Usually, when my wife is away at work, I go through spells of looking at the clock to see when to put my daughter to bed for a nap so I can get some reading or writing in. But after seeing Fiddler on the Roof yesterday, I've come to realize, wow, why am I trying to rush this? Sunrise, sunset and all that jazz, right? Am I really trying to make time speed up when time is already so short? Haven't I already learned that life already goes way too fast? To what end am I trying to achieve anything? Am I just screwing myself over?
So I've decided to put writing on the backburner, but still blog when I can. It's gotten to the point that waking up at 4:30 AM to write doesn't work when it manages to wake up my daughter in the process. So I'm taking a more fluid approach to writing, which makes me feel like I've grown as a writer, in a sense. If the endgame isn't just, I have to meet a schedule. I have to meet a schedule, then that will open up my schedule more if I can write when I can. But what do you think? I'd like to hear from fellow writer/parents. Everyone always tells me, there will be a time you will miss them being young, and I'm sure they're right, but I also miss being on a set schedule and being a writer. What do you think?
I can relate. I remember when my son was small enough to hold in one arm, I could sometimes hold him against my left shoulder and write in a little notebook with my right hand. When he was a year old, I would put him in the stroller and walk around and around town until he fell asleep, then hurry the stroller to the library so I could sit and write until he woke up. But the whole activity of parenting tended to put me into an alert, on-duty, externally focused state of mind that is the antithesis of what it takes for me to generate story ideas. It can be a challenge to stay connected to your visionary side when you're busy being the Guardian of the Young. But those moments of early childhood are unique and precious, and I think you're right to savor them.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Pauline. Yeah, I think about it every day when she wakes up and gives me a hug. There will be a time in her life where she will want me as far from her life as possible, so I need to cherish these moments. Thanks for reading!
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