Five Stories That Have Cooler Titles as Books Than As Movies

Books are cool. Movies are cool. But movies based off of books are usually a hit or miss affair. And even though a great portion of the movie industry is built off of stories taken from books, very few of them do a great job of portraying the books that they're based off of.

But this article isn't about that. This article is about the TITLE of the book, which is ALWAYS better than the movie's that spawn from them. Here's a list of five movies that sounded better with their original titles. See how many you've read.

(Images taken from: philipkdick.com)

1. The book: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

Wow. That's actually a really deep question, Mr. Philip K. Dick. I haven't even read the novel yet and you already have me thinking. That's how I originally felt when I first heard the title of the book, and I fell in love with it from that moment on. The story is just as deep as the title and it's a beautifully dark story. Much more beautiful than the movie.

(Image taken from: bladerunner.wikia.com)

The movie: Blade Runner

To be honest with you, Blade Runner isn't a bad name for a movie. It's actually cool. But it just doesn't have the thought provoking qualities of its book's namesake. Also, when I start to think into it more, I begin to think it has something to do with running with scissors, and then it loses its cool factor, altogether. It makes me think of kindergarten, like, don't run with scissors, young man. And how is THAT cool? It isn't. Stick to the original title next time, dumbasses.

(Image taken from: movies.maxupdates.tv)

2. The book: The Eagle of the Ninth

I never read the book, but it actually sounds like it MEANS something. I want to read a book with that title. The Ninth what? Ninth infantry? Ninth battalion? What? I know what an eagle is, but that ninth part is intriguing. It makes me what to find out why it's called that and that's what makes it a great title. The mystery that's involved. It's perfect.

(Image taken from: flicksandbits.com)

The movie: The Eagle

Huh? The Eagle? With Channing Tatum? You mean the guy from Step Up? And he's the eagle? No. He's a soldier? Wait, then what's the eagle then? What do you mean the Eagle is just symbolic? So it's not about the bird? The bird doesn't even have anything do with it? Then why is it called The Eagle then?! What a dumb title. Screw this flick. Screw this flick to hell.

(Image taken from: fdungan.com)

3. The book: Heart of Darkness

Joseph Conrad's novella actually has a double-meaning. There's the literal one, of a heart actually being filled with the darkness of evil. And the more subtle, harsher one of calling the people of Africa the heart of darkness, their skin color being the center. Great novella, great title.

(Image taken from: free-extras.com)

The movie: Apocalypse Now

Don't get me wrong. Apocalypse Now is my favorite movie of all time. But the title is just silly. It's implying that every time you watch it, it's the apocalypse. It's like Harold Camping predicting the weather. There will be a slight overcast followed by the four horsemen in your evening commute. Silly title, great movie.

(Image taken from: collider.com)

4. The book: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Charlie is the protagonist, so it makes sense that it's called that. Charlie is the star and he's GOING to the Chocolate Factory. Makes sense, donut?

(Image taken from: tower.com)

The movie: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I know Willy Wonka is a funny name, but the studios had no right to take Charlie out of the title and replace it with the wacky one with the purple hat. It's like implying that the movie is all about Willy Wonka, and it's not. The title's deceiving.

(Image taken from: fantasticfiction.co.uk)

5. The book: The Lawnmower Man

I'll read anything by Stephen King. Anything. Even if it's called Old Man Poops His Trousers. I don't care. Stephen King can write and it doesn't matter what he titles his stories. They're going to be awesome, no question. Even something called, The Lawnmower Man

(Image taken from: vialogue.wordpress.com)

The movie: The Lawnmower Man

Same title, but, man, does that sound dumb as a movie. The Lawnmower Man? You're joking, right? No? Well, jokes on me then, I guess.

What makes matters worse is when the trailer makes the movie look like a cross between Flowers For Algernon and a pornographic version of the show Reboot. What a bloody mess. I can't believe this was made.

Review: Biutiful

(Image taken from cinemablend.com)

Inarritu’s 21 Grams and Babel were way too long. His latest film, Biutiful, is also too long, but at least it only follows one character so it’s easier to digest. I wouldn’t say that it’s as good as Babel, it’s just a little easier to follow. There’s still way too much going on, though, and it’s also way too depressing for its own good. Can Inarritu make anything other than melodramatic, existential think-pieces? After watching his last three pictures, I’m starting to think he can’t.

