zod. This has caused contention with many fans of Supes, and has spelled a new era of Superman. This is an era that I will call "The Nolan Effect". Unlike "The Avengers Effect", which is all about throwing in as many characters as possible and making it one large spectacle, DC/WB is still under the impression that people want lugubrious and heavy superhero pictures. In other words, DC/WB is still trying to prove that they're NOT MARVEL. And if you want something for babies, then watch something like The Avengers. But if you want something more introspective and grown-up, come to us.

Don't believe me? Just look at this poster for Batman v. Superman:

(Image taken from: www.denofgeek.com)

I mean, jeez. More darkness? More bad times? No levity? I thought this was supposed to be SUPERMAN. Not The Crow. "It can't rain all the time," right?

So, in many ways, if DC stays with the Nolan mentality, it will effectively doom the DC Cinematic universe, as these are COMIC BOOK MOVIES. Maybe Batman can be taken seriously (I guess), but it doesn't apply for all of these other characters who are soon coming out the gate from DC. Because if something as corny as The Flash is going to be like watching a World War II movie, then they're doing wrong.

Lighten up.

Adding All These Characters to Batman v. Superman Is Bad For the Future of DC, Not Good

(Image taken from: www.christiantoday.com)

Just recently, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice became Batman v Superman v Wonder Woman v Cyborg v Aquaman, and possibly v The Flash v Green Lantern (Because, seriously, how can you introduce Aquaman and not introduce The Flash and Green Lantern?). Now, while many comic book fans, including yours truly, think that Wonder Woman and the rest of the gang who aren’t Batman or Superman will probably show up in some post-credits scene, let’s just think about this for a moment. Is all this news about characters who will undoubtedly show up in the Justice League movie good for Batman v. Superman, or bad? If you ask me, it’s bad. In fact, it’s very bad, and I don’t see anything positive about it at all. It’s all leading up to one gargantuan mess, and we, the audience, are going to suffer for it.

First, there’s the possibility that these characters are actually not just in the post-credits scene and are actually instrumental to the story. If that’s the case, then many people will be looking for them in the movie and will be grossly disappointed that all this hype has been built up for these characters and they aren’t even going to be in the main film. Now, if characters like Wonder Woman and Cyborg were never mentioned ahead of time, very much like how S.H.I.E.L.D. and other groups and characters were never mentioned prior to a Marvel movie’s release and were instead just Easter eggs, then they would be a pleasant surprise at the end. This would totally ramp up anticipation for their characters in future films. But as it stands, when we find out way, way, way in advance that Gal Godot is not only set to play Wonder Woman, but that she will actually be in Batman v. Superman, then you have unnecessary anticipation levels. If Wonder Woman is not in the movie and is only in a post credits scene, many Wonder Woman fans will be disappointed, and deservedly so. Why mention her if she’s not going to be kicking butt in the main film? Why all the press?

Then, you have the issue that DC and Warner Bros. are just plain desperate to catch up to Marvel by adding all these Justice League characters, because honestly, introducing Aquaman and Cyborg in a movie called Batman v. Superman just reeks of desperation. For a long time, there was always the question of whether there would even be a Justice League movie. And now, not only is there going to be one, but the characters in it are going to be introduced in the most slapdash way possible. Say what you will about Green Lantern or Aquaman, but these are names that a majority of the public already knows in some shape or form. That said, their backgrounds aren’t as familiar as say, Batman or Superman’s, and you can’t just have a movie where you throw in The Flash or Wonder Woman, and expect people unfamiliar with their histories to fully get a sense of who they are. It’s really not fair and for several reasons.

One reason it’s not fair is because fans of these characters aren’t getting a fair deal. Someone like Green Lantern got the short end of the stick last time and most certainly won’t get much time to shine if he’s sharing the spotlight with Batman and Superman. Another reason it’s not fair is because movie goers who want to truly understand these characters really won’t get to. For most people, Aquaman is a joke as TV shows like Entourage have perpetuated the idea that he’s lame. But just because he’s now being played by Jason Mamoa, that doesn’t mean audience members will suddenly change their opinion on the character. They will mostly just be confused if he’s this tough guy and not much is explained about why he’s not like the wuss people have always thought he was, which will be what happens when he’s introduced with around four or five other characters. And thirdly, it’s not fair to the characters themselves to just throw them in a blender like this. If anything, a character like Cyborg needs his own movie, and a good one, to be truly accepted as anything but some weird, mechanical black dude a lot of people have never even seen or heard of before outside of the comic book community. The last thing he needs is to show up in some post-credits scene scowling. That would be really dumb.

Honestly, it feels like with announcing all these newcomers to Batman v. Superman, Warner Bros feels that they aren’t strong enough to star in a movie of their own. We already see that with the last Green Lantern movie, but just look at what Marvel did. The first Incredible Hulk was seen to be a failure. So Marvel revamped the character and made a new movie. This was all prior to The Avengers, by the way. But Warner Bros. is going ass backwards with this. They are going to introduce characters who aren’t as popular as Batman or Superman in their movie. Is it really enough to have Aquaman slam down his trident in a post-credit scene for us to get a sense of who Aquaman really is? I definitely don’t think so.

