I Want the Brain of Rich B. Knight NEEOOW!

If you like Poker...

2012-02-15T03:00:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: flatcallbrand.bigcartel.com)

Not too big a fan of Poker myself (I'm much more of a Go Fish kind of guy), but if you dig the sport, check out Flatcall.com. They have some pretty cool apparel.

The 10 Most Ridiculous Uses of Jiggle Physics in Gaming

2012-02-06T14:22:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

My latest (and possibly last) article for Complex. Check it out here.

Four Great Bands Where Multiple Members Sing Lead Vocals

2012-02-05T11:28:00.000-08:00

Props to the bands where there are multiple singers. It's one thing to have multiple creative minds in a group, and another to have groups where almost everybody has the balls to sing. Here's a list of the only bands I can think of that have accomplished this feat. Can you think of any others?

4. Weezer

(Image taken from: clunkyrobot.com)

Was the Red album any good? Well, no, not really, but on it, all four members each had a song of their own to sing. And even better, when they went on tour for the album, they all played different instruments every night. That's pretty badass.

3. Mastodon

(Image taken from: thesilvertongueonline.com)

Mastodon is an interesting band in that multiple members sing lead within the same song. What I mean is, whole sections of a song will have up to three members of the band singing lead. Too bad lead guitarist, Bill Kelliher, keeps quiet. :(

2. Kiss

(Image taken from: sweetlyrics.com)

Those who only know Kiss from their biggest single, "Rock and Roll All Nite" might think that Gene Simmons is the lead singer of the group, when the truth is, he only sung lead on a very small number of Kiss songs. But the truth is, of the original lineup of Ace, Paul, Gene, and Peter Criss, all of them got a chance to sing lead. Bitchin'.

1. The Beatles

(Image taken from: rockhall.com)

And of course, the biggest band in the world had all four members singing. What makes The Beatles the most amazing group of all on this list is that each member had at least (at LEAST) one song that's considered a Beatles classic to their own. Even Ringo, with "Yellow Submarine" and "Octopus's Garden" had his share of hits. Unbelievable.

The Top 10 Greatest Movie Trailers of All Time

2012-01-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: thedarkknightrises.com)

It's interesting. Movie trailers are supposed to get you interested in a film before the film comes out. But so many times in recent memory, the movie is actually BETTER than the trailer (Which is why Red band trailers are awesome--we get to see what a movie really is without pussy-footing around the ratings board). Here are the top ten movie trailers I've ever seen. For some of these, they were WAY better than the movie advertised, and for others, they were about the same. But one thing's certain, these trailers made me want to see the films they were advertising. Even if one of those films weren't even real (Read on to see what I mean).

10. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Gritty, dirty-looking and horrifying. There's so much chaos going on here that it's impossible NOT to be interested in seeing what it's all about. Top notch.

9. Suspiria

Whisper it with me. Suspiiiiiriaaaa. Sure, the movie is awful and it hasn't aged well in the slightest, but this trailer is just cheesy enough to get me to want to see those last few minutes of the movie that's bragged about in the trailer (The ending sucks, by the way. I just saved you a Netflix bomb).

8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

I honestly don't even LIKE the Harry Potter movies (They're nowhere near as good as the books). But while I was reading the last book in the series, the one thing I couldn't help but think was how cool the battle scenes would look in a movie, and this trailer got my hopes up. What was great was that the battle was actually pretty good in the movie itself. But alas, no centaurs. The centaurs looked shitty in the earlier movies anyway, though, so that's probably a blessing in disguise.

7. Total Recall

There is just so much going on in this trailer it's ridiculous. We get a one-liner from Arnold, shit blowing up, Arnold fighting, an idea of the plot, and just madness. An excellent trailer.

6. Don't

Featured in the movie, Grindhouse, this faux-trailer is amazing because it's just so hilarious and terrible that it's lovable. I want to see this! But not alone...the trailer told me not to.

5. A Clockwork Orange

Seizure-inducing but brilliant. Just like the movie itself.

4. Watchmen

Waaaaay better than the movie itself, this trailer has Billy Corgan's apocalyptic crooning to thank for it. It's beautiful and dangerous looking.

3. The Dark Knight Rises

This trailer has everything to do with the hype surrounding the movie. The mystery of whether Bane is going to be as amazing a villain as The Joker is on everybody's mind, and this trailer does everything to make us believe he will be. Love that football field collapsing scene. Love it.

2. Chronicle

Will this movie be awesome? Will it be ass? Don't know as of this writing, but one thing I do know is that I HAVE to see this film. I get chills when the dude is crushing the car while sitting Indian style. So sick.

1. 300

Another one from a Zack Snyder movie, I've probably seen this trailer enough times to equal the entirety of the film. That's because it's the best trailer ever. Trent Reznor's searing sound, the brutal visuals, the comic book style art direction...everything about this made me have to see this film back when it came out. Was it as good out of context to the trailer? Well, no, but how COULD it be? Nothing even comes close to it. Best. Trailer. Ever.

The 10 Swiftest Ninjas in Games

2012-01-25T13:19:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's my latest article for Complex. It's about the top ten greatest (Or, er, sorry, swiftest) ninjas in gaming. Check it out.

The 10 Craziest Weapons in Fighting Games.

2012-01-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

The ten craziest weapons in fighting games. Check it out here.

The 5 Best and the 5 Worst Games Based On Cartoons

2012-01-19T15:52:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

My latest article for Complex. Check it out here.

More movie reviews from cinemablend

2012-01-18T17:03:00.000-08:00

Here are some more Blu-Ray reviews from Cinemablend.com. Again, read 'em all.

(Image taken from: starwars-bluray.com)

Green Lantern

Horrible Bosses

Pulp Fiction

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Bridesmaids

Hesher

X-Men: First Class

Priest

No More Posting Direct Text From Cinemablend, sooo....

2012-01-18T16:48:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: moyna16.wordpress.com)

Looks like a made a mistake. I can't post direct text from the articles I've written from cinemablend.com on my blog. My bad, my blunder. So, here are links to said movie reviews. Read em all!

Good Morning Vietnam

Kung-Fu Panda 2

Cowboys and Aliens

The Hangover: Part II

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II

Blue Velvet

More to come...

The Top 5 Greatest Actors in the past 50 Years

2012-01-15T08:52:00.000-08:00

Acting. It's unbelievably hard and it takes a great deal to actually be considered a master of the art. That said, my idea of a great actor is probably very different than yours. For me, great acting is somebody who becomes an entirely different person with each role. That means, actors like Johnny Depp, George Clooney, and Christopher Walken are out because they basically play the same version of themselves in every movie. Prove me wrong.

So, without further yammering...

(Image taken from: paulnewman.com)

5. Paul Newman

Paul Newman, with his good looks, calm demeanor, and charm, may not seem like a great actor at first, but you have to weigh the history of his films against each other. The pool wizard seen in The Hustler, and then later in The Color of Money, are the same character, but played with a great deal of gravitas between them. I think this is because as Paul Newman aged, he took that experience of age with him into his roles, which is why he was so good in a later film like Road to Perdition. His growth as an actor throughout his career is what made him so great. It's also why he was so beloved. The audience aged with him.

(Image taken from: famenetworth.com)

4. Dustin Hoffman

Dustin Hoffman is so great because you can never tell what you're going to get when watching his films. He could play it straight (All the President's Men), crooked (Midnight Cowboy), loopy (Tootsy), and even sympathetic (Kramer vs. Kramer). Hell, he can even be convincing trapping a man in a bear trap (Straw Dogs). Whatever he does, you're going to get something magical...even if the movie itself sucks (Ishtar).

(Image taken from: topnews.in)

3. Daniel Day Lewis

Here's the thing with me. If an actor can blow me away in not one (Like Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight) but at least TWO projects with completely different roles, then you've earned a place on this list. Daniel Day Lewis doesn't do a lot of films, but every film he does, he's the most captivating part about it. Just see movies like In the Name of the Father, Gangs of New York, and The Age of Innocence. Honestly, I don't think they're great films, but they're memorable. And why is that? Because Daniel Day Lewis is in them.

(Image taken from: topnews.in)

2. Bryan Cranston

My best friend, who's Indian, once told me that in India, some of the actors are revered as gods. Honest to truth gods. And sometimes, for some of their films, after the actor in question says a line of dialogue, people in the audience stand up and clap. That's ridiculous. But you know what, I've actually adopted doing this for Bryan Cranston. If you ever watched Malcolm in the Middle and later watched him in Breaking Bad, you'll notice that he was a much greater actor than you ever imagined possible. Anybody who can play the goofball patriarch Hal in one show and then go to the meth making bad guy, Walt, in another is an actor for the ages. And even his film work is starting to look pretty good. I'm interested to see where he takes it. He's one of the best around.

(Image taken from: fandango.com)

1. Gary Oldman

Gary Oldman, to me, is the perfect actor. He's a chameleon! I've literally sat through entire films only to see Oldman's name in the credits and saying, "Wait, that was Gary Oldman?!" He can do any role and better than anybody else. Watch Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, watch Leon: The Professional, watch True Romance, watch Sid and Nancy. Seriously, he's in every one of those films and you wouldn't even know it. He's the best actor in the past 50 years.

The 25 Best Video Game References in Movies

2012-01-04T14:41:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's my first new article for 2012. Please read.

My Top Ten Favorite Movies of 2011

2011-12-31T05:16:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: chemistryland.com)

Okay, while I still didn't see the four movies I was holding out for before I wrote this list (The Descendents, The Artist, Melancholia, and Take Shelter), I still saw an assload of movies and here were my favorites of the year. Maybe your favorites made the list, too. Check it out.

10. Horrible Bosses

Horrible Bosses was the kind of movie that was hilarious the first time, but not so much the second. Kind of like Borat. It doesn't hold up on repeated viewings, but for that first time I saw it, it was one of my favorite movies of the summer. Motherf**ker' Jones!

9. Rango

Rango was just too weird NOT to like. Any "kid's movie" that features a cameo of Raoul Duke from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas makes this list. No question.

8. Hugo

Hugo was the film I was most surprised with liking this year, which is strange, given that it had the Scorsese pedigree. Watching those trailers, though, I didn't know what to think. But after seeing it, it's one of the most beautiful films of the year. It's touching and also a history lesson on film. It's incredible. But it's also definitely NOT for kids. Not because it has anything their virgin ears couldn't handle, but because it takes a very adult approach in telling a children's story. Kids will be bored silly, but adults will dig it. See this film.

7. Cedar Rapids

Honestly the funniest movie of the year. In what other film do you have John C. Reilly being his regular goofy self, and Senator Clay Davis (Isiah Whitlock Jr.) pretending to be Omar from The Wire? A first class comedy with heart. I loved it.

6. 50/50

Wow. Looking back at this list, 2011 was seriously the year of comedies. But 50/50 was a different kind of comedy since it was the kind that could make you feel stronger after watching it. Joseph Gordon-Levitt bared the burden of carrying the emotional heft of this cancer tale by having the Big C, and Seth Rogen got to lighten it up by saying lines like, "He has type 4 Cancer." Type 4 Cancer...that still makes me laugh. A great, sad, and yet, triumphant film. It's little wonder so few people actually saw it. It was too good for most people.

5. X-Men: First Class

X-Men: First Class is the best Marvel movie ever made and only a step down from the greatness that is The Dark Knight. Nuff said.

4. The Muppets

I knew I was going to love the Muppet movie as how could I not? It's the Muppets. But I didn't think I would love it THIS much. It's just too good. My favorite part of it is actually not even the Muppets themselves, but Chris Cooper, who steals the show entirely. Maniacal laugh.

3. Drive

If this list was for the coolest picture of the year, Drive would be number one, no question. Its style was impeccable, its music was incredible, and the acting in it was just jaw-droppingly good. Plus, it had Bryan Cranston in it, so yeah, one of the best of the year. Love it.

2. War Horse

War Horse is incredibly mawkish and melodramatic, but it made me cry. Twice. I don't cry in movies. Ever. But War Horse made me do it. From the music, to the cinematography, to just everything about it, it's one of the most beautiful and touching films I've ever seen. It's also one of Spielberg's best.

1. The Tree of Life

My favorite film of the year (and inversely, my fiance's most hated film of the year) is probably one of the most polarizing films you'll ever see. You either love it to death, or you think it's one of the worst films you've ever seen. I pick the former. It's beautiful beyond measure and it captivated me to the very last frame. It's the only film I've ever seen where the plot was not as important as the visuals passing by. It's like a dream, a meandering, but focused, dream. The best film of the year, no question. Hell, one of the best films ever in my opinion. A masterpiece.

My Top Ten Favorite Steven Spielberg Films

2011-12-25T17:50:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: forbes.com)

So, I was going to make a, "My Top Ten Favorite Movies of 2011" list. But since I didn't see The Artist, The Descendents or Melancholia yet, I thought I'd hold off on that. But I DID see War Horse today, and I seriously fell in love with it. So, it got me thinking about my top ten favorite Spielberg movies and...well, here they are. Now, before you even wonder, I don't like E.T., Jaws, or Close Encounters of the Third Kind, so those blockbusters are not on this list. But some other great ones are. So take a look. Some of your favorites are probably on here, too. Read.

10. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence

I know a lot of people hate this movie, but it holds a special place in my heart. It's a highly imperfect film, but it reaches greatness at times, especially in the first act, which showed great potential (And was actually inspired by Stanley Kubrick's vision, as it was his dream project before he died). The ending is typical Spielberg slop, but the beginning and middle are great. A top notch film with a crummy conclusion. I'll take it.

9. The Color Purple

Nowhere near as good (or as graphic) as the book, but very memorable, The Color Purple, along with Amistad and Empire of the Sun, is one of those movies where you actually forget Spielberg directed it until you look it up on imdb. It has a lot of great scenes and some hilarious lines along with the excellent drama. It's an overall enjoyable picture and definitely one of my faves by the man. No question.

8. Catch Me if You Can

Catch Me If You Can is a crowd-pleaser, which is what Spielberg is always best at. It's a quick-paced story about Leo D as a liar, and Tom Hanks trying to catch him. It's energetic, it's fun, and it's entertaining, and I love it. It's one of his better later films in Spielberg's indelible career.

7. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

I know Raiders of the Lost Ark is the better picture, but I just love The Temple of Doom more. The heart scene, the bridge scene, the tube raft on the snow scene, just everything about it is more memorable to the kid in me than Raiders. I can't get enough of it. It even helped create the PG-13 rating. It doesn't get much better than that. It really doesn't.

6. The Terminal

Okay, if I haven't lost credibility yet with this list, I'm sure I have now. Putting The Terminal on this list and not Jaws? I'm crazy, right? Well, yes, but I still like this picture better. The whole movie takes place in an airport and has Tom Hanks kind of sounding like Borat. But you know what, it's entertaining as all hell and has great pacing, which is more than I can say for Jaws, which is incredibly slow. It's not the best film Spielberg has ever done, but it fits nicely in his filmography as a film of his that you may have forgotten about. It's a really great picture if you don't remember it. Watch it again and see what I mean.

5. Saving Private Ryan

Saving Private Ryan was never as good as people made it out to be, as it falls apart after that startling opening scene. But let me tell you, that opening scene is SO amazing, that it has to put this movie on this list, as it's probably the greatest single piece of film Spielberg has ever done. War has NEVER been as scary or as graphic as it was in that opening scene. It's just incredible. Top notch work from a truly prolific director.

4. War Horse

Maybe I have to let it sink in more or watch it again, but War Horse just blew me away when I saw it today. I've only cried watching one other movie (Spirited Away, believe it or not), but I cried watching War Horse. Twice, even. It really got to me. Hell, even the trailer could make you weep. It's mawkish as all hell, sure, but it's also beautiful and touching. I loved it.

3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

So, yeah, I love The Temple of Doom, but I love Last Crusade even more. Everything about it is just more epic. Sean Connery is great as Indy's dad, River Phoenix falling in a pit of snakes as young Indy is vintage, and that final scene of, "Jesus was a carpenter," is legendary. The best film in the trilogy (And yes, that's right, I'm not including Crystal Skull in the series. Aren't we all better for it?).

2. Jurassic Park

The wonder and scope of this picture is just insane. The book was incredible, the movie is incredible, and the dinosaurs were just amazing. Not only at the time, but even still today. They look great. And Newman from Seinfeld is brilliant. One of Spielberg's very best films, but not the best. That award goes to...

1. Schindler's List

Schindler's List is the only picture Spielberg ever won best picture and best director for, and it was the only picture he deserved it for. Schindler's List is such a deeply personal, horrific and even beautiful film that it shall always go down as the greatest movie the man has ever done. It's a masterpiece. It's HIS masterpiece. Nothing even comes close.

