Sunday, September 27, 2009

One Night In Bangkok—A Commentary and Review on The Timothy Hallinan Bangkok Series



It’s been said before, but I’ll say it again.

Timothy Hallinan is a writer’s writer.

What I mean by that is that writers, and I mean, serious writers, not just Tommy-come-lately’s who write whenever they feel like it, can appreciate his daring approach to scribing fiction as 1. He doesn’t use an outline when he crafts his stories, and 2. He’s absolutely dedicated to his craft, doing it for a living instead of just a mere hobby like most.

But when I say that Hallinan is a writer’s writer, please don’t mistake that for me saying that only somebody who actually writes would enjoy his work, as au contraire, mon frère, that’s just not the case. Timothy Hallinan, if anything, is a writer for those who love to be excited and emotionally attached to characters when they read fiction, and honestly, who doesn’t want to be that? I could laud, praise, and slap him on the back even more, but I’ll just let his writing do the talking, as seriously, you wouldn’t understand unless you actually picked up one of his books.

And what books they are! Before the Poke Rafferty, “Bangkok series,” that’s currently making the rounds, Hallinan was already well-known in inner circles for his L.A. private eye capers, the Simeon Grist series. Hallinan has personally said that Grist was great in that you could read any of his books in any order that you liked, but the Rafferty series is very different in that there’s a family involved in the mix, which is pretty much series Seppuku as you’re cornered with the characters now—unless, of course, you plan to kill the whole lot of them off, which Hallinan would never do…at least, not as casually as I just wrote in that last sentence, anyway.
We’re introduced to the world of said family, which along with Poke consists of Rose, Poke’s Thai, ex-hooker girlfriend, and Miaow, a street urchin with a horrible past, in A Nail Through the Heart, which is as auspicious a start to a series that you could possibly hope for.

Poke Rafferty, you see, much like Hallinan himself, is a writer who’s made a home for himself in Bangkok, which of course begs the question, how much of Poke’s life is Hallinan’s and how much of Hallinan’s is Poke’s?

When I interviewed Hallianan over the phone, he told me that he and Poke don’t really have that much in common other than the fact that they’re both writers, and that they both truly love Bangkok. But as a reader who indulges in a lot of fiction and also enjoys reading about an author’s life while they’re writing their book, I’m of course more than a little skeptical about these claims, and believe that there might be a few more commonalities between Timothy and Poke than Mr. Hallinan is willing to let on to.

I wouldn’t know why though as Poke is a perfectly admirable character, if not rough around a few corrugated edges.

Through a strange entanglement of events, Poke, travel writer extraordinaire, famous for his Looking for Trouble series, winds up getting caught in the middle of a murder mystery involving a pedophile in A Nail Through the Heart. He also gets mixed up in a side project dealing with a hideous old woman named Madame Wing with a terrifying past of her own. Oh, and did I mention that Poke is also in the process of adopting street child, Miaow, who may (I’m not going to spoil anything for you) have some kind of past with this pedophile that she may be trying to hide? And just for good measure, Hallinan has also devised the perfect additional problem for Poke to deal with in Boo, another street child who Miaow knows and wants to take in, even though he seems to have a bit of a drug problem. Seriously, there’s almost TOO much story in here to handle, but Hallinan keeps it all tightly under control in that there’s never a time that you’re scratching your head or cursing the writer for providing an interesting story but not enough skill to control it.

In the background of all this though is quite possibly the most important character of all, and I call it the most important because it affects pretty much everything that goes on in the story. And that character is the city of Bangkok itself, which is so vivid, that I think some of the pictures I’ve seen of it may not do it justice if Hallinan’s depiction of it is correct, which I believe it is being that he lives there a large portion of the year.

Hallinan made a risky move setting the plot when he did, which is only a couple of months following the horrible tsunami that struck there. But after learning more about Hallinan as a person, I came to realize that of COURSE he would set the story then. Hallinan, if you’ve never visited his website, The Blog Cabin (http://www.timothyhallinan.com/blog/), is a man who absolutely loves Bangkok. And why shy away from how the people really are and feel there right now after going through such terrible hardships? Anyone who reads this or any of the books in the Bangkok series, will instantly know that Hallinan doesn’t shy away from the worse parts of Thailand—the good with the bad, that’s Hallinan’s style. Crooked cops, even more crooked politicians, and hookers with hearts of gold, all make appearances in Hallinan’s addictive series, and A Nail Through the Heart is the start of all that, laying the groundwork for all of the characters in such a way that you KNOW you’ll see some of them making a big impact in the upcoming books, such as Arthit, who’s Poke Rafferty’s good friend and cop buddy.

