Assassin's Creed Looks Awesome...Yeah, Awesomely Bad

EGM, the number one magazine of choice for gamers and super studs like me, is concerned about Assassin’s Creed in a big kind of way. In the latest issue (The one with the strangely hot nurse with no face from Silent Hill on the cover), Assassin’s Creed was featured in their annual E3 best (and worst) in show review. Sadly, for people who are actually interested in the stealthy PS3/Xbox 360 title, the game was awarded the coveted, “Game We’re Most Worried About” Award by the crew. And though I’m a man who enjoys his schadenfreude with a side of raspberries and Vanilla Coke just like any other misanthrope, I guess my negative karma’s finally catching up with me, as NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams for the Wii, a game that I’m HIGHLY anticipating, got Runner-up for game they’re most worried about. I guess this spells, “I think I’m finally going to trade in my Wii for a PS3” for me. But if EGM’s not your cup of Arizona Iced Tea or you’re perhaps only five years old, GAMEPRO also has concerns for the game as well, namely that the controls are iffy and that it’s too complex for its own darn good. Either way, the sweet as Equal sugar graphics aren’t appearing to hold the crummy gameplay up to snuff for either publication. In other news, Bioshock is awesome, but I’ll save that for another article.

Metroid Month on the Wii Console means yes, Yes, YES!

In honor of Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, which comes out… um…a few days ago (How the hell did I let THAT slip me by?) Nintendo has deemed August the Month of Metroid on the Wii Network. And you know what THAT means, right? No? Well, I’ll tell you then. It means that you can pick up both the original Metroid (yawn) and also the seminal sequel Super Metroid (HECK YES!) for moderately low, low prices.

But before I get into just why I don’t care about Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, let me talk about a topic that’s very near and dear to my heart…the game, Super Metroid (You thought I was going to start talking about diabetes, didn’t you?).

Aside from Super Mario World, Super Metroid might just be the best game available to purchase on the Virtual Console, and here’s why. Costing you a measly 800 points, Super Metroid pretty much made everybody who thought they had the whole MetroidVania genre figured out do a double take as its lush graphics, epic quest, and interesting storyline revolutionized the SNES.

This game is around the seventh chronologically (or ninth if you’re counting that Pinball thing, and Gameboy remake of the original, Zero Mission) in the immensely detailed Samus canon (The Prime games actually exist between the original and Super Metroid, even though they came out much later), and also represents a turning point in the Metroid series that…well, why spoil it for you kiddies out there who haven’t played it yet? Your parents have money, go and bug them already.

But now, on to why I couldn’t give two sweet pitoots about Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. Quite frankly, as loud as the plaudits were for the original Prime, I just couldn’t get into it. Actually, let me rephrase that, I STILL can’t get into it, even after a second, unbiased run through. And despite many claims that you don’t have to be an FPS fan to like the game, they’re wrong. Dead wrong. The game has the stinky stain of FPS all over it, and it shows as soon as you get to the first boss and have to aim with Halo like precision to nail the jump jiving target.

And personally, I’m sick of this behind the visor crap now anyway and want to see Samus Aran’s beautiful metal figure in glorious 2-D action outside of a Smash Brothers game, thank you very much. Is there anybody else out there with me on this? I mean, even Tony Hawk threw in Bam Margera to spice up the series. So couldn’t Nintendo do the same thing with Metroid?

Oh, and by the way, I mean spice up the series, not throw in Bam Margera. That would just be stupid.

Duck Down Records Signs KRS-One; “He’s On My Label Now,” Says Buckshot

In an exclusive interview with XXLMag.com, Black Moon front man, Buckshot, has announced that Duck Down Records has signed the legendary KRS-One. “Yeah, we just signed KRS-One to Duck Down,” Buckshot told XXLMag.com. “He’s on my label now. We’re going hard, as far as production wise.” Buckshot, who is co-CEO of Duck Down Records with Dru Ha, is also working another album with producer 9th Wonder entitled The Formula. The LP is the follow up to 2005’s Chemistry. “It’s a whole different time,” Buck says in regards to the album’s direction. ‘It’s a different scene. It’s a reflection of what needs to be said and it’s my manifestation. I’m trying to show people that I’m actually greater at what I do then what is perceived when I come up with concepts and stories. The things I do lyrically on this album aren’t easy. That’s the whole point of hip-hop, to do what’s not easy.” The Formula will be released this fall.
Reporting by Rich Knight