I Hate Hipsters

2011-12-24T04:49:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: die-hipster-die.blogspot.com)

I detest hipsters. They deserve knuckle-sandwiches and swirlies by burly men wearing varsity jackets. Now, I'm not a hateful man. I'm really not. But there's just something about hipsters that I loathe. It was hard narrowing it down to three generalities, but I have and they're below. Read on.

The Look

(Image taken from: insurgencyinc.com)

Tight ass pants (Possibly even jeggings). Black glasses. A silly looking hat (Possibly a douchey fadora), maybe even a scarf when it's below 50 degrees. An annoying, anti-manly, mustache (For the dudes). For a group of people who claim to be so creative, you sure do seem to fall in line when it comes to wearing a uniform. Weak.

Music preference

(Image taken from: threeoh.wordpress.com)

Okay, so I may be a music snob myself, but I never flaunt it like a badge of honor. Hipsters seem to revel in the fact that the band you like can't compare to the obscure band they like. And that whatever their favorite band is, their first album was better than...their first album. Hipsters are annoying like that. Bleh.

Their Outlook on Life

(Image taken from: stmz.blogspot.com)

Hipsters seem to think, or at least the ones I've talked to, that they're smarter than you. They shrug off important details and are very quiet until an issue they're passionate about comes up, and then, they light up and disavow any opinion you might have with a smug look. They do this because they obviously understand something that you don't and know what they're talking about...because they're experts on everything. The word hipster is pretty much a synonym for douchebag.

In closing

I know that not ALL hipsters are like this. Generalizing an entire group is just as bad as racism. And I must admit, when they're not giving you that look of theirs or their penises aren't poking out through their tight ass pants, they usually have a cheerful attitude about them. As least the females do. Still, whenever I see one, I just want to spit on the floor. Hipsters, chill with that shit. It's annoying as hell. Go away.

The 25 Best Fan-Created Video Game Art

2011-12-23T04:23:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

I had to really scour the internet, but I think I've found the greatest fan made video game art the world has to offer. Check it out here.

The Top Ten Greatest Actors' voices of all time

2011-12-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

You know what makes a great actor's voice? When you can shut your eyes, nod, and say, "Damn. That guy is one awesome/unique Mr Falcon." Here are the top ten greatest.

(Image taken from: nndb.com)

10. Keith David

Who you say? Come on, man, you know him. You just don't recognize the name.

Goliath?...From Gargoyles? Yeah, I told you you knew him. He was also in They Live, kicking the crap out of Rowdy Roddy Piper and arguing about not wearing "the sunglasses." So smooth. So badass. So Keith David.

(Image taken from: collider.com)

9. Al Pacino

Manic, violent, guttural, Al Pacino sounds like he was born in the gutter, and it always suited his roles perfectly. Except when he was playing a blind alcoholic. That was kind of weird. And oh yeah, Elaine from Seinfeld does a great impression.

8. Jack Nicholson

(Image taken from: telegraph.co.uk)

Though Jack Nicholson and Christian Slater pretty much have the exact same voice.

I'm going to go with Jack on this one, since he's the originator and not a piece of shit like Christian SLater. His work in The Shining was made all the better with that throaty, manic voice of his. Nobody threatens their wife with a baseball bat like Jack Nicholson. Nobody.

7. John Wayne

(Image taken from: daylife.com)

Contrary to popular belief, the Duke DIDN'T always say "Pilgrim" at the end of every sentence. But it seems like he would, right? John Wayne, in a nutshell, is pretty much the embodiment of pure testosterone. That's why he's awesome, and that's why he's on this list. Pilgrim.

6. Bruce Campbell

(Image taken from: toplessrobot.com)

Smarmy, douchie, manly, Bruce Campbell is all these things. The only man who could make "Groovy," sound like the coolest word in the world, Bruce Campbell has one of the greatest voices (and chins) ever. Hail to the king, baby.

5. Samuel L. Jackson

(Image taken from: Vibe.com)

The master of motherf**ker, Samuel L Jackson has played everything from a Jedi to Martin Luther King Jr. And while the line, "I have a dream, motherf**ker," (Shout out to Vince!) isn't in the play, would it sound so wrong coming out of his mouth? F**k no, motherf**ker.

4. Martin Sheen

(Image taken from: en.wikipedia.org)

Martin Sheen's voice is like a cross between burning metal and a tortured soul, looking back on its life. His voice made Apocalypse Now a better film, and it made The West Wing a better show. Hell, it's even great in Pepsi ads. Take a listen below. Yeah...Martin Sheen is the shit.

3. James Earl Jones

(Image taken from: heartcelebs.com)

Darth. Freaking. Vader. That is all.

2. Orson Welles

Orson Welles sounded crazy ever since Citizen Kane, but his greatest role is probably as Unicron, the transformer devourer. Best...villain...ever. No lie. Dig that sinister voice.

1. Clint Eastwood

(Image taken from: dmarge.com)

By far, the greatest, manliest, raspiest, coolest, most badass voice EVER though is clint Eastwood. One word out of his mouth and you KNOW shit is going down. The man is a legend with a capital L. Best believe it.

The 10 Worst Fighting Games

2011-12-22T12:10:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

It's been a long time (a long time), I shouldn'ta left you. Without a dope article to step to. So, um, here it is. The top ten worst fighting games ever. Check it out.

10 Movies We Want To See Made Into Games

2011-12-02T15:02:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from Complex-mag.com)

Here's my latest article. It's about movies that should be made into video games. Check it out.

Portable Plumber: The Complete History of Mario in Handheld Games

2011-11-28T13:15:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's an extensive piece on every handheld Mario game ever made. Check it out here.

Review: Fishing Resort [Wii]

2011-11-27T16:32:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from gamesradar.com)

Honestly, when was the last time you played your Wii? Five months ago? Six? A whole year ago? Honestly, the line-up for the Wii has been pathetic at best and a rollicking train wreck at worst. In fact, it’s probably been even WORSE than a rollicking train wreck. Seriously, the Wii has gone downhill beyond measure. Sure, the new Legend of Zelda might make you whip it out of the closet pretty soon, but as far as third-party support is concerned, it’s basically nonexistent.

But not TOTALLY nonexistent, as made evident by Yuji Naka’s latest game, Fishing Resort for the Wii. Now I know. Fishing? Who the hell wants to play that? Well, I agree, I sure as hell don’t. But I’m not the audience for a fishing game anyway. To me, I think fishing games are about as exciting to playing golf on the PS3. In other words, I couldn’t give a crap about it.

That said, I do know that fishing games DO have an audience, even if it’s limited, and as far as that’s concerned, Fishing Resort isn’t a bad game. Yuji Naka, the creator of Sonic the Hedgehog, has managed to make a fishing game that’s at the very least enjoyable. By adding objectives and contests in the game to participate in, as well as the ability to go around your resort and talk to people, this fishing game adds a bit of flair to something that could have been a lot more mundane.

People who dig fishing games will like the added immersion of going around a resort as if this were an actual vacation. Catching fish can only take you so far, but Mr. Naka has managed to make it somewhat tolerable by giving diverse environments to go fishing in as well as the ability to ride on boats. I can’t say that this is the kind of game that will resurrect the Wii from the ashes, but it’s an enjoyable, even relaxing experience nonetheless. Catching fish is easy—you just swing your Wiimote at fish and lure them in by twirling the nunchucku. But there’s strategy involved to catching the heavier fish, and you can trade your points in and get better lures. It’s fun.

Overall, if you like fishing games and have a Wii, you might enjoy this game. If you don’t like fishing games, then you won’t give a crap about it. But you already knew that, right? Give it a try if you’re bored of the Wii’s weak lineup.

Player: 1
Platforms: Nintendo Wii
Developer: Prope
Publisher: Namco Bandai
ESRB: E
Rating: Three stars out of five

Mugshot Gallery: 10 Video Game Characters Who Deserve to Go to Jail

2011-11-22T13:34:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from Complex-mag.com)

Mega Man (And many other video game characters) deserve to be in jail. Check out my list of who here.

Review: Super Mario 3D Land Proves to Be the First Must-Have Title on the 3DS

2011-11-21T13:14:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: gamingbolt.com)

The new Super Mario Bros. on the 3DS is amazing. Seriously, it is. Check out my review of the game here.

Battle of the Beauties: Gaming's Hottest Female Character's Face Off

2011-11-19T12:03:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from complex-mag.com)

Which chick in gaming is the hottest? Check it out here.

The Top Five Oldest Looking, Yet Youngest Black Musicians Ever

2011-11-17T14:59:00.000-08:00

It's no lie. Black men, face wise, age quickly. When I was 23, people mistook me for 33. The huge, grizzly man beard didn't help my case, but still, blacks look old when they're young. That is, of course, until we hit 35, which we can look well into our 40s. It's strange. Anywho, without further ado...

(Image taken from: 24hourhiphop.com)

5. T-Pain
Real age: 26
How old he looks: 34

Back in 2006 when T-Pain first appeared on the scene with the song, "I'm F**ked Up," I immediately needed to see who sang it. And when I did, I said, "Wow, he's getting into the game pretty late at 30." He was only 19 years old at the time. Point made.

(Image taken from:

4. Wale
Real age: 27
How old he looks: 33

Wale is one year younger than me. But we look neck and neck when it comes to looking in our 30s. I always say that you have to subtract about six years when gauging how old a black dude is, and Wale is evidence of that. See?

(Image taken from: apollokidz.com)

3. Ol' Dirty Bastard
Real age (At death): 35
How old he looked entire career: 35

'Ol Dirty Bastard is RIGHT. When did this guy EVER look young? Sure, it could be the coke that did it to him, but...yeah, it was probably the coke. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

(Image taken from: last.fm)

2. Jimi Hendrix
Real Age (At death): 27
How old he looked: 40

There's no question, Jimi Hendrix was a rock god. But he was also damned young when he died. He was even younger than me! That said, he looked like he'd been playing geetar for over 20 years. Next to Kurt Cobain, he was the oldest looking 27 year old EVER. Alcohol is a hell of a drug.

(Image taken from: fanpix.net)

1. The Notorious B.I.G.
Real age (At death): 24
How old he looked: 44

Maybe it was the heavy eyelids, maybe it was the deep voice, or maybe it was just the everyday struggle lyrics, but B.I.G. looked mad old by the time he died. Amazingly, he was the youngest person on this list. Damn...

I Have No Time to Read, Like, At All

2011-11-16T17:08:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from en.wikipeida.org)

I just recently got two MORE books in the mail that I've ordered and have no time to read. Both of them are by Richard Adams and both of them are not Watership Down. One of them is called Shardik, which is actually a character in Stephen King's Dark Tower series, and the other is The Plague Dogs, which was the saddest cartoon movie I've ever seen in my entire life. On my reading list, these books are way behind Foundation and Empire, a Kurt Vonnegut book of short stories, and We The Living, which I have STILL haven't finished yet. Oh, brother. When will I have the time?

The 10 Greatest Cheat Codes in Gaming History

2011-11-16T14:21:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from Complex-mag.com)

You want cheat codes? I got 'em. Check out my latest article here.

Mario in Times Square

2011-11-15T13:27:00.000-08:00

Here are pics of the big Nintendo event in Times Square. Check it out here.

Review: Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3

2011-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: g4tv.com)

Here's my review of Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3. Enjoy.

A Pixelated History: "Call of Duty" From Inception to Modern Warefare 3

2011-11-08T12:49:00.000-08:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's my CoD history article. It goes from the first Call of Duty to Modern Warfare 3. Check it out here.

The 12 Most Memorable Appearances of Chainsaws in Video Games

2011-10-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's my chainsaw article for Complex. Splatterhouse, Zombies Are My Neighbors, Manhunt, all the good stuff. Check it out.

The Top Fifteen Greatest YouTube Videos Of All Time

2011-10-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: inviotraffico.com)

After unlimited porn, Google, and Facebook (In that order), the next greatest thing the internet has ever provided us humans is YouTube. Whether the videos were uploaded by ordinary Americans or were found from around the world, YouTube has provided us with countless hours of enjoyment. Here are the top fifteen best videos from the user-friendly site. Enjoy.

15. Friday

The true definition of a Youtube "star." Rebecca Black proved to the world that something can be SO awful, that it's actually enjoyable. And here's the proof.

14. Best Freak Out Ever

Is there anything better than a nerd so upset that he lost everything from his WOW account that he tries to stick a remote up his ass? Nope.

13. Leprechaun in the hood

If you can't tell from the picture above, I'm a black dude. Still, I can't help but laugh at the ignorance of this one black community in Alabama that is convinced they saw a leprechaun in their neighborhood. The best is the sketch of this said leprechaun. That could have been a cleaned up version of Bushwick Bill they saw, hiding up in a tree.

12. Honey Badger

Is "Randall" gay? Is he straight and just pretending to be gay? I don't know. But I do know this. Whoever this "Randall" guy is, he's funny. Narrating something from National Geographic and revealing just how badass the honey badger really is, Randall gives a play by play ("'Whoa! Watch out!'" says that bird")of the most "fearless" animal in the world. Seriously, watch out.

11. My New Haircut

Dripping with truth is this video about a nobody getting a new, Guido haircut, and becoming a somebody. What's so great about this vid is that it actually predates The Jersey Shore and it's about 100 times funnier than it. PROTEIIIN! Muscle MIILLLK!

10. Tunak Tunak

Daler Mehndi is no joke. I actually had my best friend, who's Indian, buy me his greatest hits album. And I dug it! It's cheerful and fun. That said, this video is just bananas. It has really awful special effects that look like lost footage from Mortal Kombat Annihilation. Which is why it's awesome.

9. Zombie Kid Really Likes Turtles

This video is just classic. Here you have this kid, probably thinking about watching cartoons later, when this reporter comes out of nowhere and asks him a question about his makeup. And he says the first thing that's on his mind, which is his affinity toward turtles. The best part is watching the reporter trying not to laugh her ass off about how dumb this kid is. But hey, I like turtles, too!

8. Fat Girl Falls Off Table

This video is like an Alfred Hitchcock movie with all the suspense involved. You know no good can come from a girl that big standing on a table that small. And the whole time, you're just WAITING for that table to bust in two. Unfortunately, it doesn't. Her weight distribution to the front of the table makes it flip over. But the fall itself is satisfying enough. I especially love her rolling around on the floor and cursing. Serves you right, babe.

7. Double Rainbow

You know, I never even thought about how awesome double rainbows were until I watched this video, but yeah, they're pretty rad. Not so rad that I start crying and screaming to the heavens, but yup, pretty rad, indeed. Double rainbow all the way!

6. Unmasked Power Rangers Perform a Song Called Moscau

No, they're not Power Rangers. They're a group called Dschinghis Khan. But that still doesn't steal from the greatness of this video that proves that music around the world is much more interesting than anything we have over here. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Moscow, Moscow, Vildy is the Andyman, Roshland is the Shirlistan. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Hey!

5. Justin Wong vs. Daigo at Evo 2004

Justin Wong's Chun-Li is beastly in Street Fighter 3, and he really had Daigo's Ken on the run. But then, IT happened. Describing the event really doesn't do it justice. You just have to see it to love it. Those parries to Chun-Li's lightning kicks are astounding and I get chills every time I watch them and hear the rising crescendo of the crowd. But I guess you have to had play the game to really appreciate this clip.

4. Spaghetti Cat

Joel McHale describes this random clip perfectly. I'll let him do the talking. Watch it if you haven't seen it already.

3. It's Just like, It's Just like, a Mini MAUL!

"Living rooms, bedrooms, dinettes, oh, yeah!" Seriously, if this guy was singing this song outside of a store and I was just passing by, I would TOTALLY step inside. Best. Marketing. Ever.

2. Guy in Bear Suit Walks on the Beach After a Hurricane

Now here is a video that shows just why I love YouTube. No other site can truly capture the craziness that happens around the world like this site, and this video is evidence of that. You know that somebody saw this on TV, couldn't stop laughing, and posted it on the site immediately for the rest of the world to enjoy. Ah, the beauty of YouTube.

1. Indians Having a Good Time

Sure, it's not "Charlie Bit My Finger," Or, "Hide your kids, hide your wife" or any of the other videos you were expecting at the number one spot, but out of all the videos I've ever seen on YouTube, this is my absolute favorite. It was the actual inspiration for this list. As mentioned in my number two, YouTube is all about capturing something on film, and letting the world see it. And nothing is more unbelievable and hilarious than this clip of a bunch of Indian guys (With one in particular) just having a good time. There are actually lots of versions of this clip, but this is my favorite, as the idea of going nuts over a techno version of "Baby" by Justin Beiber, just makes me happy inside. So yep, the best video on YouTube of all time. Enjoy it.