What I find most impressive about A Nail Through the Heart, though, which is something that I now come to expect from Hallinan, is that as much as I enjoyed the book, I also learned something in the process. And that’s because, sprinkled through all of his books, at least in this series anyway, is an overarching message that doesn’t come across as preachy or anything like that at all. In A Nail Through the Heart, it’s the “AT Series,” which is a grotesque strain of child pornography that at one point plagued Thailand. In The Fourth Watcher, it’s counterfeiting in North Korea, and in Breathing Water, it’s the political change that may soon be coming upon Thailand in the upcoming months.

It’s these overarching messages that are the guiding force of each and every novel, but somehow, they don’t manage to make the story plodding, but instead, they make them seem prescient. At the same time, they’re entirely exciting, and at times, make you go, “Oh, no, how is Poke going to get out of THIS mess?”on many frequent occasions. Surprisingly, he doesn’t always get out of his problems at all, and some of these consequences are with him in the second book, The Fourth Watcher, which to me, is the weakest of the three books, but that’s still saying quite a bit, given how much I love the other two books that surround it.

Did Halliman hit a slump with the second book? No, not at all, but whenever a father or other family member with a shady past is thrown into the mix of a story, I typically tend to roll my eyes. Thankfully though, Hallinan didn’t go all 24 on us (24 being the popular FOX show where James Cromwell was revealed to be Jack Bauer’s father, Phillip, evil to the bone, he was) and create a fatherly figure we couldn’t emotionally feel for. The Fourth Watcher finds our hero, Poke Rafferty in even MORE dire straits, as his father, who, very similar to Poke, left everything behind (including his family) to journey to the East, is looking to get himself back into his son’s life. But this reunion isn’t just to kiss and make up, mind you, as Poke’s father knows that Poke is in grave danger over actions that he once did in the past to some very powerful people. If anything, there is even MORE action in this story than in A Nail Through the Heart as there’s something going on on nearly every single page, but the real scene stealers here belong to the family aspect of the story, both with Poke and his good friend, Arthit’s family, as his wife is suffering through a debilitating bout with multiple sclerosis.

One thing I love about Hallinan (among many things, actually) is how if one angle is a tad bit weak in story, he’ll compensate in another, with this book being the character angle. As an additional plus though, we also get to see an angle of North Korea we don’t normally see, which is the counterfeiting end of things. So much is learned in the process of this book that you almost feel like you’re getting a two for one deal here—a great story AND a lesson in modern history. Who could ask for anything more?

Nobody, I’m guessing (Besides the utterly selfish), but we manage to get it in the third book in, Breathing Water, which is arguably Hallinan’s masterpiece thus far. The beauty of Breathing Water is that it’s pretty much an utterly perfect balance of A Nail Through the Heart’s stellar storytelling, and The Fourth Watcher’s heart pounding action, all wrapped up in one tidy; albeit, thrilling book.

How great is this story? So great, that I read the entire book in a single Saturday, that’s how great it is. The book starts off exciting enough. Poke is gambling in a high stakes Poker game against crooks, cops, and a much beloved political gangster (or is that gangster politician?). Poke puts it all on the line—his allowance to stay in Bangkok as a citizen, which by book three means everything to him in that that’s where his family lives—all for the ability to write a book on the gangster, which nobody has up to this point because they were bullied out of it—and that’s putting it nicely!

Undeniably, this is Hallinan’s quickest book in the series to read through, and there’s also a great deal of commentary interwoven in it about the impending possibility that the political scale could soon be overbalanced and tipped over. Most enticing though is that this political change is leading to some personal pessimism by Mr. Hallinan himself that spills across the page like a tipped over inkwell, leading the reader to quite possibly get the most in depth and truest glimmer of Hallinan pouring his heart, soul, and thoughts into his writing ever.

All of Hallinan’s books in the Bangkok series are exceptionally written masterpieces that can’t stand on their own because of the overarching thread that holds them together. But they CAN however stand high (on stilts, even!) on their own merit for being distinctly different but still closely tied to the overall structure of the family life built up in A Nail Through the Heart. I can only imagine where Timothy Hallinan is looking to take the Rafferty clan next in his forthcoming book, which is said to be the one where Rose’s past REALLY plays a major part in the story, possibly fracturing their marriage, and creating a fissure that poor little Miaow might not be able to find a place to live inside.

