Question: Why Are Men Attracted to Women With Exotic Hair Colors Like Blue, Green, and Purple?

The Skinny: Though blond and red heads definitely drive most men wild, what drives many men even more wild is women with exotic, never appearing in genetics, hair colors like blue, green, and purple. But why? Why do so many guys go ga-ga for something that just doesn’t appear in nature? Women wearing blue wigs (Like Katy Perry, sigh) look about one million times hotter when they look like they’re part goddess, part Smurf, don’t they? So what’s the deal? Well, I think I might have the answer.

The Answer: I’m no Sigmund Freud, but I definitely think that having the hots for a woman with bizarre hair colors definitely stems from repressed, sexual feelings for cartoon characters men used to watch as children, namely Marge Simpson. For many men in my generation, Mrs. Simpson may have been the first female they unconsciously had the hots for but didn’t understand why. But she wasn’t the only one. Anime fans had a whole bevy of women to choose from, and that’s just from the Sailor Scouts alone. The truth is (And I’m seriously considering writing a thesis about this), the reason why men have the hots for any woman in their adulthood stems from the curves and appeal of the characters in their toy boxes when they were younger, with many of them being super curvaceous and having long, plastic hair (fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on who you talk to, women haven’t adopted this last trait), that stretches all the way to their butts. So the next time you see a woman with neon green hair walking down the street and start salivating uncontrollably, it’s not because she’s an Asian in a school girl outfit, no (Though, that does help). It’s because she reminds you of some chick you saw in a Japanese anime when you were younger, yes. I hope that clears things up.

Question: Why Do So Many Men Hate Uggs Boots So Much?

The Skinny: Ugg. When the cold weather comes around, you can expect two things normally--Shoveling out your car (If you're an east and midwest man, that is) and women wearing Uggs boots, which, like it or not, appear to be here to stay. Now, as a guy, I have stared at these hideous Himalayan hikers with great loathing for years now and I've found that I'm not the only one. Many guys I know will blatantly tell women flat out that: "Those boots you have on are Uuuuuugg-ly. Get it? Ugly? Uggs? Aww, what do you know?" right to their faces, not feeling a shade bad about telling their girlfriends, wives, and yes, even their mothers that they've chosen a very poor style of clothing to keep their feet warm. But why do guys hate them so much? And why are some men so mean to women when they see them? Well, I think I might have the answer.

The Answer: Many men are still upset that Zubaz pants have gone out of fashion. If you don’t remember Zubaz (And I seriously question your masculinity if you don’t), they were the outrageous, stretchy pants that bodybuilders used to wear so the back of their pants wouldn’t rip whenever they would do squats. Zubaz were everywhere back in the 90s, and they came in awesome colors, like Zebra stripe, leopard print, and even the American flag (God bless America). They were pretty much everywhere men with testosterone could be found.



But then, something began to happen in the late 90s, something horrible. People started to think that Zubaz looked ridiculous. Not since wife beaters, had men had something distinctly their own in the way of fashion, but once many women started to point out the ludicrousness of them, men couldn’t just keep wearing them anymore, could they? No, no they could not, and after awhile, men started to feel awkward walking out in public with red and white striped pants, even though all they were doing was going to their local nutrition store to pick up some protein bars and many a new girlfriend.

So you know what, this is what I think. Deep down, many men resent women when they see them wearing Uggs because we know that they look just as ridiculous wearing them as we do wearing Zubaz pants (They look like something someone would wear if they were storming the ice planet, Hoth). But since women rule fashion, it’s impossible to do anything about it. We’re stuck to just wearing Zubaz in our houses and headbanging in front of the mirror to old GnR CDs. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.