People Really Seem To Like The Da Vinci Code...Especially When It's Read To Them Over The Phone

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Outside of Mike Tyson's Punch-out!!, crank calling people is my second favorite pastime in the whole wide world. It's almost as if I never even HEARD of The Jerky Boys or Crank Yankers before, I do it so much these days. Well, anywho, after many humorous times of either calling up people and making Arnold Schwarzenegger noises (Hello? Yeeeeaaayyyoooouuu! Who is this? This...is...Yeeeaayyyyooouuuu!) , or asking a long-lost friend with an accent who used to come into my friendfesezs store and ask for new issues of The Incredible Helk (Hello? Hello, sir, do you have new issues of HEEELLLLK? Who ees this? This is Harold, is it not? I Haroaaald, but I do not know what you are talking about), I think I met my crowning achievement about a month ago when I picked up a copy of The Da Vinci Code.

Well, you see, my friend, AJ and I, decided that since a lot of people would probably pick up the book again just to read it before its prequel, Angels and Demons, came out in theaters, that we would like to read chapters of The Da Vinci Code (Since neither of us owned A&D) to people over the phone just to see how long they would listen to the riveting account of the protagonist's, Robert Langdon's travels and tribulations. We didn't really know what to expect from people--especially since we did a dry run and didn't call people we knew but instead, just flipped through the phone book and started dialing folks--but we got a few humorous responses (One guy even sat still and listened for FOUR-WHOLE-CHAPTERS. We had to hang up on HIM!) Here are some of the responses we got below.

Oh, and PS, to save Dan Brown from emailing me about unlawfully taking excerpts from his book, I'm just going to leave the funnier responses below instead of the actual text from the book that we read from. Enjoy!

1. Robert Langdon, why do I know that name?

2. Who is this? Is this Phil? Yo, knock it off, man. Phil? Yo, Phil? Stop talking for a second, man. Phil. YO, PHIL! Yo, fuck this shit, man. You're being a real asshole today, you know that? (Click)

3. (After a brief and startled pause) Go on.

4. Hello? This is from The Da Vinci Code, right? I don't need to buy a copy. This is the service to buy the book, right?

5. What kind of person calls people in the middle of the night and reads The Da Vinci Code to them over the phone? (Click)

6. What is this, some kind of joke? Is this a machine? (Speaking off to the side to somebody) Rachael, come here for a second and listen to this. (Rachael supposedly gets on the phone)
Rachael: Hello? (Turns to her husband) It doesn't sound like a machine. This is really creepy, honey, can we just hang up? It just keeps on going. (Turns back to me) Whoever this is, please don't ever call me or my family ever again (Click).