And that’s why introducing characters in this way, with new updates every few months, is a bad way for DC to move forward. Sure, it will keep people thinking about the film and its possibilities until it comes out on May 6th, 2016 (The same day as Captain America 3). But if they blow this and introduce all these characters in a poor way, it’s going to blow up in their faces and really set DC back several years. Unless the execution is absolutely perfect (And with Zack Snyder at the helm, I’m not positive it will be), this could be a huge mistake. Here’s hoping it isn’t, but things aren’t looking good.

Outrage Over Ben Affleck As The New Batman

(Image taken from: www.biography.com)

Let me just say that I'm outraged (OUTRAGED!) that Ben Affleck has been offered the role as the new Batman. Didn't anybody at Warner Bros. see Daredevil? Don't be fooled, people. Yes, Ben Affleck is one mighty fine director. (Ahem, Argo, The Town, Gone, Baby, Gone). But Batman? BATMAN!? What were they thinking?!

I mean, how can you take seventeen steps forward with Christian Bale as the Dark Knight, and then, take a million steps backward with Ben Affleck? The Batman franchise has gone from this in my mind:



To this:

God! I'm so aggravated.

10 Batman Villains We Wish We'd Seen In a Christopher Nolan Movie

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)












Here are some Batman villains who we will sadly never see in a Christopher Nolan movie. Check them out here.

The Top Ten Cartoons of the 90s

I was born in 1983, so that makes me a child of the 90s. Sure, I remember seeing Thundercats on TV. I remember seeing G.I. Joe, Transformers, and Voltron, but those weren't my cartoons. Those were for people born in the 1970s.

MY cartoons officially started around 1989. So that means, the only Transformers that I was really into was these:



Sure, kids of today would scoff at how awful the computer models look, but that's where I'm coming from when I'm talking about the Transformers that I truly know. Optimus Prime is a monkey.

Even so, I wouldn't dare put that in my top ten favorite cartoons of the 90s. No, that list has a very specific batch. Now, I asked around and a lot of people agreed with my picks, so this list won't be as polarizing as some of my others. Without further Apu (Simpsons fans know where I'm coming from with that one) the top ten best cartoons of the 90s...

10. Doug

(Image taken from: last2pics.com)

If you asked me to tell you the plot of a single episode, I probably couldn't. But if you asked me about the characters, I'd say, oh, you got Skeeter ("Honk honk!"), Roger Klotz, his older sister, Judy, his dog, Porkchop, and of course, the love of his life, Patti Mayonnaise.

And that's because Doug was a show about characters. So much so, that when Nickelodeon's Doug became Disney's Doug, we all got really upset when they cut Patti Mayonnaise's hair. Let me just repeat that last sentence: We all got really upset when they cut Patti Mayonnaise's hair.

Are you serious? That really bothered us back then? Well, yeah, it did, and that says a lot when people get bothered (Or actually, approve of, for a select minority) when a character on a cartoon show gets a haircut that's too short.

Oh, and by the way, who needs the Beatles when you've got the Beets?



9. Animaniacs

(image taken from: thebestcartoonwallpapers.blogspot.com)

Admit it, you didn't get every joke on Animaniacs when you watched it as a kid. You didn't really know half the movies that they were referencing, and you had a hard time wrapping your head around why they kept calling their psychiatrist, Dr. Scratchansniff, a "P" sychiatrist. It all went over your head. It doesn't matter. Animaniacs did back then what a lot of cartoons are doing today--Not dumbing it down just because it's a cartoon. I'd venture to say that it wasn't even a kids' cartoon. Would a kids' cartoon really have an episode parodying Apocalypse Now? The fact of the matter is, it was a great show that appealed to both kids, because it was wacky, and to adults, because it was smart, and everybody benefited from it. And that Wheel of Morality sure does give great tips!

Here's one of my favorite scenes from the show:



And who could forget Chicken Boo?



8. X-Men: The Animated Series

(Image taken from: dvdactive.com)

As a comic book nerd growing up, I already knew about the X-Men. But the uncanny mutants were around long before I was born, so it was nice to see some of their older stories get played out on TV. The Phoenix Saga, for one, was a thing of legend, and it was awesome to see the epicness of it all without having to backtrack through the older comics to learn about it. Sure, some details were changed, but overall, it took phenomenal stories and introduced them to a new audience. Plus, you gotta love that intro.



7. Ren and Stimpy

(Image taken from: students.stedwards.edu)

Unlike Animaniacs, Ren and Stimpy was definitly not for kids. Sure, it was shown TO kids, but that doesn't mean that it was shown FOR kids. Unlike the innocence of Spongebob today, which I'd say is the show's nearest successor, Ren and Stimpy just went way, way, way beyond any standard of decency that kid's should have been allowed to see. Take in note the board game, Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence, or that Powdered Toast Man flies backwards and sticks his head in the toaster to transform. I mean, what IS this? That's all I could ask myself when I was younger. What-the hell-am I watching? And that's why it was so good. Any show that can make you question if you're still living in reality has to go on this list.