If you have never read any of Hallinan’s books then you are doing yourself a great disservice. Timothy Hallian is a raconteur who deserves the kind of success that a Dashiell Hammett or a Raymond Chandler once had. And maybe someday, he’ll have it. But until that day, we have these great novels and another series just before it to tide us over. Why don’t you give it a read? Great fiction like this only comes once in great many years.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Interview with author, Timothy Hallinan



Here is a loooong piece. Couldn't even put the whole thing on this blog. Check it out here. It's my interview with Timothy Hallinan.

http://www.grubstreet.ca/articles/interviews/tm/tm.htm

Monday, September 7, 2009

Chester Chinese Restaurant and Sushi Bar Stands Out For Friendly Atmosphere and Diverse Menu



Formosa. It’s what Taiwan, which is located in East Asia, was first called when a Dutch traveler on a Portuguese ship found it. He shouted, “Iiha Formosa,” which means, “beautiful island.” And when eating at the Formosa Chinese Restaurant and Sushi Bar in the Chester Shopping Mall, one can also distinguish it as being beautifully simplistic as a Chinese Restaurant, with cozy red booths, pink flowers resting atop of clean white table cloths, and a pleasant yellow wall with scrolls and a not too ornate bronzed picture of workers pulling a cart.

“We just [changed the layout] about a year ago,” co-owner, Amy Ling says, “We changed it from top to bottom.”

Originally having a monochromatic look—the walls were white, the ceiling was white, and even the table clothes were white—Ling wanted to change things up a bit and add a little flavor to the room similar to the inviting flavor of the menu, which was also just revamped about a year ago.

“We changed the carpet to a wood floor,” Ling says, proud of the new design, “We changed the white color to the light color. We changed the lights with a little red and black…My opinion was before that white was always the best thing. But after I changed the colors, I loved it. It pops out really great.”

The white color scheme was actually the original design of Formosa when it first opened in the early 80s and stayed that way until quite recently.

“We [her and her brother, James Cao] took it over from an older couple, a nice couple, in, I think, 1995,” Ling says, “We were working for them a couple days a week. We knew the customers, and we loved doing the food. Even fifteen years later I still love doing the food.”

And the customers love eating the food, too, which ranges from traditional American Chinese—such as egg rolls, Lo Mein, and boneless spare ribs—to other items that you probably wouldn’t see in your normal neighborhood Chinese restaurant, like Tilapia Filet, Chirashi Sushi, which is 18 pieces of assorted fish on rice, and even something called the “Chester Roll,” which is sliced tuna on top of cucumber avocado and tobigo, which are fish eggs.

“When we took over,” Ling says, “it was just Chinese. But probably eight years ago, we changed it to a Chinese and Sushi Bar.”

The menu is also good for those with a tight budget, as there are both small and large lunch and dinner items on the menu, with small ranging in the low five dollar range, and large more in the ten dollar range.

“The price is very, very reasonable [for this area],” Ling says, “You can bring your kids and your family. Even the little baby is fine because it’s family style.” Family style meaning that portions can be divided amongst the family because of their large size.

And Ling knows a lot about families, being that a majority of hers is right here in the area.

“My mom’s here, my brother’s here, my brother’s wife and her two kids are here, my kids are here,” Ling says about living in Chester, “I like this area. I’ve been working here for a long, long time and there are just great people here. It’s a great area.”

###

Formosa Chinese Restaurant and Sushi Bar
Where: 79 West Main Street, RT. 24, Chester N.J.

Phone: 908-879-4848

Hours: Monday-Friday, 11 am-10 pm, Saturday-Sunday: 12 pm-10 pm

Cuisine: Chinese and Japanese
Liquor: BYOB

Payment: All credit cards accepted

Price range: appetizers, $4.95 to $9.95; sushi rolls, $7.95 to $24.95; lunch menu entrees
(choice of Wonton, egg drop, or hot & sour soup included), $5.25 to $6.96; house specialties $9.95 to $27.95.

Dress: casual

Atmosphere: Warm and inviting atmosphere with very comfortable décor and lighting

Delivery: no

Catering: Yes

Takeout: Yes

Parking: Parking Lot

Owners: Amy Ling and James Cao

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Award Winning Diner Great Place to Sit and Eat



Find the article from the website here: http://www.mcwthisweek.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090902/MCWTW05/90826068

The slogan on the cover of the menu at the Country Coffee Shop in the Mendham Village Shopping Center on Route 24, is, “Where Friends Meet to Eat!!” and customers who come inside will get no better friend in the diner, which is comfortable and cozy, than owner, John Paxos, who comes right over to his customers and says hello.