I want to (Air) Rock

What leads a person to want to be a rock star? Pfft, please. Who doesn’t want to be a rock star? With the legion of groupies, millions of fans, and excuse to wear sequined spandex on a daily basis, rock star is probably the most wanted occupation right up there with movie star and ninja. But what about an air guitar star? Well, that’s a question I’ve always had ever since I watched the doc The US Air Guitar Championships on August 16th, I now know why.

With the sold out crowd at The Fillmore at Irving Plaza, the fans were bananas, especially for hometown hero William Ocean, who wound up winning the whole shebang. Of course, in theory, the whole idea of air guitaring really isn’t all that amazing, not with the cultural revolution that is Guitar Hero anyway. But there’s just something about being around all those sweaty, potential rock gods in the audience that really fills you with a sense of…unity. Especially when after the show, people storm the stage and start air guitaring like they’re the stars—which they are, really, as everybody’s a star is when they’re air guitaring.

Now, if only they had a competition for air accordion…

Check out a Flickr stream of shots from the Air Guitar Championship.

And Find the article here: http://smithmag.net/2007/08/23/i-want-to-air-rock/

Why Is The Virtual Console The Only Thing I Play On My Wii?

By now, if you’ve ever read a single one of my articles before, you’d probably think that I hate the Wii. A lot. That’s as in current episodes of Family Guy, a lot. But that actually couldn’t be farther from the truth. I actually love the Wii right now, but not for the reasons many of you fanboys (and girls) out there love it for (And why you love it for now, I can’t even imagine). Currently, the video game market is looking pretty dismal. With a stale 360 line-up (Besides BioShock, which looks aw, aw, aw, awesome), and abysmal PS3 games (Metal Gear notwithstanding), it looks like my once favored pastime has become a chore in itself just to get enthused for what I once used to love so very much.

But there’s hope! Much like every generation runs out of cultural ideas for pretty much everything (In the 90s, it was clothes. That’s why bell-bottom JNCO jeans got so stupidly popular), games look to be on that familiar treadmill effect again that happened in the early 80s. I mean, sure, there are some exceptions to the rule—God of War 2, Dead Rising, and Guitar Hero 2 come to mind—but for the most part, what else is there? Honestly. And please, no more long lists of crummy games to prove me wrong. I usually laugh at those and say, “Man, you are reach-ing.”

But as I said before, there’s hope. While I never really forgot how much fun a game like Kid Chameleon or Wave Race 64 was, it’s nice to be reminded of it every so often, and the Virtual Console does just that. Sure, I wish some of my personal favorites would land on the console (I am REALLY pining for some Battletoads and Double Dragon action right about now), but what’s been put up there on the VC market, for the most part, is really pretty good. Even better than TMNT The Arcade Game, which landed on X-Box Live Arcade not too long ago. And for a shell-shocked shell head like me to say that, that’s saying quite a bit.

So as a retro machine with style, the Wii really isn’t all that bad. But as a serious console, the Wii is pathetic. As is the PS3, and as is the 360 (And no, I don’t work for Microsoft as some have implied. I don’t even own a 360, damnit). Hopefully, this dearth in quality new games is only temporary, though. A man can only get too much of Balloon Fight before he finally gives up and stops playing altogether.