The Movie: Three and a half stars out of five

I’m not really sure if the title of this movie is meant to be ironic or not, as I didn’t see anything all that beautiful about it. Instead, I saw a lot of moping around and death. Is the single moment in the film where the family smiles at the dinner table while eating melted ice cream supposed to be beautiful? Or how about the time Javier Bardem hugs his mullet-topped son and kisses him on the forehead? I don’t know, maybe I’m just not built for these art house films. The one thing I do know, though, is that the acting throughout is impeccable. From Javier Bardem’s Oscar-nominated turn as a dying dad trying to make things right, to his bipolar wife, played by the strangely beautiful Maricel Alvarez, everybody in this film does a great job of portraying their characters. If only the movie could be as good as the actors then I think we’d have a modern-day masterpiece on our hands.

The story follows Uxbal (Bardem), a father of two who’s been diagnosed with cancer. He also works in the underbelly of the city, co-running a group of Africans and Asians in counterfeit street-sale rings. He also has a bipolar ex-wife who he’s still in love with and trying to help. Oh, and he can also talk to the dead. So yeah, there are way too many plots going on here. What makes matters worse is that each story on its own could make for a beautiful and moving picture, but Inarritu, in what seems to be his MO these days, overstuffs the story. It’s like watching all the cast members of Babel fit into Javier Bardem’s shoes. Surprisingly, he can actually pull it off, but the film doesn’t seem worthy of his talents. It doesn’t seem worthy of any of the actors' talents, for that matter, because as a cohesive and dramatic story, it falls on its face.

That’s not to say that it’s bad. In fact, I’d say that for a good portion of the first half, I loved it. I could truly feel the remorse in Uxbal’s eyes when he received the news from the doctor that he was going to die. And I grieved right along with him when thinking about everything that he still had to accomplish before he died, like providing a better life for his children than the one that his father left him. That part of the movie, I get. But the rest of it is just too damn much. It becomes a slog after awhile, and it’s too artsy for its own worth. For example, when I first started reading about the movie last year, I was interested to hear that there was a sort of Ghost Whisperer aspect to it where Uxbal could communicate with the dead. But when placed in the actual film itself, it just doesn’t fit. Or maybe it fits too well. I don’t know. The film is certainly a slow meditation, but with so much going on, it’s just hard to watch it with one specific narrative thread in mind. Again, I really want to know what the hell is supposed to be so beautiful in this movie, and why the picture is called that. Did I miss something here? I don’t think so, but with a story that doesn’t successfully bring itself together, it’s a little hard to say. Broken up for its parts, it’s an excellent film, but as a whole, it’s a long and drawn-out mess. Maybe you’ll like it, or maybe you’ll feel the same way I did, but one thing’s for certain. If you like watching great acting, then it’s going to be hard to find a better film than this. Few actors can play broken, dragging-their-feet men like Javier Bardem. So watch it for the acting. Just don’t expect the story to be as good.



The Disc: Three stars out of five

Biutiful is already too long, so thankfully, there’s no commentary on this disc. If you’re a fan of the film, though, you might miss that. So I’m telling you now, if you’re hoping for commentary, there isn’t any. Instead, we get “Behind Biutiful: Director’s Flip Notes.” Much like the film itself, it’s all too self-absorbed, and I’m pretty sure I like Inarritu even less now. He speaks in a poetic, the-world-is-filled-with-wonders and everything-is-important kind of way, and it’s annoying. No wonder his films are so maudlin.

“Beautiful Crew” is actually the only upbeat piece on the disc. It features pictures of everybody from the production team to the film’s caterers while catchy Spanish music plays in the background. I actually watched it twice it was spliced together so well. I seriously think it’s the best thing on the entire disc. It actually made me smile. I wish some of that positive energy could show up in the actual movie. There’s also the theatrical trailer on the disc and “Interviews with Cast and Crew.” This last feature again includes a few of the dour faces in the movie just talking about their roles, and it really makes you want to slit your wrists. Overall, the special features aren’t going to sway you to appreciate the film more. But if you already appreciate it, I guess they’re okay. They’re nothing worth buying the movie over, though.