“We have almost all regular customers who come in here,” Paxos says, who runs the diner with his father, cousins and sister, “[and] I know, I’d say, 90% of the customers by first name, and they know my name.”

The space, nestled in the corner of the Mendham Village Shopping Center, was already an established eatery before John and his “pop” Andrew bought it 12 years ago from its former owners.

“It was always some kind of place to eat,” Paxos says, “They called it the Mendham Eatery at one time. But since the mall was built, it’s been a place to eat—for forty something years.”

The area inside the diner has your comfortably typical diner look to it. There are your typical diner stools right at the counter where people can pick up a quick coffee or a meal. There are the typical booths where people can sit and face each other while they eat. There’s the typical cake on the countertop underneath the glass, the typical specials of the day posted on a whiteboard, and even the typical U2 music playing on the radio in the background. Just about the only thing not typical about this place’s diner décor are the dogs that layer the walls, many of which may look familiar to some of the frequent customers.

“The dogs?” Paxos says about the various pictures of man’s best friend that cover the walls, “Just one of my customers. He’s a canine photographer and he came in and asked if he could put up some pictures to drum up a little business. He puts in the Invisible Fence for people, and he’s also a canine photographer, so after he puts up the fence, he’ll ask, ‘hey, do you want me to take a picture of your dog?’ So a lot of these [pictures] are [of] local dogs in the area.”

Kids often want to sit next to their own dog when they come in, and it adds to the whole “homey” atmosphere that the Paxos’ family is trying to portray.

“We try to focus on being a family oriented type of business,” Paxos says, “I gave a great staff and I couldn’t do business without them. One of the managers is my sister, and the other is my cousin.”

The menu itself is also quite in the vein of diner food, with breakfast specials like double fried egg sandwiches, pancakes, and even healthy options, like the Egg White Vegetable Omelette, served with dry toast and homefries.

Lunches and dinners range in the same diner fashion, with seafood, sandwiches, pita pockets, and again, a waist watcher option with meals like Tossed salad with Turkey Breast, hard boiled eggs, and Chicken salads.

They also cook up specialty items, including home cooked meals and chicken sautés. In fact, anything not on the menu that you want, they’ll cook it right for you if you ask for it.

“You come in here and you can have anything you want,” Paxos says, “If you’re looking for something, we’ll make it for you.”

One of their main selling points, though is their burgers, which Paxos holds in very high regard.

“We have the best burgers around,” Paxos says, “We have a nice, juicy, 8 oz. burger. It’s big and juicy and we cook it on the Charbroil and the thing is just delicious. I can’t eat a whole one.”

With its great atmosphere and great selection, it even won the 2008 Daily Record Reader’s Choice Award for best coffee shop.

“I put up flyers, approached regular customers, and talked to the employees to vote online,” Paxos said, who wants to win the same title again this year, “I put out flyers again this year and I’m trying to beat the drum to get it going.”

If Paxos sounds like he knows a lot about the business, he does—he’s been in it for 35 years. He originally started out in East Hanover but came over to Mendham for one reason.

“Mendham’s a great area,” Paxos says with a smile.

###

Country Coffee Shop

WHERE: Route 24, Mendham, New Jersey
TELEPHONE NUMBER: 973-543-7173
HOURS: 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. weekdays, 6 a.m. to 3 p.m. on weekends.
CUISINE: Diner food
PAYMENT: Cash only
PRICE RANGE: Breakfast $3.25 to $10.95; Lunch $4.25 to $11.95; Dinner $6.95 to $10.95; Desserts $2.75 to $5.25
RESERVATIONS: Sit down and eat
DRESS: Casual
ATMOSPHERE: Lively, warm, and friendly
THE SCENE: Nestled in the Mendham Mall on Route 24, this award winning diner has a wide assortment of meals to choose from
DELIVERY: No
ENTERTAINMENT: No
TAKE-OUT: Yes
PARKING: Free in lot
OWNERS: John Paxos

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Review: Speed Zone



Talk about not judging a game by its cover. I was all set to hate Speed Zone from the get-go. Just looking at the box art, the first impression I got was that this was Hot Wheels Leading the Way in outer space. But let me tell you, Speed Zone is freaking awesome, as it has enough addictive gameplay to make you come back for more even after you’ve missed your objective for the fifteenth time in a row and just want to beat it already so you can go to bed.