[Comic-Con] 5 Things We Loved, and 5 Things We Hated

2011-10-17T03:10:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

My final thoughts on NYCC. Check it out here.

[Comic-Con] Impressions: Hands-on Playtime with Prototype 2 Reveals A Significant Improvement In the Franchise

2011-10-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

(image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Prototype 2 looks amazing.

[Comic-Con] Some Good News and Some Bad News for the Nintendo 3DS

2011-10-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

The 3DS could be in trouble.

[Comic-Con] An Extensive Gallery Of Cosplayer Photos

2011-10-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

Take a peek at these pics I took at Comic Con.

[Comic-Con] Turtle Beach Headsets Give Ear Orgasms

2011-10-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

I got to try out these new headsets from Turtle Beach at Comic-Con. They were great. Check out the article here.

[Comic-Con] "Sonic Generations" Gives Us a Reason to Love Sonic Again/Forgive SEGA for Past Atrocities

2011-10-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Though it doesn't have my name on it, it's still my baby. Check it out here.

[Comic-Con] The Choices In Spider-Man: Edge Of Time and X-Men: Destiny

2011-10-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Another article. Check it out here.

[Comic-Con] Interview: Producer Ryota Niitsuma Explains What's New In "Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3"

2011-10-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Check out the interview here.

[Comic-Con] Director Toriyama and Producer Kitase Site Chrono Trigger As An Influence To Final Fantasy XIII-2

2011-10-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

More news out of NYCC. This time on Final Fantasy XIII-2. Check it out here.

Comic-Con: Ono-san interview

2011-10-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

Lots of news out of Comic-Con. Here's an interview I did with the producer of Street Fighter X Tekken, Yoshinori Ono. Check it out here.

News From Comic-Con about Street Fighter X Tekken

2011-10-15T19:38:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Find it here.

Check out Jooble-us.com

2011-10-15T03:33:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: all-linkpartners.frankrijkninfo.com)

Yesterday, I saw somebody who read my blog, liked it, and thought to write me a nice email about it. That was kind of them. They actually work for a company called, Jooble-us.com, and since I'm all for helping fans out, I thought I'd do the guy a solid and shout out his company. So go check it out. It's a place to look for jobs and it seems to have a nice, clean look and search engine. And before any of you frequent readers shout, "Sell out!" Dude, I don't even get paid for this blog. Do you SEE any Full Sail ads floating around on the page?

So, yeah, check it out.

The Top 25 Handheld Games of All Time

2011-10-14T18:28:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from Complex-mag.com)

Here's another top 25 list of mine that made it onto Complex. Give it a gander, won't ya?

The Top 5 Songs About Faith/The Top 5 Songs About Atheism

2011-10-12T18:01:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: guitarmusictheory.blogspot.com)

Religion.

And

Music.

I can find a plethora of reasons why the two should be kept separate like church and state. That said, there are definitely great, catchy songs in both categories, and these are the top 5 in each. Please say a prayer for me for making this list.

Songs about Faith

These are popular songs about God. Not Christian or gospel music, because both of those genres suck. No, I'm talking popular, catchy songs about and featuring the Big Dude upstairs. Amen.

5. "Put Your Hand in the Hand" by Ocean

This hippy dippy love song about God is very upbeat and has a highly positive message about faith. Your Sunday school teacher would approve.

4. "One of Us" by Joan Osbourne

This hugely popular song about God riding next to you on the bus (Possibly with an iPod) got a lot of people singing about the Lord again. Even if they were atheists. Just because it was so damn catchy.

3. "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West

Though liking Kanye is blasphemous in itself since he's so awful, this song about rising up in the name of Christ had a pretty thumping beat and message at the time. And even though a lot of the song's message is deflated when he starts talking about "eating pieces of shit," it still had people in the club shouting, "Jesus walks!" over and over again, so that's good.

2. "Jesus is Just Alright With Me" by the Doobie Brothers

While the Doob's weren't the first to do this song, the Doob's slammed it home. God never sounded so good on the radio.

1. "God Gave Rock and Roll to You" by Kiss

Sure, I could have shouted out Bill and Ted on this one. But to think that the man who created the devil horns (Come on, give it to Gene Simmons), also was in the same group that performed the most ultimate song about God ever. Sure, Argent did it first, but Kiss' version is so much better. It's glorious.

Top Five Songs About Atheism

Songs about the absence of faith are often just as compelling as songs about the belief in faith, especially since most of these songs were actually pretty popular. Does that mean that people supported Atheism when they popped these in their tape decks? Hmm...the world may never admit it.

5. "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel

So upbeat, so happy, and so atheistic. Just listen to the lyrics. Man's a non-believer.

4. "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.

The absence of faith is right there in the title. But it's so good that even true believers would sing it at their concerts. That's just the power of R.E.M.

3."The Only Way (Hymn)" by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer

It's a complex song musically, with a not so complex message. Religion is deceptive. Says, ELP.

2. "Dear, God" by XTC

XTC may not be the most popular group in the world, but this song drew a lot of attention when it was first released, mostly because if its ANGRY message about the absence of God in our lives. Of all the songs that could draw outrage and be popular at the same time, this might be it.

1. "Imagine" by John Lennon

This might be one of the most fascinating songs on this list, only because I think its message of a life without religion being a better life is often forgotten, even though it's the MAIN message of the song. I mean, jeez, it was even sung on American Idol, making it the greatest song about Atheism of all time.

Review: Solatorobo: Red the Hunter [Nintendo DS]

2011-10-09T14:28:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Cinemablend.com)

The game starts off really slow, but it grows on you. Check out my review for the game here.

Proof That a Skynet Takeover is Still a Ways Off: 25 Instances of Terrible Video Game AI

2011-10-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

I seriously never thought this article was going to be published. Check it out here.

The Top Five Weirdest Films I've Ever Seen

2011-10-01T19:56:00.000-07:00

What makes a weird movie for me? Well, I usually have a quotient of about five WTF per film. If a movie goes over that for me, then it's weird. And here are five of the weirdest I've ever seen.

(Image taken from: moviemobsters.com)

5. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Terry Gilliam's entire career has pretty much been WTF. (I mean, have you ever SEEN The Adventures of Baron Munchausen?) But Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas goes on this list simply because I can't believe it's even a movie. I also can't believe that people have actually seen it. A large portion of the film is just Johnny Depp making weird noises and flicking his fingers while narrating over it. And the other portion of the film is Benicio Del Toro waving a knife around while he sticks out his gut. So, um...yeah. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the movie. But I also love eating ice cream in my underwear while sitting on the toilet. Make of that as you will.

4. Barton Fink

(Image taken from: tvtropes.org)

Barton Fink is so weird because I honesty have no idea what to categorize it as. It's seriously uncategorizeable. John Turturro has writer's block and then it goes someplace else that I'm not quite sure. The most notable, WTF moment of the movie for me is when John Goodman shouts "I'll show you the life of the mind!" while holding a shotgun and running down a hallway while flames shoot out behind him. I'm dead serious that happens in the movie. That's actually in this film...this film about writer's block.

3. Zardoz

(Image taken from: bluemoviereviews.wordpress.com)

I've talked about Zardoz plenty of times on this blog, but seriously, how could I not? I mean, there is so much WTF going on here in this film that it's art. What other film features a giant, floating head barfing out guns, or has Sean Connery licking some dude's hand like a cat? Only one film, and that film is Zardoz.

2. Gozu

(Image taken from: horror-extreme.com)

You might be surprised that there are no David Lynch films on this list. Well, Gozu is so weird that it makes up for the absence of all of Lynch's films combined. Takashi Miike made a couple of very popular surreal films (Audition and Ichi Killer) that came stateside, but neither of those films matches the absurdness of this picture. It quite possibly has the greatest climax ever (A grown man being birthed by a woman...who may have been that same man) followed by the most abrupt explanation of said event ever (Something along the lines of, they gave the woman a bath and she was fine). There's also a lactating woman who bottles her own nutrients and a man in a giant bull's head who licks this guy's face while he's in his underwear. Weird. And beautiful.

1. Tokyo Gore Police

(Image taken from: themoviedb.org)

I don't think there's a single scene in Tokyo Gore Police where I'm not saying WTF. Did I like it? Well, it really depends on the day, really. But as weird as I am, I seriously can't compare anything in mind to what is shown in this movie. I mean, just watch this scene below, please, and then tell me if anything in your DREAMS is even as crazy as this? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Breaking Bad Is Seriously the Greatest Show Ever Made

2011-09-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: entertainmentwallpaper.com)

I've said it at least over a 100 times in conversation and on Facebook, but I have to get it all out there in a blog post. Breaking Bad is simply the greatest show ever made. And I've seen a lot of great shows, drama and comedy alike.

Many would argue that The Wire or The Sopranos or even Mad Men are the greatest shows to ever grace TV. And while I've never seen more than five episodes of Mad Men (More because I haven't gotten the time, not because of the quality of the show), I can say that I have seen the entirety of The Wire and The Sopranos and I still stand by my decision--Neither can touch BB.

The main reason for this is not so simple. While yes, Bryan Cranston is certainly the most captivating actor on television now and possibly ever, it's not just him that makes the show great. For a show like The Sopranos, yeah sure, it could be said that the main character carries the whole thing. I remember when there was actually speculation that Tony might be killed on the show. Well, if that ever happened, then the show would have gone right down the terlet. The other characters were enjoyable, but none of them had the nuances or the depth that Tony Soprano had. I mean, who would have led the show if he had died? This guy?

(Image taken from: thesopranosblog.com)

Yeah, right. Great show, but without Tony, it would have been lost. As for The Wire, well, I think that was a great case study for the streets and everything that functions around them. Don't get me wrong, each season of the show was unique and brought something thought provoking and entrancing to television like no other show has before it or since. And if you were to ask me the second greatest show to ever be on TV, I'd definitely say The Wire.

(Image taken from: em.wikipedia.org)

It shined a direct light on a city with problems and didn't give any solutions whatsoever. It was real, man. Damn real. And excellent, too. But for me, the city of Baltimore, which was the REAL main character, just wasn't as gripping as even a SINGLE character on BB, where every single moment of screen time for anybody is meaningful and will impact the show at a later date.

I mean, just look at the character arc of Gus this season. The show may still center around Walt, but this is the season of Gus, no question.

(Image taken from: blogs.amctv.com)

If Gus were to die, I think that would leave a huge gaping hole in the show like no other program on television before it. In most shows, characters are expendable. Just look at Omar in The Wire. Sure, it was toward the end of the series run when he died (And oh, spoiler alert). But while his death was shocking, by the end of the episode, you were over it. This is again because the show was more about the streets and the cyclical nature of it, i.e., While Omar may be gone, another rogue gangster will take his place in the future with Michael (The one who killed Snoop in the car). Again, I applaud The Wire's deep approach to the streets, but with BB, well, EVERYBODY means something to the show.

In all truths, BB is not a particularly deep show, but it's entertaining beyond measure. Never has a show balanced comedy with searing drama before like BB has (One minute, Hank is cracking me up, and the next, Walt is making it hard not to tear up when he misses his own son's birthday and calls him a different name when he comes over to see if he's okay).

No other show has pacing like BB. No other show has characters like BB, and no other show is quite simply, as fun to watch as BB. I mean, just watch this intro to one of its best episodes.

What show STARTS an episode like that? I cannot miss a single second of a single episode because I might miss something like that at the start of it. The only thing BB has going against it is that it's still on the air. A lot can happen that can make me change my mind about the show if it has an awful conclusion to it (Like Walt dies of cancer or Jesse kills Walt). But BB has been anything but predictable or boring. I have faith in the show and look forward to its ending so I CAN say with confidence (And with Alan Sepinwall's agreement) that it's the greatest show that ever was on TV. Now, if only more people would watch it. From the beginning, of course. Did I mention Walt is a different character completely in every single season? What growth! What storytelling.

My Top Five Favorite OMG, WTF moments in Movies

2011-09-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: 4freaks.com)

Drive is freaking incredible, man. If you haven't seen it yet, then we're no longer friends, because it's definitely one of the best movies I've seen all year. Bryan Cranston's in it. Nuff said.

Even so, besides the great story, beautiful cinematography, and slammin' soundtrack, one of the best things about it is how startling and violent it is, with there being many OMG, WTF moments in it. It got me to thinking about some other great, OMG, WTF moments in movies. Here are my top five.

5. Pulp Fiction's casual conversation leads to face blown in

A conversation about God in a moving car turns really messy when John Travolta, turned around in his seat while holding a gun, fires his gun by accident when Samuel L. Jackson hits a pothole. This is very much a, OMG, WTF moment because you would never see it coming, even with Travolta holding the gun. I remember actually saying, WHAT THE F**K when I first saw this scene in my house because I didn't initially know what even happened when all the blood splattered. One of the very best.

4. Harold and Kumar's, "Is this your special bush?"

I don't know if I've ever laughed harder at a scene in a movie. Kal Penn is pissing at a bush, and out of nowhere, Jamie Kennedy walks out and starts peeing at the same bush, only to get mad at Penn for asking why he decided to pee there. And I don't know why, but I just find the line, "Is this your special bush?" hilarious. It's like, OMG, WTF would I do if that ever happened to me. I'd probably shit myself while I'm peeing. Now THERE'S an interesting visual.

3. Troll 2's, "There's no coffee here in Nolbog. It's the Devil's drink!"

The whole movie of Troll 2 is one big, OMG, WTF am I watching? But this one scene in particular just makes me laugh and drag my hand down my face. Some guy who looks like Don Imus (Says the Rifftrax guys, and they're right), comes out of a curtain and assaults a young man who just chomped on a green (!) sandwich, by not giving him coffee because it's, "The devil's drink." Okay, WTF? Since when? Even better is when the teen asks for eggs and the guy goes, "EHHHH!" in disgust. Oh, Troll 2, I could watch you every day and never grow tired of you.

2. The Usual Suspect's, "Verbal" Kint was Keyser Soze all along

I STILL get chills thinking about that end scene in The Usual Suspects when Kevin Spacey loses the limp and we find out that the cops had their suspect the whole time and didn't even know it. This is one of the best OMG, WTF moments in cinema history because it literally happens in the last four minutes of the film. I actually SCREAMED, WHAT THE F**K at the end of this movie before WTF was even popular. This scene definitely warranted it.

1. Cabin Fever's, PAAAANCAAAAAKKKKKEEES!!!"

In an already weird movie, some blond kid, out of nowhere, screams pancakes at a man. He then, again out of nowhere, does a jump kick off the porch he's on and martial arts moves before he bites said man's hand. If that's not a OMG, WTF moment, then that term shouldn't even exist at all. And while I'd love to embed the clip below for you, it's impossible upon request, so here's the link

And a rendition of it below. Enjoy!

The Top Ten Best Commercials For Toys and Board Games from My Childhood

2011-09-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

Self-explanatory list, so let's get to it!

10. Skip-It

Pfft. Skip-It is for girls.

(Image taken from: retrojunk.com)

See?

But because of this very catchy commercial, even I wanted one. Alas, I never got a "counter on this ball."

9. Sock 'Em Boppers

What's more fun that a pillow fight? Nothing. Except Sock 'Em Boppers, which is why they're number 9 on this list.

8. Creepy Crawlers

"You creepin'?"
"Oh, I'm so creepin' and crawlin'"
Best. Dialogue. Ever.

7. Trouble

It is fun getting into trouble. With your parents. But not with the law. That's not fun at all.

6. Hungry, Hungry Hippos

I used to sing this song before dinner when I was a kid. I was also morbidly obese and could fit into my dad's pants at 10. Good times.

5. Guess Who

(image taken from: joeydevilla.com)

This game would actually been higher on the list if the cards actually talked.

4. Don't Wake Daddy

I love the face daddy makes when he gets up. He looks like he's having a night terror. Or that he just jizzed the bed. Again.

3. Pogs

I love that there's a "federation" for Pogs. Pogs...Oh, man. I miss those.

2. Talkboy

"Haaaaiiii, kiiiids. We're home eaaaarly." Seriously, need I say more?

1. Crossfire

Was there ever even a question what number one would be? Screw the best commercials for toys and board games, best commercial EVER! Crossfiyyaaaaa!!!!!

Which Buffet is Better? Pizza Hut Buffet, Or CiCi's?

2011-09-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

This?

(Image taken from: scaddistrict.com)

Or This?

(Image taken from: blogs.pioneerlocal.com)

There's no denying it...I'm a fat boy. And as a fat boy, I love buffets. I also love pizza. So you KNOW I love pizza buffets. But which is better? Cici's, or Pizza Hut Buffet? Let's Find out.