Biutiful Details
Length: 147 min
Rated: R
Distributor: Roadside Attractions
Release Date: 2011-05-31
Starring: Javier Bardem, Maricel Alvarez, Hanaa Bouchaib, Guillermo Estrella
Directed by: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
Produced by: Inarritu, Alfonso Cuaron, Guillermo Del Toro, Fernando Bovaira, Sandra Hermida, Jon Kilik, Ann Ruark
Written by: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Armando Bo, Nicholas Giacobone
Visit the Biutiful Official Website

Why I Will Never Watch ABDC Ever Again

(Image taken from: y19elyn.blogspot.com)

Harold Camping was wrong. The Apocalypse wasn't supposed to be for May 21st. It's supposed to be on June 5th, when the Iconic Boyz (Boys with a Z) will inevitably be crowned America's Best Dance Crew. This is besides the facts that they can't dance and the fat one ("T Money") looks like he's going to have a heart attack at any minute right on the stage.

What bugs me the most about these Jersey Shore, the middle school years, kids is that a lot of other great crews had to go because of them. And it's probably because, duh, they have PTA parents who can get entire schools (Entire schools!) to vote for them. That, and because LL (Ladies love) T Money.

As an example of a crew that was unjustly robbed, here's Phunk Phenomenon, one of the greatest crews ABDC has ever seen (Watch at the 1:20 mark).



Did you see Bebo (the short, breakdancing one)? That was insaaaaane. That was siiiiiiccck. (Why am I talking like thiiiiiiiis?)

And now, check out the Iconic Boyz. (Watch at the 2:18 mark...if you want).



Cute, right? Something that might be really clever and sweet at a middle school dance, right? But are they really America's best dance crew? Really? No. They're more like, America's best mob related parents holding people by their ankles and demanding that they vote for their kid, dance crew.

To show contrast, watch I.aM.mE's Justin Beiber performance. They're the crew that the Iconic Boyz are up against in the finale and are ultimately going to lose to the four horsemen of the Guido Apocalypse.



I mean, seriously. Is there any question that the Iconic Boyz should have been kicked off weeks ago? They're this season's GOP Dance.

(Image taken from: mtv.com)

Well, alright, they're not THAT bad, but still. If (When) Iconic Boyz take home the title of America's Best Dance Crew, that's when I'm signing off from the show forever. Randy Jackson can eat it.

The 50 Most Annoying Characters in Video Games

(Image courtesy of the artists at Complex-mag.com)

I worked on this piece with a few other people. See if you can tell my writing from the rest.

http://www.complex.com/video-games/2011/05/50-most-annoying-characters-in-video-games

Review: The Manchurian Candidate [Blu-Ray]

(Image taken from cinemablend.com)

The original Manchurian Candidate, in hindsight, is actually a semi-prescient movie, what with the assassination of John F. Kennedy a year after its release. So, as an historical milestone, it’s definitely up there with films that you need to see if you’re into such things. But it’s also a masterful picture that deserves to be seen by anybody who loves cinema in general. That said, skip the decent 2004 remake with Denzel Washington and stick with this one, as it definitely holds up even today. Oh, and Frank Sinatra really can act. But he can’t do karate.

The Movie: Four and a half stars out of five

Brainwashing, McCarthyism, assassination, mommy drama, a love story…jeez, there are so many threads going on in The Manchurian Candidate you would think it would get lost in its own ambitious storytelling. Thankfully, this classic film from the 1960s, based on the book by Richard Condon, remains enthralling and intelligible throughout, making it one of the best, and most revelatory, films of that decade. It contains great acting, good pacing, and a masterful script that stays focused throughout and very rarely lets you down.

To describe the plot of The Manchurian Candidate would require several tangents, as there’s an interesting story for each of its characters throughout, so I’ll just give you the gist of it all. During the Korean War, a bunch of GIs are captured and forced to undergo brainwashing treatments by the Communist party. Staff Sergeant Raymond Shaw (Lawrence Harvey) is the key member of this brainwashing procedure and is turned into an assassin who mentally goes AWOL whenever he sees the Queen of Diamonds. This is all because he was programmed to kill and forget after he sees this card. The story then introduces a web of deceit involving the man’s mother (played beautifully by Angela Lansbury), who seems to play a bigger role in all of this than you would suspect. Now, that’s a very, very poor retelling of the story, because it doesn’t even introduce the headliner of this film, Frank Sinatra, who plays the man who uncovers all the lies. But what I just told you was definitely the most interesting element of the film. Though The Manchurian Candidate is great throughout, there are definitely parts that are more fascinating than others, and the aspect of the brainwashing is the most interesting in the entire film. The uncovering of said brainwashing, though, is just not as good.

