Three Reasons Why I Hope the Green Lantern Movie Flops

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Green Lantern is lame as all hell. So if you're expecting a non-biased article on GL, you're not going to find it here. I can't stand the character and his various incarnations. That said, I'm still going to see the movie. I see fracking everything, so why wouldn't I see this? Even so, I want it to flop. I want it to flop hardcore! I'm talking about Pluto Nash flopping here people. Why? Well, I'll tell you why. In three reasons or less below.

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3. The Price

So, the price of the flick is finally out, and...wow. It's huge. Three hundred million (!) dollars huge. Yowza! I just bit my knuckles. But I can definitely see why. Even the trailer alone looks expensive. It's one giant CG orgasm right in your face (EWE!) after another. But why? This isn't Batman we're talking about here. This is Green Lantern, who certainly has his fans, sure, but he isn't worth the price tag. Most people who've seen the trailer say that it looks awful and I actually disagree. But shame on the studio for allowing it to cost so much. Why couldn't Reynold's just wear a real costume instead of some CG crap? Why does it have to look so fake? Why is it just one big cartoon? All of these questions could be asked, but my question is this: Why did they spend so damn MUCH on the thing? I hate how much it costs. These are like Titanic totals. Blrg! I hope it only makes ten bucks for the studios arrogance to think this would actually do well. It would serve them right.

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2. Other DC Characters deserve a movie more than GL

Have you ever even read Green Lantern before? It blows, man! DC in general sucks compared to Marvel, but Green Lantern is especially lame. I can see how it might look interesting on the big screen, but why make a movie about him when a Sandman flick has never gotten off the ground? Or a Lobo movie, even. Hell, what about Sgt. Rock? The fact is, there are plenty of other characters in the DC Universe that aren't in the Justice League. And I feel those movies might never get made because of the Green Lantern's of the DC World. Hopefully, if the movie flops, studios will decide to dig even deeper into the DC archives. Easy Co. deserves it, dammit.

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1. If it fails, Ryan Reynolds can do Deadpool!

Okay, now here's the REAL reason that I hope Green Lantern fails. If it succeeds, they might make more of them, and that will mean that Ryan Reynolds will NEVER get to making a Deadpool movie. And I think he'd be PERFECT as Wade Wilson, that awful cameo in Wolverine Origins, notwithstanding. Some of the people who actually got their hands on the very R-Rated Deadpool script said it was divine, and I believe them. The thing about Deadpool is that I can't see anybody else besides Ryan Reynolds playing him, sort of like how I can't see anybody else besides Robert Downey Jr. playing Tony Starks. He just fits that role like a condom. Remember, before Reynolds became the buff action hero, he was making comedies like Van Wilder. And Deadpool is the best of both worlds, with great comedy and violence combined. If Green Lantern flops, then maybe Deadpool can finally get off the ground. And isn't that reason enough to hope the potential DC debacle flops? I think so, and you should think so, too. My opinion is valid and accepted in all 50 states and commonwealths, after all.

Review: Buried

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Ryan Reynolds took a risky move starring in a film where he’s the only character and he’s trapped in a coffin for 95 minutes. Colin Farrell has proven that it’s not always the best idea to be stuck in one location for a long time in the ho-hum thriller Phone Booth. But this movie works surprisingly well, proving that Mr. Reynolds has some acting chops in him after all. Now, if only he’d just stop making all those lazy action films and do some more grounded (pun not intended) work like this, then we’d all be better for it. This man is a legitimate actor!

The Movie: Four and a half stars

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Have you ever seen the movie The Deer Hunter? While mentioning that Best Picture winner about Vietnam in reference to director Rodrigo Cortes’ film about being buried alive may seem a strange way to start a discussion, there’s one similarity that I’d like to bring up -- their endings. Now, I’m not saying that their endings are similar or anything like that, because they couldn’t be further apart. But with both films, I can honestly say that I was willing to brush them off as boring and overrated until I saw those final moments. They made both experiences entirely worth the watch. Seriously, this film has one of the most gripping and harrowing endings I can remember in recent memory (though the song that plays during the end credits may be a little off-kilter).

The thing is, though, to get to that stunning ending, it’s going to take a lot of patience. The story in Buried, believe it or not, takes place entirely within the coffin. There’s no back story (or at least none that’s told outside of the coffin), no other onscreen characters besides Reynolds, and no real space to catch a breather from the claustrophobic setting. Which I guess was the intention, right?

Ryan Reynolds plays Paul Conroy, a truck driver who’s working in Iraq and winds up getting captured and buried alive. We don’t really know why he’s been buried at the onset, but the movie unveils itself through a series of phone calls from the coffin. Similar to Tom Hanks in Cast Away, Reynolds' only companions aren’t human at all, but rather a cell phone, some glowsticks, a flash light, a knife, a lighter, and a flask. Oh, and a snake, but that’s much later in the film when it really starts to get moving. That said, these items really start to become a part of the overall storyline just as much as Reynolds himself. We sit there and start thinking, “Hey, don’t use the lighter for too long, it’s taking up your air. But no, no, no, don’t use your cell phone for light, you only have a limited battery supply!” Seriously, this is probably the first movie I’ve ever seen where I actually cared about the battery life of a cell phone. It’s unbelievable and incredibly modern. With most films that I watch that are really modern like this, I often wonder how they would be done if they were made 20 or 30 years ago. Buried would have been impossible to make, as the cell phone is practically a supporting actor. It’s amazing.

The film is also incredibly minimalistic, but this approach might not be for everyone. My girlfriend, for instance, kept looking at her phone, and I did, too. I couldn’t help it. There are stretches where all we get is darkness and Reynolds’ harried breathing. And you want to know what’s really strange about this? I actually think that this film, as minimalistic as it is, would be better seen on the big screen. Sure, it looks pretty good on Blu-Ray, but there’s a big difference between hearing a man dying, and hearing a man dying, listening to him give up hope in just the way he sucks in air. And that’s where this movie really shines, especially on its second viewing. Watching it for the first time, you’re constantly wondering, will he live, or won’t he? But by the time you find out that answer, it only enhances the experience of watching it again. It’s like the anti-Shyamalan picture...post-Unbreakable, of course.

If there’s one complaint that I have with this film, it’s that I feel it could have been shortened by 10 or 15 minutes. But that’s saying a lot for a movie that only has one setting and character. At least give the movie a watch if you’re skeptical about it. Come for the ending, but stay for the incredible acting and storyline. It’s unlike anything else you’ve ever seen before, and that’s a good thing.

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The Disc: Three Stars

I don’t know what I was really expecting with a movie like this, but the special features are rather brief. Included on this disc are two trailers -- one a teaser, which is really well done, and the other the actual theatrical trailer, which is basically just a series of critics lavishing praise upon it. The one other interesting feature on this disc is the short doc, “Unearthing Buried: The Making of Buried.” It talks about how they filmed this modern masterpiece in only 17 days. Seventeen days sounds like a short period of time, and it is, but just think about Million Dollar Baby. Clint Eastwood filmed that in only 37 days. But let’s not compare apples and oranges here. The short doc showcases the multiple coffins that were used for different purposes, so that’s interesting. Other than that, there’s not much else to see.

Overall, the special features on this disc are okay, but there aren’t any deleted scenes or commentary like I would have wanted. It’s not worth the price of admission, but the movie more than makes up for it.


Buried [Blu-Ray] Details
Length: 95 min
Rated: R
Distributor: Lionsgate Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2011-01-18
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Samantha Mathis
Directed by Rodrigo Cortes
Produced by Adrian Guerra, Peter Safran
Written by Chris Sparling
Visit the movie's Official Site!