The Selection

(Image taken from: pizzahutblog.com)

Let's face it, Pizza Hut's product is better than CiCi's. CiCi's pizza tastes like it's a day old even when it's just put it out. But Pizza Hut's slices are sublime. That said, can I get a macaroni slice at P-Hut? No, sir. How about a buffalo chicken slice? No, madam. Hell, even the apple pizza that P-Hut used to put out for desset isn't even there anymore. Point goes to CiCi's.

The Quality

As I mentioned earlier, CiCi's pizza tastes like somebody coughed on it last night and put it out this morning, while Pizza Hut's food tastes fresh. Heck, you can even see some poor, sweating fat guy in the back making it while you wait impatiently. Point goes to Pizza Hut

The Ambiance

Being that CiCi's is ALWAYS a buffet while P-Hut is only a buffet from about 11:30 PM to 2:00 PM, you would think CiCi's has the advantage, but no, CiCi's ambiance sucks. It looks cheap and I feel like it belongs in a Walmart. Sure, P-Hut is mad dark and you sometimes feel like you're in a dungeon, but CiCi's is just too bright and reveals too much of its ugliness. Point goes to Pizza Hut.

(Image taken from: getwaiters.com)

The Wait Staff

The waiters at Pizza Hut are pretty good. They come by frequently and fill your diet soda for you. But you know what sucks? You have to tip them. Yeah, I know. It's really hard parting with those two dollars. But at CiCi's, you don't have to tip anybody. You have to get up your damn self and fill your own drinks. Since I'm fat and not morbidly obese and don't mind getting up, I'm going to give this one to CiCi's. Though, if you ARE morbidly obese, then you might prefer the service of sitting down longer. Point goes to CiCi's.

The Price

Both P-Hut and CiCi's are ridiculously cheap, and since you get a wide selection at both, I'm going to have to give this a draw. Points go to both CiCi's and Pizza Hut.

The Desserts

P-Hut Buffet once owned this category with their apple and berry pizza. But with those gone, all you can get now are Cinnastix (And they don't even come with "glaze" as my friend once called them). CiCi's desserts aren't much better, being that they're a brownie and some apple crap, but it's still two to one, and two is better than one, right? Point goes to CiCi's.

The Verdict:

I can't believe I'm saying this, but CiCi's Pizza is better than P-Hut Buffet. Being an immense fan of P-Hut for all these years, I'm actually kind of shocked. If P-Hut served their famous stuffed crust pizza in their buffet, P-Hut might have taken it. But they don't, and CiCi's has Macaroni slices, so they're the winner. To celebrate, enjoy this video from the Fat Boys. It's good for what ails ya.

Ostriches Not Being in Season to be Made into Burgers is Bulls**t

2011-08-30T19:00:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: capitalspice.blog.com)

Maaaan, listen. Ostrich burgers are the shit. If you don't like them, then you don't like your tongue, because ostrich burgers are amazing. And they're healthy for you, too. And by healthy, I mean healthy in the sense that they're better for you than plugging your veins to a vat of grease and having it sent directly to your heart, i.e. Micky D's. I mean, ostrich burgers are still burgers, after all, so they're not THAT good for you. But they taste good. That can't be denied.

Oh, and speaking of being denied, why was it that when I went to Fuddruckers last week, I myself was denied a delectable slab of bird on my bun? I mean, they had a picture of it, right beneath the buffalo, elk, and wild boar. In fact, this is what the sign looked like:

(Image taken from: christyxcore.posterous.com)

I mean, seriously, get inside me, ostrich. I want you. Physically. Inside of me.

But no. You know what they told me when I got to the register? They said, "We don't have ostrich right now because it's not in season, sir."

Excuse me?

Not in season? Why the hell not? Ostrich should be in season anytime I go to Fuddruckers. That's what I SHOULD have said. But instead, I said, "I'll just have the buffalo then," with my head down. It wasn't the same.

Man, I want an ostrich burger right now. I wish I was this guy. Really, I do.

Big, big fan of Words With Friends

2011-08-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: aforeignland.blogspot.com)

Hey all out there on the interweb. I'm a big, big fan of Words With Friends. If you play the game, too, find me at Arsinio Dali (Two words). Let's play.

I'm Obsessed with Morbidly Obese People

2011-08-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

If you know me, then you already know my strange love affair with the morbidly obese. And when I say morbidly obese, I mean it. I'm talking about people who you can just look at one minute, look down at your watch, and then, when you look back up again, their tongue is hanging out their mouth and you're afraid that they might have flatlined. Like this guy:

(Image taken from: channel.nationalgeographic.com)

Or this:

(Image taken from: sweaterpillows.com)

I mean, I'm no super model myself and one day, I'll probably be there, too. But for the meantime, I just don't know why, but I love them to pieces. I just want to hug them and be engulfed in their belly fat. Am I the only one who has these feelings? I know I can't be. The internet is just full of freaks. Somebody else must share my passion.

10 Games That Desperately Need a Sequel

2011-08-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Seriously, what's taking these games so long to get made? Check out the article here.

10 Games That Needed More Time in Development

2011-08-17T12:58:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's my latest article for Complex. It's about games that could have taken more time in development. Check it out.

The 10 Best Free Games For The Droid

2011-08-10T07:21:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's my latest article for Complex. If you have a Droid, check it out.

Doldrums of Summer: The 10 Best Games to Finally Get Around To

2011-08-08T10:28:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

My latest article for Complex. Check it out. It's about the best video games to get back to and play. You know you want to read it.

The Top Ten Greatest Supergroups

2011-08-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

What's a supergroup? It's when members from other bands come together to make another band that's, well, super. But, well, sometimes, it doesn't always work. Some supergroups are better left unsaid and unlistened to, while others were SO good, that you probably didn't even KNOW they were a supergroup to begin with. This list is the latter. Take a look.

(Image taken from: amazon.com)

10. The Firm

Composed of: Naz, AZ, Foxy Brown, and Nature

Believe it or not, but there were actually TWO supergroups called The Firm. This rap one, and another featuring Jimmy Page and Paul Rodgers. But I'm choosing this one, because, well, the other one kind of sucked. While they only released a single album together (Appropriately--or stupidly--titled, The Album), it had some great Dre beats and some memorable tracks on it like "Firm Biz" and "Phone Tap." I liked it.

(Image taken from: thegreat80s.com)

9. Journey

Composed of: Greg Rolie (Santana), Neal Schon (Santana), George Tickner (Frumious Bandersnatch), Ross Valory (Steve Miller Band), Prairie Prince (The Tubes)

Of course the current lineup of Journey is different from the line-up of its glory days (No Steve Perry). But they still play all the recognizable hits like "Don't Stop Believing," and "Who's Crying Now?" at their concerts. Journey is a band that pretty much WAS the 80s, and their poppy, though, entirely sentimental, concert rock still provides a lot of good times in bars with Karaoke machines around the world. Gotta love that voice.

(Image taken from: rateyourmusic.com)

8. A Perfect Circle

Composed of: Billy Howerdel, Maynard James Keenan (Tool), Josh Freese (Nine Inch Nails), James Iha (The Smashing Pumpkins), Jeordie White (Marilyn Manson)

Though they sound nothing like Tool besides the vocals, A Perfect Circle is a fine substitute for the aforementioned group with Maynard James Keenan as their frontman. Their sound is loud and more traditional rock, but their three albums together, with their last album, eMOTIVe, pretty much just being covers, were all pretty good. They're definitely listenable as their own separate band and that's why they make this list.

(Image taken from: wu-tand-corp.com)

7. The Wu-tang Clan

Composed of: The Rza, The Gza, 'Ol Dirty Bastard (RIP), Inspectah Deck, U-God, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Masta Killa, Method Man

Not a supergroup, you say? Well, not in the traditional sense. Sure, the Clan started off as a unit and THEN separated. But when they came back together again, after many of them had attained their OWN level of success, they COULD be considered a supergroup. See how that works? No? Well, who cares? "Triumph" was awesome.

(image taken from: rockhall.com)

6. Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young

Composed of: David Crosby (The Byrds), Stephen Stills (Buffalo Springfield), Graham Nash (The Hollies), Neil Young (Buffalo Springfield)

Talk about pedigree. Each member of this group has respectively been inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame. Twice. That's quite the honor. But while alone, they were great, together, they were spectacular. Making some of the smoothest (And most listenable) folk music for all ears, Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young (Though, probably more known as just CSN, since Young was on again, off again), the group is definitely more known as a composite unit than in their separate groups. They are one of the most famous, and definitely one of the best, supergroups of all time, no question.

(Image taken from: musicalstewdaily.com)

5. C.R.E.A.M

Composed of: Eric Clapton (The Yardbirds), Jack Bruce (Graham Bond Organisation), Ginger Baker (Graham Bond Organisation)

Though their music was sublime, their biggest claim to fame may be that they were probably the first supergroup ever. Eric Clapton would go on to be in about a million supergroups, but this was probably his most famous and definitely stands on its own. Classic rock stations love them, and if you listen to it regularly, then you've certainly heard all of the group's hits. They were HUGE. Seriously.

(Image taken from: last fm)

4. The Highwaymen

Composed of: Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson

Man, what a lineup. Country's biggest musicians came together for three albums, with the first one being the most noteworthy. The thought of this group alone is just mindblowing. And their songs were pretty good, too. Each member gets their time to shine. And if you like "old" country music (None of that Taylor Swift pop/country hybrid crap), then you'll enjoy this. Check it out if you've never heard of it before.

(Image taken from: starling.rinet.ru)

3. Emerson, Lake and Palmer

Composed of: Keith Emerson (The Nice), Greg Lake (King Crimson), Carl Palmer (Atomic Rooster)

All three of them were prog rock stars before this group. But they became demigods after it. Tarkus is one of the greatest progressive albums of all time and their skill together was incomparable. Definitely better as ONE group than in separate ones.

(Image taken from: swampland.com)

2. The Traveling Wilburys

Composed of: George Harrison (The Beatles), Bob Dylan, Tom Petty (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers), Jeff Lynne (Electric Light Orchestra), Roy Orbison

There has never, EVER been a supergroup with as many big names as The Traveling Wilburys. And there never will be. How could there be? A Beatle, Bob Dylan, a heartbreaker...I mean, I can't even finish. There are just too many big names. Their music was just as good as their respective units, which is beyond amazing. All great musicians by themselves, and together, in a single band. How did this happen?...

(Image taken from: sweetlyrics.com)

1. The Foo Fighters

Composed of Dave Grohl (Nirvana), Pat Smear (The Germs), Nate Mendel (Sunny Day Real Estate), William Goldsmith (Sunny Day Real Estate), Tayler Hawkins (Alanis Morissette) Chris Shiflett (No Use for a Name)

How big are The Foo Fighters? So big, that you forgot Dave Grohl was even in Nirvana. And that's pretty big. It's hard to see Grohl as anything BUT a singer, but yeah, one time long ago, he was a drummer, and for a pretty big band to boot. But you know what? The Foo Fighters have proven themselves as such a band, that ALL of the other bands the members were once in have been overshadowed by this single juggernaut, making The Foo Fighters the greatest supergroup ever. Do you disagree? Who would you say?

The Ten Best Video Games Based on Anime and Manga

2011-08-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

This is apparently a pretty popular article. Check it out here.

2011-08-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

Find the article here

(Image taken from: cinemablend.com)

Dylan Dog is a very sneaky picture on multiple levels. One way it’s sneaky, is that it’s a detective story, and there’s a whole lotta sneaking going on here. And another way it’s sneaky, is that it’s a third-rate, straight-to-DVD piece of garbage that managed to sneak its way into the theater, which is most impressive in that regard. Most impressive, indeed.

The Movie: One star out of five

How many comic book movies have YOU seen this year? All of them, you say? Nope, wrong. Sure, you might have seen Thor, Captain America, Green Lantern, and X-Men, but did you see Dylan Dog? And before you say anything, please tell that me you didn’t, because good God is it awful. It stars Brandon Routh, who’s probably better recognized as Superman (there’s another superhero for you), and it’s actually based on an Italian comic that nobody had even heard of before this movie came out. It’s about a detective who basically keeps a check on the undead, which is actually a pretty cool concept. Too bad it’s pulled off so poorly in this clunker of a film.

The story takes place in New Orleans, but why, I have no idea. In the comic, (or so Wikipedia says), Dylan’s adventures mostly take place in London, which actually fits the vibe of the story if you’re into detective movies, which Dylan Dog kind of tries to be. But if you’re going to use New Orleans as a location, then at LEAST use it effectively, sort of like how the South is used in True Blood. This movie should have played to the Big Easy’s eccentricities. But it doesn’t. It’s just a setting. What a waste.

But that’s the least of the problems with this film. The dialogue and acting is just as brain dead as the zombies in this picture. And yes, I said zombies. Dylan Dog has freaking everything ghoulish in it, and too much at the same time. It messes up the story, which is already convoluted, and makes you groan at its horrible pacing. And oh, yeah, Brandon Routh simply cannot act. Scenes where he’s supposed to be upset are performed in the same manner as when he’s not supposed to be upset, and everything’s just so wooden and stiff in this picture that it bores you to tears. No wonder he was picked for the role of Superman. It fit him.

Kurt Angle, the wrestler, also makes an appearance in this film…as a werewolf, and quite frankly, he’s the only, I guess you could call it “good,” part about this whole movie. He fights Dylan at one point, only for Dylan to wallop him in the face with some silver knuckles. And if that sounds entertaining to you, it is. But it’s the only entertaining part in the entire movie. Well, that, and when actor Taye Diggs, who plays a vampire, is lying in bed and getting burned when Dylan Dog suddenly opens the door and lets the sun in. Even though the room itself was already pretty sunny as it was. Defying vampire logic a little bit here, Mr. Dog?

Overall, there’s a reason why you didn’t see this movie in your Cineplex for long, and it’s because it sucks. It was a massive bomb and lost tons of money. It somehow made it into the theater, but it didn’t help. Still, maybe it will do better on Blu-ray, where it belonged in the first place. I hope not, though. It’s really, truly awful (if you couldn’t tell from my review). Please, just skip it. Thanks.

The Disc: One star out of five

Special features include subtitles and…wait a minute. Is that IT? Subtitles? No deleted scenes, no commentary, no added garbage tacked on to sell discs? Nothing? Wow, I’m honestly quite offended. Sure, I didn’t WANT to have to extend my viewing time with this piece of shit, and sure, I didn’t buy the Blu-ray disc, it was sent to me, but in this day and age, you expect SOMETHING with your purchase at least, even if it’s superfluous. But nothing? Nothing at all? That’s just another thorn in the side if you purchase this piece of trash. Oh well, the movie sucks, and the special features suck as well. Don’t buy this disc. It doesn’t deserve your attention.

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night [Blu-Ray] Details
Length: 108 min
Rated: PG-13/Unrated
Distributor: Freestyle Releasing
Release Date: 2011-07-26
Starring: Brandon Routh, Sam Huntington, Taye Diggs, Kurt Angle
Directed by: Kevin Munroe
Produced by: Gilbert Adler, Scott Mitchell Rosenberg
Written by: Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer
Visit the Dylan Dog: Dead of Night [Blu-Ray] Official Website

Recasting "Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3"

2011-08-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Really wasn't sure if this was going up, so I posted it before. But, lo and behold, here it is. Check it out.

The 50 Craziest Video Game Fatalities

2011-07-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's an article I recently co-wrote for Complex-mag.com. Check it out here.

Review: Scream of the Banshee [DVD]

2011-07-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from cinemablend.com)

I could call Scream of the Banshee awful -- it is, after all -- but I won’t. That would be too easy. It’s an “After Dark Original” movie and it was co-produced by the Syfy channel, so really, calling it crap would be like picking on a cripple. And who wants to do that? So, what IS good about it then? Well, it made me laugh. That’s good for something, right?

The Movie: Three stars out of five

Scream of the Banshee is like Troll 2. It abandons all logic, throws in some dumbass-looking costumes, and it’s infinitely more enjoyable when you watch it with like-minded friends who LIKE movies that are so bad, they’re good. And Scream of the Banshee is definitely that. It’s soooo bad…that it’s awesome.

The story itself makes no sense at all. A strange-looking shield that turns into a box is thrown at a banshee and it captures her head -- question mark, exclamation point, question mark. Centuries later, in modern day times, said box appears for no apparent reason at all, is opened, and the banshee escapes. Horror and shitty costumes ensue. But here’s the thing. Yes, the special effects for this movie probably cost about three dollars more than just putting it into Photoshop. And yes, the lines are performed so poorly that you’d probably see better at your son or daughter’s grammar school play. But that’s the whole allure with these kinds of pictures, especially when you know that the director’s heart was in the right place. There are many close shots of chomping teeth and bleeding ears, and also, quite possibly, the worst-looking fake video game ever put to film. But you can still see that the director cared and wanted this to be a good movie. He just didn’t have the money.