The brainwashing plotline opens up so many different avenues that it’s impressive that it all comes together so seamlessly. One thing I absolutely love about The Manchurian Candidate is that it’s a satire that takes itself seriously, but it doesn’t come off as forced or corny. This is mainly because of the McCarthy character, John Iselin (James Gregory), who has all of the bombast of Joe McCarthy himself. This part of the movie, the rising to power of a man set to destroy America, only works because similar events happened in American history. People were blacklisted all the time back then and were proclaimed to be Communists when they really weren’t. It’s a subplot that weaves in brilliantly with the main story, making it disturbingly humorous when situated inside the rest of the pitch-black plot.

Janet Leigh's character does drag The Manchurian Candidate down somewhat, as the love story is a bit slow. If there’s any part of the film that I’d chop out completely, it’s this one, as it doesn’t seem entirely necessary. Also, there’s a pivotal scene in the movie where Frank Sinatra does karate. It’s been said that it’s the first fight scene ever in American cinema to feature martial arts, and it shows, because it is as stiff and comical as a Captain Kirk battle on some alien planet. But besides those two nitpicks, The Manchurian Candidate is a phenomenal picture and I highly recommend it. It’s one of the movies that I’m happy to revisit every couple of years or so.

The Disc: Three stars out of five



It’s funny, with all the conversion of movies to Blu-ray these days, it almost doesn’t make sense for some of these older films to be converted. The two main purposes of Blu-ray, by my understanding, are to put more space on the disc and to improve the visual quality of the film. Older movies such as The Manchurian Candidate definitely don’t provide enough of the latter to make it worth the purchase if you already own it on DVD, or for that matter, VHS. I mean, it looks alright on Blu-ray, but it’s definitely not the kind of film that I would recommend you rush to get for the picture quality that you’re going to see on your high-def TV. It’s not Avatar, after all. Just a thought.

As for the special features, well, they’re really not all that special. There’s a commentary by director John Frankenheimer, but half the time he’s silent and admiring his own film. There are interesting tidbits, though, such as the fact that some of the scenes involving James Gregory’s McCarthy character included ad-libbed speeches. Other than that, it’s mostly just the director talking about camera shots and how much Sinatra wanted to be in the movie. Plus, I’m pretty sure it’s the same commentary already used on the DVD edition of the film since Frankenheimer is now dead. Pass, it’s nothing special.

The “Exclusive interview with Frank Sinatra, George Axelrod, and John Frankenheimer” is also from the DVD edition, so it’s nothing new. Nor is it too interesting. Frank Sinatra was very good in this film, but I don’t think he deserves the praise that the writer and the director bestow upon him in this featurette. The “Queen of Diamonds Featurette” has Angela Lansbury, who doesn’t look a day over 65, talking about her role as the mother in this film. It’s probably the most interesting special feature on here, and it’s fascinating to learn just why she took the now iconic role. “A Little Solitaire Featurette” is another feature that’s not all that special, but it does talk about the relevance of the film as a historical document of what was to come with Kennedy’s assassination. “How to Get Shot” is a few minutes of Lansbury talking about exactly that -- how to act like you’re getting shot. The “Phone Call” feature is -- I’m not even joking -- a phone ringing during an interview and George Axelrod making a joke about it. Little wonder that it isn’t even mentioned on the back of the box. The original trailer is also on here, and it’s pretty ridiculous in that you-gotta-love it, '60s style of trailers. “If you miss the first five minutes…”

Overall, the special features are okay, but nothing worth splurging over for the Blu-ray edition if you already have The Machurian Candidate on DVD.

