Retro Geek Chic - 13 Old School Gamer Tees

Retro gaming tees are hot right now - on the streets of NYC, across the surgically enhanced chests of celebs in LA, on alt-rock band members, and even baby doll T-shirts for the ladies.And since (according to the Entertainment Software Association) the average age of the modern-day gamer is thirty-three years old (not 12 like your girlfriend keeps insisting), it's perfectly acceptable for a grown man to show a little gamer pride. Especially if you're gonna rock the classics from back in the day. So here are a few that'll show you're a proud level seven geek. With style. [Note: TheBachelorGuy.com is not an affiliate of, associated with, making any money from, or endorsing any of the sites selling shirts mentioned here. I'm just letting you know who has them.]

CONTRA: Relive the first time you went commando with this Contra tee, declare your passion for blowing the hell out of whatever came your way - human, mutant, alien or otherwise - and pledge your undying allegiance to Mad Dog and Scorpion.Link

LEGEND OF ZELDA: Long before Legolas proved that elves were more than tree-dwelling cookie bakers, Link paved the way for the tight-wearing, sword-wielding, pointy-eared heroes in the first Legend of Zelda. Show your fondness for the Princess and the land of Hyrule by sporting this classic logo shirt.Link

PAC MAN: This shirt could be an homage to the 80's pop icon - that ate more pac-dots, outran more ghosts, and sold more merchandise than any other video game - or a pie chart showing the growing world domination of Google. Link

DONKEY KONG: Oh, it's on. Mario may have put the days behind him when he was known as "Jumpman" and fought to free Paulina from this 800 lb. gorilla before scoring his own game and forgetting where he came from. Show Kong you remember him.Link

SUPER MARIO BROTHERS: Who better to "clean your pipes" than the gaming's most famous plumbers, and World Record holders as the best-selling video game of all time? (This is one of the few shirts that includes Luigi. I was always a Luigi fan.)Link

MEGA MAN: Can't remember who your favorite boss was? This shirt featuring all eight of Dr. Wily's original Robot Masters should help you remember.Link

STREET FIGHTER: You blew hundreds of dollars in the arcade playing this revolutionary fighting game a couple quarters at a time, so what's a few dollars more for this t-shirt featuring the entire roster from Street Fighter II: Championship Edition?Link

CASTLEVANIA: Go retro and make a current political statement with this shirt featuring weapons you were actually able to find...Link

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG: Celebrate the birth, on June 23, 1991, of Sonic the Hedgehog, Sega's answer to Nintendo's Mario, with this vintage-style tee. (We're still looking for a tee with Tails, for you sequel fans.)Link

EXCITE BIKE: Remember when you spent the whole day building that one awesome track with all the hills? Sure. You put it on your first resume, didn't you? See how many people run up and tell you how far they got their bikes to go off a sweet jump. And if they tell you 400 meters, they're lying.Link

DUCK HUNT: Part of the reason you wear coke bottles for glasses may be because you sat four inches from the TV screen so you could hit every last duck that flew by. Small price to pay for not having that dog laugh at you. Link

SPACE INVADERS: The sound of these aliens invading your screen was almost as iconic as the sound that announced the arrival of Jaws. Let the world know you've been invaded with this vintage-style tee.Link

PONG: Simple, elegant, and above all, fun, Pong is the one that got us all hooked. Pay tribute to the granddaddy of them all with this tee. Link

Comic Book Crushes Reveal the Type of Woman For You

The Bachelor Guy
05/30/2007

Here's an article I wrote for a website called The Bachelor Guy. Since it's the kind of site where multiple people write under one nom de plume (notably, the bachelor guy), my name wasn't on the article. Que sera sera, I suppose.

Hope you enjoy the article. I plan to do another similar to this based on the cereal people eat.