If you’re looking for an Ed Wood train wreck where EVERYTHING went wrong, you won’t find it here. The script for Scream of the Banshee was brain dead from the start, but a lot of scripts these days are like that (um, have you SEEN Transformers 3 yet?). That’s not the problem with this film. The problem with it is that special effects are ASS. If the director had the money, he would have used it to make at least a passable picture. But instead, the studio probably gave him a bag of potato chips and a pat on the ass and said, “Go make film now.” I mean, why ELSE would we get a shot of a giant hand coming out of a cloud of smoke and trying to grab a scared man as he leaps away from it? Sure, that’s dumb as hell, but if the special effects were better, it probably would have gotten a theatrical release. Instead, this movie went straight to DVD after having, like, a one-night run on the Syfy channel. Still, if you like crap with horrendous dialogue and laughable special effects, then you’ll love this. And if you don’t, then you won’t. I don’t know what else to tell you. But I myself definitely dug it. Check it out for yourself if you’re into garbage caught on film.

The Disc: Two stars out of five

There’s only one special feature on here, and it’s commentary. Imagine my discomfort. I knew the movie sucked, and the director surely knew it sucked, but I get a smarmy feeling whenever I listen to one of these commentaries and the director pretends like he doesn’t know what kind of trash he made. This commentary almost turns into that until the middle of the movie, when the director and the composer start bad-mouthing the movie themselves, talking about how shitty the special effects are and how badly it was edited in post-production. It’s hilarious. At one point, I laughed out loud when he told the listeners to please close their eyes at the scene where the giant hand comes out of the smoke. It takes a REAL man to admit when they’re down, and I applaud director Steven Miller for not wimping out. For the most part, that is. For the rest of the film, he compliments the composer to no end. And it gets a little boring hearing just how well the score turned out when the banshee pops out and starts shaking her hands.

There’s also “Widescreen Presentation,” if that’s even considered a special feature anymore and not just an industry standard, as well as English and Spanish subtitles. And that’s it. Pretty skimpy with the special features, but what were you expecting here? This isn’t a Criterion Collection DVD. You get what you pay for, and what you get isn’t all that much.

Scream of the Banshee Details
Length: 90 min
Rated: R
Distributor: Lionsgate Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2011-07-26
Starring: Marcelle Baer, Lauren Holly, Todd Haberkorn, Lance Henriksen
Directed by: Steven C. Miller
Produced by: Stephanie Caleb, Courtney Solomon, Gregory M. Walker
Written by: Anthony C. Ferrante
Visit the Scream of the Banshee Official Website:

Five Characters Who Should Be In Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 But Aren’t, and Five Characters Who Shouldn’t Be in Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, but Are

2011-07-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, we’re not going to lie. Now that we saw the leak for the new characters in Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, we’re pretty excited. Ghost Rider, Dr. Strange, Strider, Phoenix Wright, they’re ALL characters that should have been in the first MvC3 in the first place. It’s only right that they’re finally making an appearance in this game. That said, there are definitely some characters who are SORELY missing from this game, and also characters that should be removed entirely to make way for some better ones, but weren’t. And here is that list. Come on, fanboys. You know you agree.

Five Characters Who Should be in the new game but aren’t

5. The Punisher

(Image taken from: digitalbustop.com)

Seriously, how has the other Frank NOT been in any of these Vs. titles yet? Yes, we know, one of the rumored reasons that he wasn’t put in the first MvC3 is because he was said to be too violent a character, but come on. Chris Redfield fires a shotgun right in Viewtiful Joe’s face in the original MvC3. You’re telling us that Frank Castle can’t deliver divine retribution without actually having to slit somebody’s throat? Cop out, Marvel. That’s a cop out.

4. Mega Man

(Image taken from: blog.capcom.com)

Okay, this one is for the fans. Yes, Zero is cool, and we like him. We like him a lot. He’s fast and aggressive. But where the hell is the blue bomber himself? He was one of our all-time favorite characters in the last game, and if Strider got to make the jump from the other two titles, how could Mega Man NOT? We don’t get it Capcom, are you TRYING to rile up the fans?

3. Edward Falcon

(Image taken from: animevice.com)

It seems like just about every Capcom character from Capcom every series has gotten love from the company except one—Power Stone. And why is that? We absolutely LOVE this free for all franchise and yet, we haven’t seen a single character from it in any of the games. Come on, we saw Batsu from Rival Schools fame in Tatsunoko vs. Capcom and Hayato from Star Gladiator in MvC2. You’re telling us that we can’t get a little love from our OTHER favorite obscure Capcom fighter? Cry your pardon?

2. The Scarlet Witch

(Image taken from: bite.ca)

Are you aware that there are absolutely NO females in the new roster for Ultimate MvC3? Not a single one. Dude, it’s a total sausage fest. And while it was a tough call, if we were to pick any badass female character to fill in that slot, it’d have to go to the Scarlet Witch. Magneto’s daughter deserves her due.

1. Moon Knight

(Image taken from: marvel.com)
Okay, call us biased, but we’re REALLY big Moon Knight fans here at the office. The troubled past of Marc Spector very rarely EVER gets seen in any Marvel games, and he’s obscure enough that he’d make a perfect addition right alongside Taskmaster and M.O.D.O.K. Oh, and speaking of M.O.D.O.K…

Five Characters Who Shouldn’t Be in the New Game But Are

5. M.O.D.O.K.

(Image taken from: tofupunk.com)

Listen, we have nothing against M.O.D.O.K. as a character. We dig him. He’s cool. But we still don’t like the way he plays in MvC3. Sure, online gamers have found a way to abuse the shit out of him, but we still have a bit of a problem controlling him about the screen. If any of the cool characters had to go that was already in the game, it’d have to be him. Just for controlling the damn character’s sake.

4. Vergil

(Image taken from: devilmaycry.wikia.com)

Fact. We love us some Devil May Cry. Dante and Trish were an awesome addition to the first game, and we still use them competitively today. They’re a great team. But do we REALLY need a third character from the series on the roster? Sure, now the DMC team can truly be complete, but he kind of feels like a sore addition. We could have done without him. Oh, and how much money are you willing to wager that they’re going to have an alternate costume of the NEW Dante from DMC 5 in this game? Gag.

3. Hawkeye

(Image taken from: aintitcool.com)

Wait! Let us speak! We love Hawkeye, we seriously do! But now, first with Thor (Who we adore, don’t get us wrong) and now with Hawkeye, it seems like Capcom’s only adding Avengers who are actually appearing in the movies themselves. And all we have to say is, what about Ant Man? Why hasn’t HE gotten his day yet? Do we want Hawkeye? Hell yes. Are we happy that he’s in this game? Hell yes again. But would we trade him for Ant Man if we had to choose. Hell yeah a third time. Ant Man is awesome. We have no idea why both Hollywood and Capcom seem to disagree.

2. Nemesis

(Image taken from: gamespot.com)

This is another issue of, we already have enough characters from the franchise already. With Chris, Jill, and Albert all in the original, do we REALLY need a fourth character from the RE series? Hell, we’re sure we’re going to tear some shit up with Nemesis when the game comes out, and it will be all good. But if we were to choose another RE character from the franchise, it would have to be Barry Burton. Just think of the achievement on 360 when he and Jill do a combo together. “You’ve just unlocked the master of unlocking locks.” Awesome. Sheer awesomeness.

1. Nova

(Image taken from: en.wikipedia.org)

You may be saying, what? What about Rocket Raccoon? Why did you pick Nova for number one? But here’s the thing. Going back to our Moon Knight argument, we’d definitely say that both Nova AND Moon Knight are D-level Marvel characters, we’re not going to lie. So we’re kind of upset that Nova got the nod from Capcom and Moon Knight didn’t. But if those two characters are D-level Marvel, then Rocket Raccoon is definitely F-level Marvel, and we dig that Capcom’s trying to introduce him to a brand new audience. We dig it. Just think, it COULD have been Howard the Duck instead. Shudder. But yeah, again, Nova is an alright character, but we already have enough obscure Marvel characters in the game already and we feel that he could have been replaced by another, maybe more well-known character for the fans. Like say, maybe Sue Richards or Luke Cage. We’re just sayin’.

Another Review of Captain America, but for Complex

2011-07-21T06:09:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from Complex-mag.com)

Another review of Cap Am. You can find it here

Review: Captain America: Super Soldier

2011-07-21T05:55:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Cinemablend.com)

Is there anything worse than a movie video game? Usually, no, but sometimes, in the case of the Spiderman 2 game and The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher’s Bay, they can actually be pretty amazing. Well, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually going to put Captain America: Super Soldier for the 360 in that category, too.

It totally apes Batman: Arkham Asylum in the combat mechanics, with you fighting multiple baddies at once and bouncing from one bad guy to the next. But it actually does it so well that I don’t even mind. Tossing your shield is a blast. There are even sections of the game where you go all Prince of Persia and fling yourself around the German landscape. I love it.

But here’s the interesting thing. There once was a time when video game companies making multi-platform games would make the same game and just port them to the various platforms. But this being the end of the Wii’s lifespan, nobody’s kidding themselves. The Wii can’t handle the kind of game that is on the 360 and PS3. So you know what, Sega decided to make it different.

Captain America for the Wii, seriously looks like Goldeneye for the N64. The graphics are that bad. But that doesn’t mean that the game itself is bad. It just LOOKS awful. The gameplay itself is surprisingly entertaining. But it’s also very different. Instead of focusing on the up-close-and-personal combat in the 360 or PS3 versions, the Wii version focuses more on the mechanics of the shield. Blocking with it, deflecting bullets with it, tossing it, it’s all done effectively with the Wii-mote and nunchacku. But the actual hand-to-hand combat in this game is atrocious. Instead of the swift, Arkham Asylum movements in the 360 version, it boils down to being a button masher, that quite frankly, looks and feels awful. The hits feel unresponsive and loose, and the general flow of the game is much slower than its counterparts, even though all three versions are pretty much telling the same story. It’s a shame, too. Maybe the Wii-U would handle it much better. Too bad that console’s about a year away.

As for the Nintendo DS version, well, it’s the worst of the bunch, but it’s still not horrible. In May, I actually reviewed the Thor video game and mentioned how the DS version was better than its console brethren because of its simplicity. Well, that being said, Cap Am for the DS is a bit TOO simplistic. It features a whole bunch of interesting mechanics like the touch screen and stealth sections. But it still plays clumsily and the combat in it could feel more responsive. It doesn’t feel balanced and a lot of it is pretty repetitive with the running and jumping segments. They needed to be broken up more. Sure, there are some cool Ninja Gaiden-like sections where you’re bouncing off the walls to get higher. But overall, Cap Am just doesn’t work as well asThor did for the DS. The combat in this game isn’t as smooth as I’d like it to be, and knocking baddies around the screen with the shield isn’t nearly as satisfying as knocking them around with Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir.

Overall, though, the 360 version is awesome, the Wii version is passable, and the DS version is decent, but bordering on being not so good. Take one star off if you’re thinking about getting the Wii version, and one-and-a-half off if you’re thinking about picking it up for the DS. With the 360 version being so good, I’m actually looking forward to an Avengers game next year. Sega seems to be getting better at this. I’m impressed. Keep it up, Sega, keep it up.

Players: 1
Platform(s): Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3, Wii (reviewed), DS (reviewed)
Developer: Next Level Games (Xbox 360 and PS3), High Voltage Software (Wii), Griptonite Games (DS)
Publisher: Sega
ESRB: Teen
Rating: Four stars out of five

An Update on the Huey Lewis and the News Concert That I went to With My Fiance Last Night

2011-07-20T07:39:00.000-07:00

I still love Huey Lewis and the News (HUUUUEYYY!) as some of the people in the audience would call him. But his concert was kind of meh in a major way. Here's why.

New material. More specifically, Soulsville

(Image taken from: examiner.com)

It's not that I don't understand that the dude wants to plug his latest stuff, but almost the whole concert was his latest stuff, and that's not cool.

I mean, it's not that the new stuff is awful. But I wanted to hear, "Trouble in Paradise."

It's such a better song. But the whole concert only consisted of about four or five of the classics. And for a tour called "The Power of Love," you'd think it'd be more of the classics. Oh, well. At least my fiance and I got to see him, and that's saying something.

The Top Ten Games Featuring Members of the Avengers

2011-07-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from Complex-mag.com)

Here's my latest piece from Complex. You can find it here

Rap Concerts Suck

2011-07-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: hiphopcube.com)

This week, I'm going to go see Huey Lewis and the News live in concert with my fiance. And it's going to be awesome. And you know how I know that it's going to be awesome? Just read the first sentence again. Huey Lewis...and the News. I mean, just watch.

Granted, that was back in 1985, when Huey Lewis WAS the news because he was all over the place. And of course, I'm sure he won't be so into it today being that he's quite a bit older now. But I'm also sure that it will still be awesome, and you know why? Because I'm sure he still knows how to put on a show. But you know who CAN'T put on a show? Just about every rapper on the planet, because rap concerts are awful.

(Image taken from: ticketsinventory.com)

Usually, it's just a bunch of black guys standing around bopping their heads while the person rapping at the time is unintelligible. One of the greatest examples of this is when I went to go see the Wu-tang Clan, which was one of my favorite groups growing up. When I went to go see them, I was psyched. The Rza, the Gza...um, NOT the 'Ol Dirty Bastard, as he was dead by now, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Raekwon the Chef, Ghostface Killah, aaaaand (psst, and Masta Killah) the M-E-T-H-O-D Man. I'll tell you, bwoi, I was SO excited. But what I got instead was a whole bunch of garbage.

I knew every single one of the songs that they performed and I couldn't understand a single word they said. It was awful. It was also incredibly boring. And they kept telling us to throw our hands in the air, and that's another thing about rap concerts. Most of them, or at least, the ones I'VE been to, are all the same. I'll bet you don't go to a single one where they don't tell you to throw your hands up at least once during their performance. It's pathetic.

I have another example. I once went to Lollapalooza in Chicago a few years back. And while I know you can't really judge a band when you go to those big concerts since they usually don't give it their all there, I have to tell you, I saw the greatest show I've ever seen in my entire life there by a group called Gogol Bordello.

(Image taken from: thebangpop.com)

They're a bunch of gypsies, and man, do they put on a show. Violins were blazing, the singer was nuts, there were these giant drums, and it was just insane.

But at that very same concert (Lolla was three days, I think), I had to have seen the very worst performance in my entire life, too. And it was from none other than that asshole, Kanye West, who was so awful I wanted to punch somebody in the face after I saw it. First off, he compared himself to John Lennon, which made me throw up a little in my mouth. And then, he actually had the nerve (THE NERVE!) to sit down and rap for a little while. I mean, WHAT?! Sitting down? At your own concert? And comparing yourself to John Lennon? Well, I had had just about enough. I left him and went across the park where Wilco was playing and they were actually pretty good. I mean, Gawd, ANYTHING would have been better than Kanye. Even this.

Seriously. The only rap concert that was actually pretty good was from this little-known rapper named Mr. Lif.

(Image taken from: beermelodies.com)

He was just nuts. He was all over the place, swinging his dreads and getting the people to move. He was awesome. But all the rest of the rap acts I've seen on stage? Absolute trash. Not even worth the money. Rap concerts suck. Save your money. This has been my PSA.

Review: Rango [Blu Ray]

2011-07-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from cinemablend.com)

Rango, unbelievably, is a true, blue Western with all the tropes and quirks of the genre. So, how this was made into a movie (and a kids' one at that) is beyond me. But I’m glad it was, because Rango is a whole lot of fun. Information
about a bachelor online degree is available for people who love great
animation and want to learn more about illustration and movie design. Great
artists are part of what made Rango a success.

The Movie: Four and a half stars out of five

How did Rango get made into a movie? I know it’s a Nickelodeon picture, and Nickelodeon has always been a network of the bizarre (Aaahh!!! Real Monsters) and the really bizarre (Ren and Stimpy). But those were TV programs intended for a very particular, hopped-up-on sugar audience. This, on the other hand, is an original, full-scale motion picture starring none other than the likes of Johnny Depp. I mean, after Pirates of the Caribbean, Hollywood must have really had a lot of faith in director Gore Verbinski to allow him the freedom to make something as weird and as wonderful as Rango. But I’m glad they did, because really, this could have been a total disaster if there had been any restraints or interventions put on its production.