The Manchurian Candidate [Blu-ray] Details
Length: 126 min
Rated: PG-13
Distributor: MGM Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2011-04-14
Starring: Frank Sinatra, Laurence Harvey, Janet Leigh, Angela Lansbury, James Gregory, Leslie Parrish
Directed by: John Frankenheimer
Produced by: George Axelrod
Written by: George Axelrod

Ten MORE Movies That I've Seen That You Likely Haven't (But Shouldn't!)

So, like I said before in a previous blog post, I've seen a lot of movies in my short lifetime. A lot of them, you've seen, too, and some of them, you've loved (the first Pirates of the Caribbean) while others, you've hated (the second Pirates of the Caribbean). A lot of the movies that you loved, I was probably on the fence on because apparently, I have awful taste in films. But the films that I put below I can honestly tell you are beyond awful and you would hate them, too. That is, if you had seen them, of course. Now, some of these movies might be hard to find but none of them are outright obscure, so if you're a cinephile like myself, then you might have actually watched some of these. But most likely, you haven't. So these are ten more movies that I've seen that you likely haven't, but shouldn't. Take that as a fair warning. These movies are truly awful.

(Image taken from: cannabissativa)

10. Reefer Madness

Sure, you've heard a lot about this film, like how it's sooooo funny and such an extremely gross representation of what marijuana really isn't. But let me set the record straight. Reefer Madness sucks. It's funny for about four minutes and then, it's one boring slog that you're going to wish that you had been drunk for rather than high when watching it. It's criminal that the film has become so popular over the years, and everything great about the film can be seen in this short 1 minute and 39 second trailer. There, I just saved you a good hour of your life.

(Image taken from: amazon.com)

9. Dog Soldiers

When I saw the box cover for this movie at Blockbuster a few years ago, I seriously told my friends that we had to watch it. And this is yet another reason why my friends think that I have terrible taste in films. Now, I don't think that's fair, because I hated this movie, too, since it takes about a full hour to actually get to the werewolves, and when you do, they look like shit. But I can see why they'd think that my picks suck after this, because this sucks. A lot. Still, I usually do pick up movies that are compared to other movies that I like. Doesn't everybody?

(Image taken from: ugo.com)

8. Battle Royale

Now, don't get me wrong. Battle Royale isn't a bad film at all. But I implore you, please don't watch the movie and read the book instead. Most times, if not all, the book is always better than the film that it inspires. But in this regard, it's not even worth discussing, as the book is just world's better the movie. It's not even close to compare the two. Both are a perverse and a provocative take on Lord of the Flies, but the movie doesn't even come close to capturing the electricity of the novel. If you just don't read at all, then watch the movie. It's pretty good. But if you do read, then skip the movie entirely and read the book. Your bottom lip will drop at how good it is.

(Image taken from: amazon.com)

7. Straw Dogs

There's a remake of this Sam Peckinpah film coming soon, so it might actually incline you to watch the original. But don't, as Straw Dogs is soooo boring. There's a pretty explicit rape scene in it, which must have been huge at the time but looks pretty tame today, and Dustin Hoffman traps some dude in a bear trap. But other than that, this film drags like no other. If you must watch it, just skip to the end. All the build-up of Dustin Hoffman's character going off the deep end isn't worth watching. For a similar, but better film that's sort of like this, watch, Falling Down instead with Michael Douglas. Now, that's a modern classic that we can both agree on.

(Image taken from: en.wikipedia.org)

6. Queen of the Damned

Okay, so maybe you've seen this piece of garbage starring Aaliyah. Even if you have, I think it's worth nothing again just how awful it is. A semi-follow-up to the BRILLIANT Interview With a Vampire, this hunk a junk just seemed to have gotten everything wrong. The story has something to do with a musician, and I know the lead singer of KoRn makes an appearance in it somewhere. But other than that, it's beyond terrible. I don't remember anything else about the entire picture and I'm glad for it. Anne Rice's career had a similar fall, I believe, which is good because females just shouldn't handle vampires. They always make them look too damn sexy.

(Image taken from: amazon.com)

5. Manos: The Hands of Fate

I love so bad, they're good movies and think Troll 2 should have won best picture. That said, Manos: The Hands of Fate, which literally translates to Hands: The Hands of Fate if you know anything about espanol is so bad that it's just bad. It's not even funny how awful it is. The Mystery Theater guys had fun riffing on it, but if you watch it without their jokes, it's just plain unwatchable. Don't see this film. No matter what you may hear about it.