The beauty of this game doesn’t lie in the graphics, though (Really, they’re just okay). Nor do they lie in the subpar techno music that thumps throughout the game like a grating buzzsaw. No, the beauty of Speed Zone lies in the “In the Zone,” meter that builds up whenever you drive over the speed limit, which is like, 200 mph, or some other ludicrous number like that. Cruising around in the solo mode, you race to beat the target time designated to you at the beginning of each level. When you do this, the only way you can beat your time is pretty much to hit every single speed boost and not crash into anything. This can be quite nerve racking as even the slightest miscalculation can send you hurdling into the great blue yonder. But staying perfectly on track and hitting all of the speed boosts is easier said than done, especially if you’re using anything other than a Classic or a GameCube controller.

That’s right, this being a Wii racing game, of course they give you more than a million (Or, you know, just six) different ways to play the game, including tilting the Wii mote to its side and steering with it, playing with the wheel that came with Mario Kart Wii, playing with the nunchuk, or just using a regular controller. Personally, I’d pick the final method, because the other ones just don’t cut it, as using the controller as a steering wheel is always too sensitive. It was with Mario Kart Wii, and it is with this game, too.

But once you get the hang of using the controller, you’ll find yourself staying on the track more and not flying into objects. In fact, play it long enough (Which I certainly did) and you begin to memorize the tracks out of necessity, remembering where all of the speed boosts are so you can beat your best time and move up the pyramid, which is how you advance in this game—moving up a pyramid. All of this is in Solo mode, though, which is fun enough on its own. But there’s also a split screen racing mode (With up to 8 players) or a battle mode, where you pick up power-ups and blast away at other racers. Really, you’re getting three games in one with this title here, as all three modes are so wildly different.

If I have a few complaints with this game though, it lies in the fact that it’s really not all that futuristic. Sure, it takes place in outer space, as the tracks have red moons on them and holes in the floor, but even with all of that, it just doesn’t FEEL futuristic. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re driving cars instead of hover crafts. F-Zero felt futuristic on the Super Nintendo, as the hovercrafts made you really feel like you were zooming over and around spacey terrain. And so did Wipeout, with its claustrophobic tunnels and pulse pounding soundtrack. But Speed Zone just feels like you’re driving around in space with zero-gravity tires or something. I mean, I shouldn’t have to make up a story in my head about why you’re able to drive cars in outer space (And so fast), but I did. And I think none of this would have really been a problem if they just made the vehicles hover crafts instead of cars. It might be cliché, but it works.

Also, once you crash your car, you’re pretty much toast, because you lose soooo much momentum in the process. Sure, Speed Zone gives you a lot more legroom than a lot of other racers to crash. But there’s nothing worse than flying down the speedway at 500 mph and then bumping into a wall or a ceiling and going back down to 100. That really sucks hard. Plus, other than the gimmicky usages of the Wiimote and the steering wheel, Speed Zone could probably be on any other console and doesn’t really have anything going for it that distinguishes it from being a 360 game, other than the slightly last-gen visuals, I guess.

Other than that though, Speed Zone is an overall enjoyable thrill ride with a great, split screen multiplayer mode, smooth gameplay, and an addictive feel that just can’t be beat. Don’t let the box art fool you, people. Speed Zone shouldn’t be missed.

Deli Offers Speed and Friendly Service to the Neighborhood



Stand outside the Wicker Basket in the Mendham Village Shopping Center on Route 24, and the place just screams deli. From the glowing Boar’s Head sign on the window, to the customers who walk in empty handed, only to walk out minutes later with a giant sub or a salad in their hands, everything about the Wicker Basket tells you in very distinct words that this is a deli, and we are here to serve you.

“We just try to give the people quite a bit of what we can,” says Glenn Schmidle, owner of the Wicker Basket along with his wife, Mary Ellen, “Good service, good stuff, and hopefully, they’ll keep coming back.”
Inside the Wicker Basket is a very inviting atmosphere that has enough floor space to allow big lines to form and not feel crowded or closed in. This is intentional as the lines at the Wicket Basket can get quite long sometimes.

“The line may look long, but we blast them out,” Schmidle says, “Our motto is, the Wicker is quicker.”