Instead, we’re given an honest-to-God Western that doesn’t seem like a kids' movie at all, but yet, still does, which makes it all the more impressive. Johnny Depp stars as a pet chameleon that is stranded in the desert after a mishap involving his owner’s driving. That’s fine. But then, you know what happens? We get a cameo appearance by Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo straight out of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Seriously, it was only about 10 minutes into the film and they already had me totally enraptured. I mean, what kind of messed up, wonked out kids’ film has a Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas reference? This one does! And it’s not even the weirdest thing that happens in the entire movie, which is what really makes it so special and different from most animated films. You really don’t know where it’s going to go next. From the familiar, Western friendly town of Dirt, to Las Vegas itself, this movie travels all over the place, but it’s still cohesive and really funny at the same time. I had a blast.

Really, though, I think a major reason for that is because I love Westerns in general. From the way Rango walks to the way some of the movie’s long shots are done -- especially the ones at sunset, which are beautiful -- to the way the townspeople are so gullible if one just flashes a badge, it’s all classic Western material. So much so, that, again, I’m kind of fascinated by how this got to be such a popular film in the first place. Last I checked, Westerns weren’t entirely in -- though, the popularity of the Coen Bros.' True Grit remake might be a sign that America is digging them again.

If I have any real complaints with the film, it’s that there are just too many villains afoot. Yes, I like that it keeps the story moving, but Bill Nighy’s big bad, Rattlesnake Jake, comes a bit too late in the film. And the main villain, who is meant to be a surprise, is WAY too obvious. I would have liked to see another twist as this movie is just full of them. That would have been nice. Other than that, though, Rango is a close to perfect film (note, I didn’t say perfect KIDS' film, but perfect film in general). It’s entertaining, highly stimulating, and funny as all hell. Watch it. It’s definitely worth it.

The Disc: Five stars out of five

There are literally hours of special features on here. While the obligatory deleted scenes aren’t really that special -- and I’d swear some of these scenes are actually in the theatrical cut -- there’s also an all new ending that I actually prefer to the one in the movie, which is a rarity. There’s also a “Storyboard Mode,” where you can watch the entire picture with the storyboards at the bottom of the screen. It’s interesting to see just how important storyboarding really is, especially with animation.

There’s also a “Go Behind the Scenes with Cast and Crew” segment where we get to see just how much work went into the art of this film. Seriously, it’s astounding. “Meet the Real Creatures of Dirt” is a fascinating look at real desert animals that are in the film. It also features a very long shot of a disgusting centipede that’s thankfully not in the film, so people who fear centipedes -- like myself -- you’ve been warned. There’s also an “Interactive Trip to Dirt,” where you can click around the town from the movie and learn about the different shops and characters that populate it. It’s great.

While clicking around the special features, I also saw that it said that there’s director’s commentary on here, even though it doesn’t mention it on the back of the box. But try as I may, I couldn’t find it anywhere on either discs or on my computer, so I really don’t know what to tell you about that one. Other than that, though, the special features are stellar if you loved the movie. It’s a great package, and the picture from the Blu-Ray disc is magnificent. It’s worth every penny of your hard earned buck. Pick it up.

Rango [Blu-Ray] Details
Length: 107 min
Rated: PG
Distributor: Paramount Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2011-07-15
Starring: Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, Abigail Breslin, Alfred Molina, Bill Nighy, Harry Dean Stanton, Ray Winstone, Timothy Olyphant
Directed by: Gore Verbinski
Produced by: Gore Verbinski, Graham King, John B. Carls
Written by: John Logan

My Top Ten Favorite Movies

2011-07-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

A lot of people say I have awful taste in films. But actually, no. My taste in films is amazing. It's actually better than yours. And if you don't believe me, then just check out these movies below. I think you'll tend to agree.

(Image taken from tree-of-life-movie-trailer.blogspot.com)

10. The Tree of Life

Rotten Tomatoes score: 85%

It might be a bit early to put this in my top ten favorite films list, having come out just this year, but I was absolutely blown away when I saw it. From beginning to end, Terrence Malick's epic film is probably the only movie that I've ever seen where the overall storyline didn't even matter. It's just a beautiful movie to watch. It's a very quiet film, but also, loud in its visuals and music. It's wonderful. It's like a visual poem. Top class. A plus work. See it. If you can find it anywhere.

(Image taken from: amazon.com)

9. Cool Hand Luke

RT score: 100%

The movie that got me into Paul Newman, Cool Hand Luke is a landmark film. It has stellar pacing, great acting, and some of the most famous lines in film history ("What we seem to have here is a failure to communicate"). I love this film. Paul Newman's smile is vintage. One of the best movies of the 60s.

(Image taken from: impawards.com)

8. Barton Fink

RT score: 90%

The Coen Bros. best film in my opinion, it's a movie about writing. Or really, a lack thereof. In other words, it's about writer's block, and man, is it weird. Two John's (John Turturro and John Goodman) steal the show in this comedy/drama. And well, I don't know what else to say about it. The ending is just surreal. It's almost just a cheap joke. But it's still classic. Just like the movie itself.

(Image taken from: impawards.com)

7. There Will Be Blood

RT score: 91%

I'm actually pretty surprised this isn't on more favorites lists. It might be pretty recent (2007), but it's still one of the only films that I could watch over and over again and still find more and more to appreciate with every repeated viewing. Daniel Day Lewis does the performance of a lifetime, and the score (performed by Johnny Greenwood of Radiohead fame)is tremendous. The storyline itself is just twisted, and it's brilliant in its scope and ambition. An American classic, through and through.

(Image taken from: moviegoods.com)

6. Pulp Fiction

RT score: 94%

I think it's pretty obvious that Quentin Tarantino will never make a better film than Pulp Fiction. The shifting storyline, the untrustworthy characters, the dialogue, the ending. Everything about the film is quintessential 90s and yet, timeless at the same time (Just watch Kurosawa's Rashomon. They're practically the same movie in scope). Inglorious Bastards doesn't even come close.

(Image taken from: amazon.com)

5. Midnight Cowboy

RT Score: 90%

How John Wayne beat Dustin Hoffman for best actor in 1969, I have no idea (It's all politics). Dustin Hoffman does some of the best acting I've ever seen in my entire life as Rico Ratso, and Jon Voight isn't half bad himself. It's a manly story, and yet, very sentimental and sad. It's a song for the streets. A wonderful film. Though, today, I can't see how it would be rated X. This stuff would probably be PG-13 today.

(Image taken from: kdavee.wordpress.com)

4. Adaptation

RT score: 91%

Another film about writer's block, this one is beyond weird. Even weirder than Charlie Kaufman's previously written film, Being John Malkovich (Another great picture). In it, Nic Cage (One of my fave actors) plays, well, Charlie Kaufman. And also his made-up brother, Donald Kaufman. He's writing a script for a book about flowers, but then, the movie becomes about him writing the script, and well, just watch it. It's worth it. Chris Cooper is great as well. He won an Oscar for it and deserved it. A rarity for the Academy Awards to actually award TRUE greatness.

(Image taken from: collider.com)

3. Total Recall

RT Score: 81%

The deepest film Arnold S has ever done, I'm surprised everybody fawned over Inception and didn't go back and talk about how great this was, because really, it's the better picture. And the ending in it is an even bigger draw. Was he in the machine, or was he really a spy? Why knows? But I have my theories ("Ah, blue skies on Mars. That's a new one."). It's a brain bender. A great one.

(Image taken from: amazon.com)

2. Big Trouble in Little China

RT score: 82

This is just a childhood favorite of mine. It also gets better with age. When I was younger, I actually feared some of the scenes (Especially with Lo Pan shooting light out of his eyes) but as an adult, it's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen in my life. The action is ridiculous, the story is even MORE ridiculous, and it's infinitely re-watchable. I've probably seen it over 20 times. And it never gets old. Ever. Almost the perfect film.

(Image taken from: en.wikipedia.org)

1. Apocalypse Now

RT score: 99%

The greatest film I've ever seen, I can't think of a movie that I could watch more than this one. Every single scene in this flick is from a director who was tortured to get his work to the screen and it shows. It's a labor to watch, but in a good way, a satisfying way. Some scenes are just hard to sit through, and some scenes make you laugh. Marlon Brando is equally hilarious and horrifying, and there are just too many moments to mention. If you haven't seen it yet, then you must. It's a landmark work. And my favorite film ever. Watch it. And if you've seen it already, watch it again. It's the best. Take a look.

Review: Season of the Witch [Blu-Ray]

2011-07-08T06:41:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from cinemablend.com)

Oh, Nic Cage, Nic Cage, Nic Cage. I don’t even know where to begin with you. As a fan of you and not your general body of work, what can I say to a movie like Season of the Witch, where I barely even remember that you’re even in it, even though you’re the star of the film? I don’t know, man, I don’t know. But if you make another clunker like this and don’t totally wig out in it, I may have to take you off the “I’ll see him in anything,” list. Season of the Witch is seriously THAT bad.

The Movie: One star out of five

Not too long ago, I reviewed another ridiculous Nic Cage movie called Drive Angry. And while that was a piece of shit, at least Nic Cage pulled off one of his classic, bizarre (though not bizarre enough for my tastes) performances in it, so it made up for the movie’s overall awfulness. But in Season of the Witch -- and I’m not even sure what genre to categorize this movie in...thriller? Actioner? Period piece? Garbage? -- I barely even remember that Cage was in it. And that’s bad, because without the manic Nic Cage that his fans have come to expect when he does these money-grabbing trash flicks, what else is he good for? Not much, apparently, as Season of the Witch is beyond forgettable. I mean, for God’s sake, Hellboy (Ron Perlman) can’t even save it! And when you have both Ghost Rider AND Hellboy in a film together, and neither of them makes it worth watching, then you have a problem on your hands. And yes, Season of the Witch IS that problem. It’s a mess of a movie that’s offensive in how boring it is. In fact, I fell asleep while watching it three times. Three! I even had to drink coffee to finish the whole thing. For a Nic Cage picture, that’s inexcusable.

The main problem with Season of the Witch is that it crawls at an 800 lb. man’s pace. The story is about two Crusaders (Cage and Perlman) who have deserted their troop for moral reasons and go home to their motherland, only to discover it’s been affected by a plague. The reason for the plague? Well, a moribund Cardinal suspects that the Black Death has been the work of a witch. And…that’s the first time that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I rewound and found Cage and Perlman going on a quest to take this supposed witch (Claire Foy) to a monastery to prove her innocence or something of that nature, and then…I dozed off again. This is beside the fact that there was some action in between that was supposed to be exciting, but instead, wound up being lackluster and slow. When I woke up again, the movie was over. So I rewound again, and watched some more until I got to the end, where it REALLY got ridiculous with some clunky CGI fight. And guess what? Even while watching this final confrontation, I fell asleep. As I’ve said before, and I’ll say many times over again, action scenes are boring if you have no connection with the characters. And with Season of the Witch, I couldn’t care less about any of them. I couldn’t even stay awake for them for God’s sake, let alone feel worried about any of them dying. And that’s just sad. That’s some Michael Bay type filming there.

Again, though, if there’s any real disappointment with this film, it’s in Nic Cage, who doesn’t even put on any bee helmets or eat cockroaches. Instead, he dons some knight armor and doesn’t even try to fake some weird accent or ad lib any nonsense like he might have done in the past. Really, it might be sad to say, but maybe, that Nic Cage doesn’t even exist anymore. Maybe, he’s playing nice with all of his directors now just to make sure that he can keep landing roles and amassing enough money to pay off his bills. What I’m trying to say is this: I think he’s afraid to take as many risks now and let his freak flag fly. At least for clunkers like Season of the Witch, and that’s a shame, as this would be one of the best places for him to do something like that. It would have made this totally awful movie at the very least subpar. In fact, Season of the Witch could have actually been kind of fun if it wasn’t so damn serious, and Nic Cage was just the guy to take the edge off of it. But he didn’t, and that’s why it sucks. I’ll give him one more crappy movie, and then I’m done with his cash-grab flicks. A critic can only take so much.

The Disc: One star out of five

Thank God there’s no commentary on here, because I don’t think I could sit through this stinker more than once. Instead, on this Blu-ray disc, you get pointless “deleted scenes” that all deserved to get cut from the film (even though, LOTS of scenes that DID make the movie should have been cut as well). You also get a “Becoming the Demon,” featurette, which talks about that horrendous CGI at the end of the movie that I was talking about before. In the “On a Crusade” feature, it talks about all the yawn-inducing battle sequences at the beginning of the movie. And the “Alternate Ending” is just that, an alternate ending. Is it a better ending? No, no it is not. In fact, it’s equivalent to if The Sixth Sense had an alternate ending where Haley Joel Osment’s mother was also a ghost. So yeah, it sucks like that. There’s also a digital copy in the box so that you can watch it on the go, but mercy, why would you ever want to do that? It’s a bad movie with equally bad special features. Pass this one up like the plague.

Season of the Witch [Blu-Ray] Details
Length: 95 min
Rated: PG-13
Distributor: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2011-06-28
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Stephen Campbell Moore, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy
Directed by: Dominic Sena
Produced by: Alex Gartner, Charles Roven
Written by: Bragi Schut

Buggin' Out: The 10 best Insect Characters in Video Games

2011-07-05T17:49:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from Complex-mag.com)

Here's an article I did for Complex about buuuuugs. Check it out.

My Top Ten Favorite Books

2011-07-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

I've read a LOT of books in my day. Hundreds, even. Maybe even a thousand. I haven't counted, but it's definitely somewhere in that figure. And along the way, there have been very few books that I would call awful, and even fewer that I would call outright masterpieces. But these ten on this list are definitely in the latter category, and I recommend that you read them all. So, well, here they are.

(Image taken from: thebookwormchronicles.wordpress.com)

10. Drawing of the Three by Stephen King

The Dark Tower series really must be read as a whole to be truly appreciated. But if I were to choose one book out of the entire saga as a great standalone read, I'd have to choose the second book in the series, Drawing of the Three. I mean, talk about a page turner. The book moves so fast that it took me about two days to read 400 pages, and it's a stark contrast to the first book, which takes place mainly in Mid-World. This book takes place primarily in New York and jumps back and forth between there and the beaches of the other world, and the stakes are really high here. Roland's hand runs into some trouble and two fan-favorite characters in the series are introduced in this book in Eddie Dean and his future wife, Susannah. A great, great book. But you really should read the whole series. It's worth it.

(Image taken from: scifi160.blogspot.com)

9. The Caves of Steel by Isaac Asimov

Everything that's great about Asimov (And seriously, what's NOT great about Asimov?) can be found in this book. Robotics? Check. A deep layered, scientific mythology? Check. A great central character? Check. And it's even got a whole detective story at the core of it. Really, what's not to love? And while I must say that Asimov's Foundation series is his magnum opus, unlike The Dark Tower series, I really can't think of one book in Asimov's series that's better or worse than any of the others in saga. The Caves of Steel is great book with a stellar setting. Definitely one of his best.

(Image taken from: 4umi.com)

8. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

One of my female friends back in high school said that this was her favorite book. I asked, how. It's such a masculine story and I couldn't quite grasp back then how anybody but a guy could like it. That said, as an adult, I can certainly see where it can be looked at as a much broader story that can be analyzed and enjoyed (If you're cynical) by all. It provides a darker, more mechanic future than those seen in other dystopian novels like 1984 or Fahrenheit 451, and as a futuristic story, it doesn't get much more depressing than this. An interesting read by a crazed, doped up novelist. I love it.

(Image taken from: bookrags.com)

7. Uncle Tom's Children by Richard Wright

Richard Wright is one of the few people who make me proud to be black. Besides having a name that sounds almost exactly like my own, he wrote eloquently and militantly, making his black contemporaries look like they didn't have the guts to write like he did. Native Son is a better book, by far, but I like this one more, mostly because it's told in short stories. But also because I think he gets his points across better about racism, segregation, and fighting back more clearly here. He was a Communist who wrote like a Communist. So it's no nonsense writing. No fluff, no bluff. Love this guy.

(Image taken from: bookrags.com)

6. The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis

I remember having a very hard time reading this when I was younger. Not because it was hard to read or anything like that, but more because I felt like I was committing blasphemy when I was reading it. That was foolish. It has a very bad reputation but it's unfounded. Half the Christians who hate on it probably never even read the book in the first place (Or saw the Martin Scorsese adaptation, for that matter). If they had, then they would know that it actually humanizes Christ much more, and shows Him as a much more rounded, three dimensional figure than the one who was always talked about at the pulpit. Liberal-minded Christians would actually LOVE this book. But I'm not going to spoil it for you. It's the ending that really sells it, and it really is quite beautiful. If you see yourself losing your faith, I think you should check it out. It might just make you remember why you continue to be a Christian in the first place. It did for me, anyway.