Been through countless failed first dates and one night stands looking to find the right woman? Tired of your friends and family telling you what kind of girl you should be dating? Don’t sweat it. You can figure out which girl best suits you without spending hours stalking around on MySpace.Forget astrology. Forget eHarmony's compatibility profiling. The most telling sign of what type of woman does it for you is which comic book characters and anime heroines gave you that strange tingling feeling in your danger zone when you were a kid. She did it for you then, and someone just like her probably still does it for you now.

Rogue (X-Men): She's hot. She's sweet. She's dedicated to you and only you. And she can literally suck you dry of all your life energy. If Rogue's your type of girl then you need someone who is into commitment. And settling down. And being your everyone and everything. Twenty-four-freakin-hours-a-day. Look for a woman with few friends. And an obsessive personality. Someone with a lot of cats or an extensive ceramic unicorn collection, let's say. Take the long list of things she needs you to do over the weekend. Then hand over your wallet. Say goodbye to your friends. Turn over your balls. Because as soon as she knows you're willing to fall into a coma just for a single kiss, you're done.

Sailor Moon: Rarely seen without her fellow Sailor Scouts, she's part of a small, extremely tight-knit circle of friends. A bit flighty at certain times, and very self-centered the rest of the time, Sailor Moon demands a lot out of a man and expects to be swept off her feet. If Sailor Moon did it for you, you’re all about bravado and over-dramatic affection. You want a girl who'll bombard you with 15 emails the day you're introduced, tell you she loves you in the second or third email, and suggest her friends "come with" on your first date.

She-Hulk: The ultimate independent woman, She-Hulk can be a bit tomboyish at times, but man is she hot. (Looking past the whole green thing.) If the rock hard She-Hulk made certain parts of you rock hard, you're searching for a strong willed woman. A woman who takes control. Whether you want her to or not. You want a woman with fire and passion. Which can sometimes come bundled with a nasty temper. So don't push her. She might just push back. And send you hurdling through a brick wall.

Betty: Ah, Betty, the girl next door who likes to play sports and wear blue headbands. She never lets anyone get in the way of her fun. The perfect loyal girlfriend, she can tend to get a little catty when another woman moves in on her territory. (Especially black-haired hussies.) A Betty fan from way back? Find yourself a free-spirit who isn't afraid to hang out with the guys. Or fight for what's hers.

Marge Simpson (The Simpsons): They don’t get much more dedicated than Mrs. Simpson. Willing to put up with just about anything, Marge will wash your nasty underwear, cook your pork chops, and pop open a cold one for ya, as long as you can bring home the bacon and tell her every so often, in your own uncomfortable way, you love her. If gazing upon Marge's big blue beehive gets your loins a buzzin, then you need to find yourself a modern-day throwback to the women of yesteryear. A woman who waits on her man hand and foot. A woman who will pop out a bunch of kids and sacrifice her own dreams and desires to be a stay at home mom. A woman who stands behind her man no matter what kind of drunken, barely employable half-wit he might be. In other words, a woman who only exists in cartoons.

Betty Boop: Ultra flirty, ultra sexy, and ultra seductive, Ms. Boop was the kind of girl you wouldn’t dare bring home to mom, but would brag about to your dad while you’re out fishing. If you thought Betty was the bee's knees, you're looking for a gal who will give you the ride of your life. And give your brother the ride of his life. Same for your boss. And all your coworkers. You might find her in an online dating site. She's the one with two or three hundred "reviews". And the video tapes to prove it.

Olive Oyl (Popeye): Olive is the ultimate drama queen who likes to be the center of attention. And have guys fight over her. Constantly. If you ever sat in front of the TV looking to scrap with Popeye and Bluto for the right to claim Ms. Oyl, you're looking for a lady with a lot of baggage. Look for a single mom, with a bad-tempered ex looking to get back in the picture. I suggest hanging out at tractor pulls or the Jerry Springer Show. Contacting Britney Spears might be an option.

Bugs Bunny in Drag: This requires far more space than I have here.