Lair Pushed Back...Because it sucks

Lair, the dragon riding, seemingly awesome PS3 experience, has been pushed back from its August 14th release date to September 4th, putting it in direct contention with Heavenly Sword, which is also set to come out that day. According to 1up.com, Associate Producer, Ryan Hamlyn posted an update on the Playstation.Blog that the delay is because of “Online features – such as leaderboards and medal systems,” that need to be implemented before the game can be released. But personally, I’m not buying it. In the most recent issue of EGM, the game scored TERRIBLY, with one of the key complaints being that the in-air battle system didn’t make a lick of sense, and also that controlling the dragon’s flight patterns was about as graceful as controlling a Hummer in mid-air, which equates to about...zero mobility. So yeah, I’m more than a little suspicious about this delay, and think Factor-5 may be changing a few key gameplay elements to make one of the bigger games for the PS3 into something that’s actually worth playing. And to all those I might have offended before by writing that the PS3 would eventually turn out to be a good system, for that, I’m terribly, terribly sorry. After actually playing the system this weekend at a friend’s house and testing out the Heavenly Sword demo, I must say that I’m HIGHLY disappointed. The gameplay is lackluster, to say the very least, and horrendous to say the very most. Playing like an un-responsive version o God of War, many times, I’d wind up giving strange faces at the television screen when I’d enter commands that worked at one point, but failed to do anything the next. And you know how every brutal hit in GoW just feels like it’s MEANT to happen? Not so in Heavenly Sword, as many times I found myself wondering whether my pressing of the triangle button really meant anything, or if it was just there as ornamentation, as it seemed like my chances of actually hitting anything were about 50/50. The PS3, like the Wii, is another piece of wasted hardware, and as of right now, I’m pretty ashamed to call myself a gamer. As Milhouse would say while crying on his belly, “When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?” When are they going to get to the fireworks factory, indeed.

eBay's Big, Big Winner

Steve Ratner, the 52-year-old principal of creative service agency, Ivy Creative, is many things to many people—a father, a husband, a commercial producer, a print designer, a brand builder, and more. One other title to add to Ratner’s robust resume: PayPal frequent buyer. Ratner has been purchasing products on eBay since 1998. In fact, Ratner’s collection is so vast that the inside of his entire house is almost completely stocked with products bought from eBay and other consumer-based websites. SMITH talked to the Southborough resident via phone.

SMITH: Why the urge to purchase everything in your house off of eBay?
Steve Ratner: It wasn’t everything. My wife Amy and I purchased many things, but it certainly wasn’t everything. We were building a modern house, and I wanted to have a shot at putting the best quality stuff in it for the first time around. In order to do that, I went on eBay to save as much money as I could, so it was a monetary thing. You can spend $100 on a faucet at Home Depot, or, you can get a really good deal on eBay and put in a $70 faucet instead.

What drew you into the world of eBay?
I’m into modern design, and it was a way of finding items that you couldn’t find anywhere around here in Southborough. And by modern design, I’m talking about chairs, tables, stuff like that. And that’s how I started out.

What do your friends think of all the stuff you buy off eBay?
Oh, they’re fascinated. All my friends say that if they were ever going to be buying a new house, they’d ask for my help. In fact, I have a good friend in New York who’s building a house and asked me for some of the online companies I dealt with when I was building my own house.

So, what would you do if somebody read this article and saw what you did with your house and then decided that they wanted to do the same thing with theirs?
I’d think it’s a great idea. Look, eBay has really made inroads in our society and the way people buy things. I mean, you wouldn’t buy a $50 dresser on eBay and pay 100 bucks to ship it from California. You just wouldn’t do that. But, you would if, say, the item you were buying was something that you couldn’t get anyplace else. I don’t know how familiar you are with modern designers, but there’s a guy named George Nelson who created a bunch of items in the 50s and 60s and these items are the new antiques if you’re into modern design. So, eBay’s a great place to find items like that. You know, very special items.

Would you say you’re obsessed with eBay?
No. It’s just another way of purchasing. There was an incident where my wife and I went shopping for a high-end couch for the house and it was very expensive. There was only one place in Boston that sold this particular couch, and when we went there, the customer service wasn’t great. We didn’t get treated well, and it was just a bad experience. So I went home and knew I would be able to get it someplace else, even if I went to New York. So I went online and found a place in London where I could buy it, and it ended up being one-third cheaper than buying it in Boston. So I bought it in England and had it shipped here. That was a good experience.

Might you know what your next purchase on eBay will be?
You know what’s interesting? I bought some art on eBay—high-end black and white photographs—and it might be something like that. Maybe a black-and-white photograph landscape or something. There are a certain a number of galleries I’ve visited.

What’s your six word memoir?
I don’t need six, all I need is three…less is more.

Find the article on the actual site (and with a much better picture) here: http://smithmag.net/2007/08/08/obsessed-ebays-big-big-winner/