Part of the reason for this is because many of the same customers come in everyday ordering the same meals, allowing Schmidle to already know what to have ready for them in advance.

“There are people here all the time, the same people every day,” Schmidle says, “And I can have [their food] ready for them. I think that’s what people like. Before they get to the counter, we have it all done and ready for them. They’ll get their sandwich or their Taylor Ham or their coffee, [and it will be] just sitting on the counter when they come in.”

Other than the ample floor space, there’s the deli counter that has various meats and salads—from Asian Chicken and pasta to Chicken Caesar—behind it. There are also a variety of chips available for quick and easy pick up on the shelves. The menu features sandwiches of all kinds, including breakfast sandwiches like the Taylor Ham Egg and Cheese, cold sandwiches like the Sloppy Joe with Turkey or roast beef, and hot sandwiches, like the Pizza Sandwich. Added items on the menu include more salads for the more health conscious customers, and more burgers, “with like, millions of things on it,” Schmidle says.

Along the walls are soda freezers on one side, and unopened sodas in boxes on the other, sitting atop steel wire shelves and waiting to fill the freezers. But those drinks aren’t the ones that most people who are familiar with the Wicker Basket come to get.
“We have the Half&Half.” Schmidle says, “Half iced tea, half lemonade. Kids line up in the morning to get them before they go to school.”
For those who haven’t been to the Wicker Basket in awhile though, they may notice some very immediate changes.

“We fixed it up like seven months ago,” Schmidle says, “President’s Weekend. We closed for a week and did it.”
These changes—brighter lights, a sign with a cartoon man with big eyes smiling at a sandwich, more modern look—are all part of Schmidle’s way of giving back to the community.

“We just try to keep up with the times,” Schmidle says, “I just wanted to put something back. Instead of just taking from the business, I wanted to put something back [into it]. Now, when somebody comes in, they’re like, ‘It’s new.’”
These new things don’t alter the history of the place though, which goes back quite some time.

“This was the first store in this mall,” Schmidle says, “and it’s been like, 45 years, and the store had been the same and never changed.”
Glenn Schmidle’s parents bought the store 21 years ago from its original owners, who had already changed it from being a cheese store to a deli before they got there. Glenn took over the shop when his parents retired and has been running it with his wife ever since.

“Being here for that long, it seems weird,” Schmidle says, “Kids who came here in strollers are driving now. They’re going off to college. We saw them as little kids and [I think] that’s pretty cool.”

***

The Wicker Basket
WHERE: 86 E. Main St. Suite B (Kings Supermarket shopping center), Mendham
TELEPHONE NUMBER: 973-543-7279
HOURS: 6:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. on weekdays, 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Saturday. Closed on Sundays
CUISINE: Fresh deli, salad, grill items, breakfast sandwiches and bagels
LIQUOR: No
PAYMENT: Cash only
PRICE RANGE: Breakfast, $1.75 to $7.50; salads, $3.95 to $7.50; sandwich and wraps, $4.95
CATERING: Yes
ATMOSPHERE: A great little hometown deli
PARKING: Large lot
OWNERS: Glenn and Mary Ellen Schmidle

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What Is the Most Dangerous Animal in the World? (Better Luck Next Time, Sharks)



Find the article here: http://flisted.com/84026/what-is-the-most-dangerous-animal-in-the-world-better-luck-next-time-sharks/

Jaws is a really good movie and it made Steven Spielberg a star. After its release, a lot of people were afraid to go back in the water, and for good reason. But sharks really aren’t THAT bad. I mean, they made Shark Week for us.

And as it happens, they’re even lightweights at Sea World, losing out in terms of being an ice cold murderer to… jellyfish. Which animal is most likely to ruin your sh*t?

Well, jellyfish kill around 100 people each year to a shark’s paltry (laughable, even) 30-100. I mean, seriously, even bees are more dangerous than sharks, as bees cause over 400 deaths each year. Do they have a Bee Week? They do not. Bee Movie, certainly though.

More impressive still are the dangers of scorpions, which kill at least 5000 people each year. You’ll never guess number one, though. Unless you’ve read about Africa in the past, I don’t know, ten years.

The high number of deaths that come as a result of mosquito bites are those mostly in Africa that carry diseases such as Malaria. Mosquitoes by far outrank the number 2 most dangerous animals in number of deaths, causing over 2 million deaths every year!

Snakes, scorpions, crocodiles, and elephants also kill more people than sharks.