6. Gargoyles

(Image taken from: blog.newsarama.com)

When picking a favorite show from the two hour Disney block we all used to watch after school, most people would pick something like Duck Tales or Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers or Darkwing Duck, and I'm not saying that you're wrong by picking those shows. I'm just saying that you're less right than I am.

The other aforementioned shows, while great in their own right, weren't as deep or as rich as Gargoyles, which just came out of nowhere. The concept alone was genuine and awesome. Gargoyles, those things that you see on the top of city buildings, actually come to life at night and have adventures? No wai! Also, add to the fact that it had a deep mythology and went back several generations, and you had a show that actually made Disney cool. That, and the fact that badass Goliath was voiced by similar badass, Keith David. Ohhhh, yeeeeeah.



5. Beavis and Butt-head

(Image taken from: epguides.com)

Today, I can watch an episode of Beavis and Butt-head and not laugh once, but very few cartoon characters of the 90s were as beloved as the heroes of the "heh heh's" and "huh huh's" as B&B were. What I loved most about the show is when they would just sit on the couch and watch crummy music videos and make fun of them. Interestingly enough, I actually discovered one of my favorite bands during one of these segments, which I guess just furthers the notion that I really DO like shitty music.



4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

(Image taken from: loyalkng.com)

If you were alive in the 60s, then you had the Beatles. If you were alive in the 90s, then you had the Turtles. TMNT was not just a cartoon, it was a phenomenon, and EVERYBODY was into them. EV-RY-BODY. When I was a kid, race, religion or creed didn't matter to me. It was, "Who's your favorite Ninja Turtle?" which would determine our friendship. If you said, Donatello, then you had to stay the hell away from me. Most of my friends were Michelangelo fans, but I was always more of a Raphael kind of guy. He was cool, but rude (Give me a break!) you know.

I STILL get fond memories for the turtles. Still.



3. The Maxx

(Image taken from: screwattack.com)

Now here's the only cartoon on my list that may not be on your own. For anybody who knows me, they know that The Maxx is my favorite comic book character of all time. And yes, even more than Moon Knight. The Maxx used to be shown on MTV on a series called MTV Oddities, which featured another excellent show called The Head. The Maxx is deep. Very deep. Jungian deep. It was an excellent comic book and the show was basically just the comic book, panel for panel, on the screen. You can't get any better than that. If you find it, pick it up. It's definitely worth the watch.



You can actually watch full episodes here: http://www.mtv.com/videos/the-maxx-episode-1/1611381/playlist.jhtml

2. Batman: The Animated Series

(Image taken from: comicattack.net)

Batman: The Animated Series won Emmys. It is, in my opinion, not only one of the greatest cartoons of the 90s, but also, the greatest animated, televised drama ever. Nothing even compares to it. Batman has been shown and repackaged since the 60s in many different variations, but none as darkly engaging as when he had this animated gem. All the familiar villains were there--The Joker, The Penguin, Two Face--but then, there were other's that weren't so known, like The Mad Hatter, Killer Croc, and my personal favorite, Clayface. And the best thing was, none of them were mistreated. All of them were given phenomenal episodes, and some of them, I'm not even ashamed to say, made me cry. Will there ever be another show like this one, I don't know, but for any of us who were alive at the time to appreciate it, we were lucky.



1. The Simpsons

(Image taken from: insidesocial.com)

Okay, let's please just try to forget The Simpsons of the 2000s and try to focus on The Simpsons that America really and truly loved. Once you do that, I don't think there's even a question about what the best cartoon of the 90s was. Hell, I'd say, The Simpsons was the best television show of the 90s, period. Sure, you can whine, "But what about Seinfeld?" in Jerry's annoying voice, and yeah, Seinfeld is definitely in the top two. But the only reason that you'd put Seinfeld over The Simpsons is because Seinfeld knew when it was time to bow out gracefully, and The Simpsons doesn't have a clue.

If The Simpsons had ended in what many, if not all, fans would call the golden years of the show, then I'm pretty sure more people would be calling it the greatest show of all time, cartoon notwithstanding.

Nothing was funnier than The Simpsons at its prime. Nothing was as engaging, and nothing was as marketable. The 90s, for me anyway, was the 16-bit war, Bill Clinton, and The Simpsons, and when I look back and tell my grandkids about it before I tell them that I didn't put any of them in my will, I'll say the same thing--The 90s consisted of three major events, the 16-bit war, Bill Clinton, and The Simpsons. Those are the things that were good in my life when I was a child, and I'll never forget them. I just hope that future generations can look back at the show when (if) it finally goes off the air and notice that the show at one point DID achieve nirvana. It was just buried by a lot of crap that really should never have been released.



Possibly my favorite moment from the show ever.