(Image taken from: celsius1414.com)

5. The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut

In a lot of ways for me, Kurt Vonnegut is kind of like Stanley Kubrick. I've indulged in everything that they ever did, and I think that they were the greatest at their respective jobs. But I have a hard time picking one individual work in their oeuvre that I'd put above the rest. If you forced me at knife point, though, I'd have to say it's Paths of Glory for me with Kubrick, and with Vonnegut, I'd have to go with The Sirens of Titan. Next to Slapstick, it's the strangest work that he ever did, and also the most philosophical. But I think it also epitomizes the brain of this man, which was entirely out there but also painfully down to earth. And it features the first mention of Tralfamadore, which in itself is something spectacular. Vonnegut, wherever you are in your eternal dirt nap (Even, though, I'm sure you'd say 'in the ground, so let me sleep') you're still my hero. Always has been, always will be.

4. Shogun by James Clavell

Before I read James Clavell's Shogun, which is just the chronological first story in his Japanese saga, I was team Ninja all the way. But after reading this book, I was team Samurai all the way. No question. They're just such cooler historical figures than their black suited contemporaries. James Clavell fully explored the lives of gaijin (foreigners) in this story and also their presence on Japanese soil and what they meant to the integration of a new culture. Oh, and it had some really awesome action scenes that were all the more poignant because I really got engrossed in the characters and story. It's actually the first (and only) book that has ever made me cry. For serious. If you like Japanese culture at all, then you HAVE to read this book. You owe it to yourself. It's that good.

(Image taken from: blogs.babble.com)

3. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

Anthem and The Fountainhead are marvelous books, but after reading Atlas Shrugged, you feel that the other two were just warm-ups for this one. Every thing about Atlas Shrugged is empowering, and I can understand why the Conservative party would grab a hold of it and use it as the backdrop for their beliefs. Hell, I think ANYBODY who wants to believe that mankind can accomplish anything should read this book. From its opening line ("Who is John Galt?") to its glistening conclusion, I can't think of another story where I felt that nothing was impossible after reading it. A classic amongst classics. Even if you don't agree with her philosophy, it's still an outstanding story. Definitely check it out. And ignore its length. Every single page is worth it. Every single page is important.

(Image taken from: withfriendship.com)

2. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

You might think this is sick, but I actually identify with Crime and Punishment's protagonist, Raskolnikov, more than any other character that I've ever read about. And that's not saying much on my part, being that Raskolnikov is a murderer. But the journey that he goes through in this story is the one that I feel that I would probably go through, too if I murdered someone. First, from feeling like some people don't matter in the world and deserve to die, to feeling both remorse and selfishness afterward when you realize that you have no right to play God and that every life has purpose. Dostoyevsky made a masterpiece of moral choices, and I think you should check it out if you ever saw someone on the street and thought bad thoughts about them. Because really, who are you to think that way about somebody? Like you're more important than anyone else. That's how this book makes you think. Written well over a century ago, it still holds up today. Now THAT'S a novel.

(Image taken from: theavidreaders.blogspot.com)

1. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

The greatest comic novel I've ever read, this was Mr. Toole's second and final novel because he committed suicide before it was ever published. And it's a shame, too, because I've never read anything as hilarious as this book. I was seriously crying when I was reading it because I was laughing so hard. Crying! It has probably the greatest opening scene ever in a book and throughout the entire story, you just can't help but think that things can't get any worse for the pudgy, pedantic protagonist, Ignatius J Reilly, but they do! And the funniest part is, is that he actually deserves everything that comes to him. You never feel sympathy for him. Not once. He's entirely likeable and loathsome at the same time, he's just great.

This book has my favorite character ever and it's just too damn funny to pass up. If you read any book on this list, read this one. Read this one, please. It even won the Pulitzer Prize. And that's saying a lot for a book that's really just one long gag after another. Best. Book. Ever.

The More Polite Review of Eletkra Luxx

2011-06-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from Cinemablend.com)

You want to know a good movie about porn? Boogie Nights. Everything about that film just makes me want to buy a flashy shirt, pull down my dungarees, and get into the industry, shaking what my mama GAVE me. But you want to know a shitty movie about porn? Elektra Luxx. Everything that’s great about Boogie Nights is absent in this film. It’s not even really about porn, even. What a tease!

The Movie: One star out of five

When my editor asked if anybody wanted to review Elektra Luxx, I did a quick search online and found that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in it. Being a fan of flicks like Inception, Brick, and The Lookout, I was like, hell yeah, I want to watch that shit! That guy doesn’t make bad films! But, man, was I wrong. And now I have to add Mr. Levitt to my list of actors who have let me down most heinously. The man apparently CAN make bad films, and Elektra Luxx is one of the worst. I mean, it’s bad. It’s REALLY bad. So bad, in fact, that I wanted to turn it off within the first five minutes of watching it. And I really should have, too. I only watched the whole damn thing so I could report back to you just how bad it is. Because if it had just been me watching it on my own, I would have fed it to the centipedes in my house by the six-minute mark.

Everything about this films blows. But what angers me the most about it, besides the fact that it’s supposed to be a comedy and it’s woefully unfunny, is the fact that it has some really great talent in it that isn’t even used effectively. For example, enter Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I seriously love the guy. He’s been in some great movies as an adult, but had his first major breakout on the sitcom, Third Rock From the Sun, so I know the guy is funny. So why, then, has he been reduced to screaming almost the entire movie? His role is of an online blogger for a porn site, which sounds funny enough, but it’s not here. Every time he tries to say something to the camera, another annoyance gets in the way, so the entire time he’s yelling at people to shut up or leave him alone. Trust me, it sounds much funnier than it is. Also, one other trait that I get from the guy is that he’s a consummate professional. But at the end of the picture, he actually flubs some of his lines and it’s STILL IN THE MOVIE. How does that happen these days? That’s some Ed Wood nonsense right there.

And speaking of Ed Wood, how about the plot of this clunker? Well, it’s awful! The back of the box says that it’s about a porn star who gets preggers and quits the biz, and yeah, that’s a part of what this movie’s about. A SMALL part. Like, only 10%. The rest of the film is almost like a series of vignettes that really don’t even have any connection to the overall storyline. For example, there’s a side plot with one of the title character’s costars where she becomes a lesbian that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot at all. It doesn’t even make any sense. And then, Julianne Moore makes an uncredited appearance as the Virgin Mary that serves no purpose whatsoever. I can see why her name’s not on the back of the box. What I can’t see, though, is why she would even do this movie. Maybe as a favor? I don’t know.

Honestly, I don’t know if this movie was straight-to-DVD or not, but if it was, then I think it’s an offense to every straight-to-DVD movie that ever came out before it. Elektra Luxx is a train wreck. Don’t watch it. Ever.

The Disc: One star out of five

Special features? What special features? On the back of the box, it says, “Includes Hilarious Deleted Scenes.” But don’t believe it. Of the three (that’s right, three) deleted scenes on here, the one that sticks out the most contains two women making out, quietly, while some nebbish dude watches. And if that soft-core porn-quality crap sounds funny to you, then you MIGHT actually like this film. Not me, though. I like my comedy like I like my porn. Hardcore (TMI, I know). And if you’re like me, then you’ll hate these deleted scenes. They’re too tame. And too unfunny.

Reviewed By: Rich Knight

Elektra Luxx Details
Length: 100 min
Rated: R
Distributor: Myriad Pictures
Release Date: 2011-06-21
Starring: Carla Gugino, Timothy Oylphant, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Directed by: Sebastian Gutierrez
Produced by: Sebastian Gutierrez
Written by: Sebastian Gutierrez
Visit the Elektra Luxx Official Website

Keepin' It Rail: The 10 Best Light-Gun Shooters Of All Time

2011-06-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

Here's a recent article I wrote for Complex about light-gun rail shooters. Check it out. Reload! Reload

Impolite Review of Elektra Luxx

2011-06-29T02:56:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: beyondhollywood.com)

I write for an online pub called Cinemablend. I love it to death. They give me the freedom to write what's on my mind, which is liberating to say the least. But sometimes, I go off the handle. And this is one of those times. You see, I write for the DVD section and was tasked with writing about a clunker called Elektra Luxx. Now, I didn't think it would be good, but I also didn't think it would be THIS awful. But it was. And I wrote a review that's basically me just saying it sucks over and over again in different, more scathing words. This is that review below. You'll see a more polished review soon, but I thought I'd just share the wrath of a critic with you. Hope you enjoy.

(Image taken from: joblo.com)

Review: Elektra Luxx
By: Rich Knight

You want to know a good movie about porn? Boogie Nights. Everything about that film just makes me want to buy a flashy shirt, pull down my dungarees and get into the industry, shaking what my mama GAVE me. But you want to know a shitty movie about porn? Elektra Luxx. Everything that’s great about Boogie Nights is absent in this film. It’s not even really about porn, even. What a tease!

The film: One star

When my editor asked if anybody wanted to review Elektra Luxx, I did a quick search online and found that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in it. Being a fan of flicks like Inception, Brick, and The Lookout, I was like, hell yeah, I want to watch that shit. That guy doesn’t make bad films! But, man, was I wrong. And now I have to add Mr. Levitt on my list of yet another actor who has let me down most heinously. The man apparently CAN make bad films, and Elektra Luxx is one of the worst. I mean, it’s bad. It’s REALLY bad. So bad, in fact, that I wanted to turn it off within the first five minutes of watching it. And I really should have, too. I only watched the whole damn thing so I could report back to you just how bad it is. Because if it had just been me watching it on my own, I would have fed it to the centipedes in my house by the six minute mark. How the hell was this trash even made?

I mean, everything about this films blows. But what angers me the most about it, besides the fact that it’s supposed to be a comedy and it’s woefully unfunny, is the fact that it has some really great talent in it that isn’t even used effectively. Joseph Gordon-Levitt starts the film off doing an awful monologue about the title star of the film, Ms. Luxx. She’s left the porn industry because she’s pregnant. And, well, that’s what the plot’s supposed to be about. But it goes all over the place. On the back of the box, it says, (ahem), “Elektra Luxx… wrestles with a solicitous bride-to-be, an obsessed web streamer (That’s Mr. Gordon-Levitt, by the way), a studly private investigator (Timothy Olyphant), a clothing-challenged neighbor, a criminal twin sister, and even the Virgin Mary (Julianne Moore).” I mean, seriously, would YOU want to watch crap that’s cluttered like that? No, right? I didn’t think so. But you know what? Here’s the REAL kicker on the back of the box—“it’s one hysterical ride with plenty of uninhibited comedy along the way.” All I want to know is, who wrote that and how much were they paid? It must have been a lot, because they’re lies. All lies. In fact, I want to get in on some of that lie money. I might even give up my journalistic integrity to do it.

In fact, here’s my retro review for Plan 9 from Outer Space. Tor Johnson gives the performance of a lifetime as Inspector Dan Clay! And lookout, D W Griffith, as Ed Wood is a director to look out for!! His startling, revelatory new film shines a light on mankind like no other film has before it!!! A visual tour de force!!!!

I mean, I’m sorry to get so far off track with this film, but all I want to do is think about anything BUT Elektra Luxx when talking about it. I don’t know if this movie was straight-to-DVD or not, but God, if it was, it’s an offense to every straight-to-DVD movie that ever came before it. Seriously, Mirrors 2 is better than this garbage. And have you ever seen Mirrors 2? God, that movie’s a trainwreck. But this movie is worse. Way worse. Elektra’s last name doesn’t even have three x’s in it! And shouldn’t it? Isn’t she supposed to be a pron star? C’mon, that was an easy one. Again, I repeat, how was this garbage even made? Barf!

The disc: One star

Sigh, let’s look at the back of the box again, shall we? For special features it says, “Includes Hilarious Deleted Scenes.” Really? Really?! Couldn’t you guys just say “Includes Deleted Scenes”? Why did you have to add lie on top of lie and say that they’re hilarious? The movie itself doesn’t contain a single laugh, so why in the hell would the deleted scenes have any? Does the director even know what comedy is? Or did I just fall asleep during the film and wake up in some alternate dimension and not know it? Do shows like Seinfeld and The Simpsons exist in this alternate dimension? Because one of these “hilarious” deleted scenes contains two women making out, quietly, while some nebbish dude watches. It’s the closest thing to actual softcore porn on here, and even that sucks. Ugh. I hate myself for even watching this. I want my 100 minutes of life back, please. And make it snappy. I don’t have any more time to waste.

Elektra Luxx [DVD] Details
Length: 100 minutes
Rated: R
Distributor: Myriad Pictures
Release Date:
Starring: Carla Gugino, Timothy Oylphant, Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Directed by: Sebastian Gutierrez
Produced by: Sebastian Gutierrez
Written by: Sebastian Gutierrez
Visit the Elektra Luxx website: http://www.elektraluxx-movie.com/

Jazz Sucks

2011-06-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: blogs.forward.com)

Back in my senior year in college, I took a class on Jazz just so I could get a better understanding of it. And even though I did in fact learn to appreciate artists like Coltrane and Parker, I still came out of it thinking one thing: Jazz sucks.

And here's the problem with it.

The musicians who play it seem to think that it's still important. In a sense, it WAS important. One of the only true things that America can brag about and say that it created was jazz music. And it opened the door for other better music like rock and roll and rap. Really, though, anybody who plays jazz today is a relic that looks like this:

It really is a joke.

But remember, I'm talking about the kind of jazz that most people associate it with when they hear the title. That's not to say that ALL jazz is awful. Herbie Hancock's Future Shock is actually really awesome, mostly, because it doesn't sound like jazz at all. It sounds like early dance music. Take a listen.

It's a good example of jazz fusion. But everything is better with fusion. Metroid. V8 Splash. Jazz. I mean, fusions improve everything. It's kind of hard for jazz to NOT be better without it, really.

So, on that note, I'm going to leave you with the only real jazz musician that I can tolerate and not have a shit fit over. SHOOBY!

You Know What? Netflix Can Go to Hell

2011-06-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: tametheweb.com)

Am I a satisfied customer of Netflix? Hell no, I'm not a satisfied customer of Netflix! Netflix can go and eat some rancid, old man's booty hole. Not once, but TWICE now have they sent me garbage in the mail. And I'm not just talking about their suggestions for me (Though, those are pretty bad, too). I'm talking about discs that keep on skipping endlessly at the best parts. First, it was with Twin Peaks, which is finally streaming now, thank God. And now, it's with Boogie Nights, which ISN'T streaming now, by God.

Damn, don't you guys ever check your DVDs before you send them back out to people? Some guy might have rubbed his greasy genitals all over the disc and then, scratched it like Africa Bambaataa. But it's not like YOU guys would ever know. Because all YOU guys ever do is just mail it out to the next sucker on the queue without even checking if there's any damage. Well, you know what? FUNK DAT! You guys blow the big one.

(Picture of Africa Bambaataa taken from: blogs.miaminewtimes.com)

And you know what ELSE sucks? I just bought a brand new phone. A Droid, no less. And guess what? Netflix doesn't even WORK on it. That's right, readers. They're such a piece of sheet company, that their garbage doesn't even support it. Back on my old iPhone, Netflix skipped on it like crazy. And now, on my new Droid, it doesn't even function. What a load of crap. If this happens one more time, I'm switching back to Blockbuster. Their selection might suck, but at least they're reliable.

But what do YOU think I should do? Suggestions are always welcomed.

(Image taken from: geek.com)

The 25 Best Video Games of 2011 (So Far)

2011-06-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: complex-mag.com)

Here's an article I wrote with two others. The title says it all: http://www.complex.com/video-games/2011/06/25-best-video-games-of-2011-so-far/

The Top Ten Best Producers Who Can Rap

2011-06-20T17:14:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: bhphotovideo.com)

Or maybe, this article should be titled, the top ten rappers behind the boards. Either way, it'd be foolish for anybody to say that rap could be good without the beats. Just look at the rapper Canibus. His debut album back in, what was it, 1997, should have been legendary. But it wasn't. And you know why? Because the production on it was soft. Never mind the fact that the lyrics were some of his sharpest ever.

So it's all the more impressive to find a rapper who is skilled on the mic AND can tear it up on the mixing boards. Because usually, it's one of the other. You have the great rapper who does a decent job at producing (See: Eminem), or the excellent producer who does a moderate to poor job at rapping (See: Kanye West). But these ten. These ten are mint. See if you agree with them. And if you don't, go f%*# ya'self (Sorry, it's the hip-hop in me).

(Image taken from: songonlyrics.com)

10. Timbaland

You might find this entry gag-worthy. But as horrible a rapper as Timbaland is, and he IS pretty horrible, I'd actually say that he's a better rapper than Kanye--who you'll find didn't even make this list since he's such an awful rapper. What works for Timbaland is that his beats, even when they're for somebody else, always seem to fit his easy-going flow. His thick voice just seems to work, and it makes for some pretty cohesive tunes when he actually gets on the mic. I approve.