(Image taken from: users.globalnet.co.uk)

4. Zardoz

I've said it before, and I'll say it again--Zardoz has one of the best stories with the worst executions I've ever seen. It truly deserves to be remade. It has a floating head that praises the gun and loathe the penis, and then, some other out there shit with Sean Connery running from telepaths who fear growing old. It doesn't make any sense. The ending is absolutely beautiful, though and feels like it belongs in an entirely other film. Most...disappointing movie...ever.

(Image taken from: movieprop.com)

3. Dune

I LOVE David Lynch, but he has seriously made two of the worst movies I've ever seen with this flick and the next one. And the reason that this one is so bad is because it strays SO far away from the source material. I'm told there's a director's cut that is closer to the book, but I don't see how anything about that cut could make it better when the sets and characters seem so off in the original version. It should be noted that some people actually like this film, but for me, it's a total disaster. Thankfully, Lynch never attempted anything of this magnitude again, but the next movie, he had no excuse for.

(Image taken from: reflectionsonfilmandtelevision.blogspot.com)

2. Inland Empire

Inland Empire doesn't make any damn sense at all. Now, as a Lynchian film, that's fine as next to none of his films make any sense on the surface level. But this movie goes waaay beyond that to the sense that it becomes unwatchable. And it's also really boring. I had to continuously rewind certain moments because I kept falling asleep during it. It's not cohesive in the slightest and frustratingly obfuscating. And the ending is just plain bonkers, but unjustifiably so. Avoid this film like the plague. Lynchian fans who liked this be damned.

(Image taken from: thisdistractedglobe.com)

1. Rollerball

The 2002, Rollerball, remake is without question the worst film I've ever seen in my entire life. And I've seen a LOT of movies, so that's no small feat. While the original movie might be silly and dated, at least it's watchable. But this piece of garbage...this...abomination to life, isn't even that. I felt like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, watching this film, as I felt strapped down to the chair and forced to watch it because I paid for it and refused to leave until I got my money's worth. And oh, boy, if nightmares are what I inadvertently paid for, then I certainly got my money's worth with this piece of shit, as I can't think of a single other film in my mind that has absolutely NO redeeming qualities whatsoever. And I mean none. The philosopher/writer Sartre once wrote that "Hell is other people," in his play, No Exit. But I think he might have been a bit off. Hell is watching the Rollerball remake all alone. It's a far worse punishment and definitely the more depressing. Never watch this movie. Ever.

I Love Authors Who Reference Their Other Work in Their Other Books

(Image taken from: Passionforcinema.com)

So, I'm reading the Dark Tower saga (And I'm on the penultimate book, Song Of Susannah, in case you were wondering), and man, Stephen King just references the HELL out of his other books in this series. From The Stand to Salem's Lot to even referencing HIMSELF in these books, if you're a fan of his work, then it's an absolute pleasure to see some of his other characters make a appearance in this series. It's almost like a reward for reading his other titles, and I love that about the man. I love getting that reward. It makes it all the more awesome to read his work, and also, that much more unexpected. I keep wondering if Pennywise from It will make an appearance here. I mean, the turtle already has, so really, anything can happen with the Dark Tower. Anything.

(Image taken from: straighttothesource.blogspot.com)

As a reader, and, as a writer, I dig that. It's showcasing that for an author, the books aren't just separate galaxies, but rather, one enormous universe where all of their ideas circulate into one. It's a bold approach to crafting novels, and I adore it. Hopefully, after my first book gets published (And it will get published...it will), I'll do a similar thing. I just hope that it will all make sense.

In the end though, it's a great way to build a fan base from being just plain dedicated, to being utterly obsessed to read everything that that author has written. And I can tell you one thing, if Chuck Palahniuk had done it, I'd probably still be reading his books.

Then again though, not many authors do do it, and the only other two who I can actually think of off hand are Kurt Vonnegut, mainly with Kilgore Trout, and Sinclair Lewis, who delightfully placed Babbitt in his novel Elmer Gantry for a brief, cameo appearance. Can you think of any others? If you can, please put them in the comments box below. I'd love to hear a few.

(Image taken from: wgfriends.com)