(Image taken from: hiphopsite.com)

9. Pete Rock

As known for his jazzy beats as he is for his quick, boppity flow, Pete Rock is old school supreme. His lyrics may not be on par with some of the later rappers on this list, but his voice just works over his upbeat tempos and drums. Take a listen.

(Image taken from: leftlion.co.uk)

8. The Beatnuts

Psycho Les and JuJu may not have ever reached the height of popularity that they were searching for, but their sometimes playful, but mostly times dirty, beats and lyrics were always something to look forward to when they were in their prime. Below is probably their most famous song. How could you not bop your head to that beat and smile with those lyrics ("Yo, it's better to take, then to receive")? No, I'm really asking you. How could you not? It's hot.

(Image taken from: billboard.com)

7. Dr. Dre

You may be wondering how a legend like Dr. Dre is so low on this list. Well, here's the thing about Dre. His production is some of the most solid in the business, as his 70s G-Funk sound somehow transformed to become popular even today. But as for his rapping? Well, if Dre has any other talent besides production, it's surrounding himself with rappers who can really make him look good. Slinging lyrics with Snoop or Eminem boosted his own cred, and he didn't sound that bad, either. But that's only because some of his stuff was ghostwritten, and the other stuff that wasn't was genuine hard work to not sound awful in comparison to his guests. For that, he lands at number 7. But it's definitely a respectable 7.

(Image taken from: urbansmarts.com)

6. Madlib

Madlib has always said that he considers himself a producer first and a rapper last. That's fine. But damn, man, as Lord Quas, you're sick as hell, brother. Even if it DOES sound like you just sucked up all the helium in a balloon, your flow is impeccable. And your beats are as soulful and as jittery as they come. It works. Take a listen.

(Image taken from: xlr8r.com)

5. El-P

El-P, formerly of Company Flow, makes beats for aliens. His space age sounds made Can Ox's The Cold Vein the greatest rap album of all time, and his overall sound is ridiculous. Oh, and his raps, jeez. Sometimes, you need to get a dictionary just to understand what the hell he's talking about. El-P was nerd rap before nerd rap even had a title to it. And for that, he lands on this list. Zap!

(Image taken from: myspace.com)

4. J Dilla

Gone but NEVER forgotten, J Dilla was like the perfect mix of lyricism and beats. His flow was silky. I don't know how else to put it. And his beats just complimented him or anybody else he produced for, from Tribe to Ghost. His Slum Village work is still legendary. RIP, Jay Dee.

(Image taken from: giantmag.com)

3. The Rza

NOBODY sounded like the Rza in his prime, both lyrically and beat wise. He pretty much created an empire as the leader of the Clan with his songsmanship, and his flow is the strangest thing since Kool Keith hit the scene. If uniqueness alone could be monetized, then Rza's face should be on the highest form of currency that's available. Even his lisp was awesome, and how many other rappers can you say that about?

(Image taken from: clashmusic.com)

2. MF Doom

Or just plain 'ol Doom these days, drop the MF (Silly!), the metal faced villain is a sampling god. You think Kanye is good? Pfft. Kanye ain't shit compared to how far Doom is willing to go to get his samples. Sometimes, he uses jazz hooks. Other times, he uses prog rock samples. And sometimes, well, jeez, I don't even KNOW where he gets some of his samples from. But they're always genius, and they always sound brilliant. And yo, peep this. Doom has collaborated with both Madlib AND Danger Mouse, and managed to have albums that sounded better when he produced without them. Now THAT'S clout. And his rhymes are beyond perfect. His flow is immaculate. Only one rapper/producer is better than ol' Metal Fingers. And I stand by the man to my dying day.

(Image taken from: planetill.com)

1. Necro

Necro's beats are sadistic. They're brutal. They're bonecrushing, and they fit his evil lyrics to a tee. No other rapper on this list is as musically gifted as Necro, and that's the truth. He can play electric guitar with the best of them, and other instruments as well. And his sampling ranges from horror to snuff to straight out porno. It's definitely the most diverse you'll ever hear. And you may think I'm nuts to say this, but I even think he's the best rapper on this list as well, as everything he's ever done has been classic. Every single line. From his very first album to his current one, Necro is king of both production and lyricism. Die!

Hyrule Hater: "Legend of Zelda's" Top Ten Most Shameful Moments

2011-06-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from Complex-mag.com)

Find my article on The Legend of Zelda's Link's most shameful moments here: http://www.complex.com/video-games/2011/06/10-legend-of-zelda-shameful-moments/

Review: The Island [Blu-Ray]

2011-06-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Cinemablend.com)

Mr. Michael Bay and I have a pretty lopsided relationship. One minute, I want to embrace the man tenderly and whisper in his ear, “Well done, sir, well done,” when he makes movies like Bad Boys and The Rock. And the next, I hope he gets run over by Optimus Prime when he makes movies like Pearl Harbor and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. With The Island, I’m kind of on the fence with how I feel about the man. But I’m probably more on the side of him getting hit by a Mack truck than whispering sweet nothings into his ear. It really does teeter more on the crappier side, it does.

The Movie: Two and a half stars out of five

The Island is awesome…in theory. And you know you’re in trouble when you’re talking about theory in a Michael Bay movie. The problem is this -- Michael Bay shouldn’t have made this film in the first place. It should have been handled by someone with more finesse at meshing deeper issues with action. Like Darren Aronofsky. Or Matthew Vaughn. But not Michael Bay. Michael Bay is good at making things go “kaboom!” or, if you’re lucky, “kablammo!” But not in making you think, which The Island does, but not in a positive way. It’s more in a “This topic is much deeper than the film itself” kind of way, and that’s a shame, since the story had so much potential. It really could have been something great if it was handled by someone more skilled.

The story deals with clones. And while you might think that’s a spoiler if you’ve never seen the movie before, please don’t. It says it right on the back of the box. “…But when they discover they’re actually clones…” Way to go, back of the box. Anyway, now that that’s out the bag, these clones, played by Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson, escape from a sterile compound. It was there that their bodies were meant to be harvested to prolong the lives of rich people who paid good money for them. Again, it’s a really cool concept, but the execution is poor as all get out. And the main problem is Bay. He sets up a really interesting story but then dilutes it with needless car chases involving dumbbells falling out of the back of a vehicle, and hover cycles, even though this is supposed to be 2019. Apparently, clones will be fully functional in a little more than a decade (I’m counting on 2005 time, when this film was released), and motorcycles can fly. Dude, you totally broke the Back to the Future 2 rule. You made a film that’s supposed to be super futuristic but set it within our lifetimes. Why?

What also sucks about the film is all the wasted talent in here. Michael Clarke Duncan, Djimon Hounsou, Steve f’n Buscemi? Talent across the board, and you stick them with flaccid roles that anybody could fill? Again, Mr. Bay, why? It seems like a waste hiring such talented people for a movie that ultimately fails as both an action film (it’s too slow) and as a thought-provoking sci-fi flick (there’s too much excessive action involved). All-star casts have rarely been so misused. It really is a shame.

But that’s not to say that the film is a total wash. There is potential here in The Island, especially in the ideas that are floating around in it. The concept of the Island itself being a supposed Shangri-La of for the clones, only to turn out to be a killing floor, is fascinating. And the movie actually does shine in the action sequences, as the chases are enthralling. But when put together, the movie as a whole is a confused mess and it needs to be put to sleep. Michael Bay, stick with talking robots that can turn into automobiles, please. It suits you. And leave the real sci-fi to the pros. Thanks, Mr. Bay. You’re the best.

The Disc: Two stars out of five

Just once, I wish a director would have the balls like Joel Schumacher to apologize for his movie on the DVD commentary. And while The Island is nowhere NEAR Batman and Robin suckitude, I still wish Michael Bay apologized for ruining an awesome story. But no, all we get instead is a commentary full of empty air, as Bay goes on and on about the making of the film, with him livening up just a teensy bit when talking about the action. Otherwise, it’s worthless. Even a fan of the film might not find much to take out of it (other than his one admittance that the marketing for the film could have been better, which it could have).

Also on the disc is “The Future in Action,” which shows the exciting car-chase scene. And, well, that’s pretty much it. “The Making of The Island,” features some scenes from “The Future in Action” featurette, and, well, it’s boring. Ewan McGregor puts me to sleep. Finally, there’s “Pre-visualization: Forward Thinking,” which talks about they had to do to make the movie seem futuristic, but not too futuristic, being that the movie takes place in 2019, after all. Overall, the special features suck, and the only reason that I’m not giving it one star is because fans of the film might like them, but not enough to swoon over. This Blu-ray feels very bare bones. Pass.

The Island [Blu-Ray] Details
Length: 136 min
Rated: PG-13
Distributor: DreamWorks Video
Release Date: 2011-06-21
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson, Sean Bean, Brian Stepanek, Djinon Hounsou, Steve Buscemi, Michael Clarke Duncan
Directed by: Michael Bay
Produced by: Michael Bay, Kenny Bates
Written by: Caspian Tredwell-Owen, Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci
Visit the The Island [Blu-Ray] Official Website

Three Reasons Why I Hope the Green Lantern Movie Flops

2011-06-15T16:12:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: platformnation.com)

Green Lantern is lame as all hell. So if you're expecting a non-biased article on GL, you're not going to find it here. I can't stand the character and his various incarnations. That said, I'm still going to see the movie. I see fracking everything, so why wouldn't I see this? Even so, I want it to flop. I want it to flop hardcore! I'm talking about Pluto Nash flopping here people. Why? Well, I'll tell you why. In three reasons or less below.

(Image taken from: flix66.com)

3. The Price

So, the price of the flick is finally out, and...wow. It's huge. Three hundred million (!) dollars huge. Yowza! I just bit my knuckles. But I can definitely see why. Even the trailer alone looks expensive. It's one giant CG orgasm right in your face (EWE!) after another. But why? This isn't Batman we're talking about here. This is Green Lantern, who certainly has his fans, sure, but he isn't worth the price tag. Most people who've seen the trailer say that it looks awful and I actually disagree. But shame on the studio for allowing it to cost so much. Why couldn't Reynold's just wear a real costume instead of some CG crap? Why does it have to look so fake? Why is it just one big cartoon? All of these questions could be asked, but my question is this: Why did they spend so damn MUCH on the thing? I hate how much it costs. These are like Titanic totals. Blrg! I hope it only makes ten bucks for the studios arrogance to think this would actually do well. It would serve them right.

(Image taken from: shockya.com)

2. Other DC Characters deserve a movie more than GL

Have you ever even read Green Lantern before? It blows, man! DC in general sucks compared to Marvel, but Green Lantern is especially lame. I can see how it might look interesting on the big screen, but why make a movie about him when a Sandman flick has never gotten off the ground? Or a Lobo movie, even. Hell, what about Sgt. Rock? The fact is, there are plenty of other characters in the DC Universe that aren't in the Justice League. And I feel those movies might never get made because of the Green Lantern's of the DC World. Hopefully, if the movie flops, studios will decide to dig even deeper into the DC archives. Easy Co. deserves it, dammit.

(Image taken from: loyalkng.com)

1. If it fails, Ryan Reynolds can do Deadpool!

Okay, now here's the REAL reason that I hope Green Lantern fails. If it succeeds, they might make more of them, and that will mean that Ryan Reynolds will NEVER get to making a Deadpool movie. And I think he'd be PERFECT as Wade Wilson, that awful cameo in Wolverine Origins, notwithstanding. Some of the people who actually got their hands on the very R-Rated Deadpool script said it was divine, and I believe them. The thing about Deadpool is that I can't see anybody else besides Ryan Reynolds playing him, sort of like how I can't see anybody else besides Robert Downey Jr. playing Tony Starks. He just fits that role like a condom. Remember, before Reynolds became the buff action hero, he was making comedies like Van Wilder. And Deadpool is the best of both worlds, with great comedy and violence combined. If Green Lantern flops, then maybe Deadpool can finally get off the ground. And isn't that reason enough to hope the potential DC debacle flops? I think so, and you should think so, too. My opinion is valid and accepted in all 50 states and commonwealths, after all.

N-Bombs: Nintendo's 10 Most Exciting Moments of All Time

2011-06-13T14:49:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: Complex-mag.com)

You can find the article here at the video game section of Complex that I write for: http://www.complex.com/video-games/2011/06/10-most-exciting-nintendo-moments/

JJ Abrams Officially Gets My Most Frustrating Man in Hollywood Reward

2011-06-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: weekinrewind.com)

Oh, my God. Super 8 is so...good. It's very good, actually. But dammit, JJ, why can't it be great? Why can't ANYTHING you do be great? For directors and creators who make crap some of the time but greatness most of the time, I don't mind that. Scorsese is guilty of this offense and so is Spielberg, and they're always forgiven because when they're great, they're REALLY great. And I mean really. But JJ Abrams, you make such GOOD material that has so much potential and you always raise the bar SO high that when we finally get to the end, we're always like, "MAN, WHAT HAPPENED? You started off so WELL."

Take for example the mythos of Lost, which he co-created. The first season was great beyond measure. Smoke monsters, a survivalist who was once a cripple before he got to the island, polar bears (!). Everything was setting up for what could have possibly been the great sci-fi epic of our day. A serialized Twilight Zone with a continuous plot. Some people actually DID wind up staying to the end and loving the entire series, but many were disappointed. And you know why? Because anything Abrams is connected to, he can't conclude satisfyingly. He gets your blood boiling and your interest piqued, but it's never met with the excellent kind of ending that you would nod in approval and say, "Good, Lord, that was a masterpiece."

Instead, you always wind up saying, "Good, Lord, can't that man ever wind down a story correctly."

His most recent film Super 8 is in similar territory. Just watch the trailer.

Magnificent, right? From the stirring music, to the great pacing of the shots, to the looks on the children's faces, everything about it just spells classic. But it's not. Instead, it reaches soaring, majestic, precipitous heights, and then...it falls flat on its face. God, Abrams, you're so FRUSTRATING. And it's all because you're just so...good. And not great.

Sonic Generations Looks Soooooo Good. Me Wants It!

2011-06-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: armchairempire.com)

Wow. Whoa. And other adjectives that represent greatness. The new Sonic game, Sonic Generations, is, and I can't believe I'm saying this, the game that I'm most anticipating out of anything else that's coming out in the future. Yes, more so that Street Fighter X Tekken. I've given up on Sonic just like pretty much everybody else, but will definitely welcome him back into my life if he can score a good one with this new game. Anybody else with me?

The Top Ten Best Games Based on the DC Universe

2011-06-06T15:44:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from complex.com)

Unbelievably, this is actually one of my most popular articles ever. Check it out here: http://www.complex.com/video-games/2011/06/10-best-dc-games

Dschinghis Khan Is Better Than Abba

2011-06-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from: dedica.la)

You may know Dschinghis (pronounced, "Jingis") Khan. They got really big on the internet from this video:

Classic, I know. But that's not why I think they're better than Abba, as the title of this article suggests. The reason why I like them so much more than the two girl, two guy hitmakers is because, well, they never grew as BIG as Abba, so I couldn't grow to hate Dschinghisc Khan. But I DO hate Abba. Very much so, actually.

(Image taken from: musicmaven.wordpress.com)

That's not to say that Abba didn't make great songs. Are you kidding me? "Super Trouper"? "Dancing Queen"? "Mamma Mia"...Oh, "Mama Mia." Now THAT'S where I get upset with the group. "Mama Mia" is a very good song. An amazing song, actually. It's quirky, it's fun, and a great song to grab a hairbrush and sing into. It's just a magnificent number. But then, they made a Godawful musical off of it, and also, a terrible movie, which subjected us to listen to Pierce Brosnan "sing".

Rrrr Rrrrr Rrrr Rrrrr, Rrrrr Rrrrr, Rrrr Rrrr Rrrr Rrrr, Rrrr Rrrr. That's my impression of Pierce Brosnan singing.

I mean, seriously. That was just awful. But not as awful as the A*Teens, which also spawned off of Abba.

So, if you haven't already guessed, here's my problem with the group. Over the years, they were just TOO overexposed. And it's not like it was just their songs that I was hearing, which would have been fine. It's the fact that they allowed pretty much anybody to take their songs and do whatever they wanted with them. Smart, right? It created a perpetual money-making machine for the group.

But not so fast, hombre, as many people see Abba as too saccharine and goofy now. I remember during the 2008 Presidential election, people were actually making fun of John McCain because he said he had Abba on his Playlist. Like that was some kind of joke or something. Hur, hur, hur, look at that old fart! Listening to Abba. I would never vote for him. But ooh, what's Obama listening to? I sooooo want to vote for him if I find out that he has Marvin Gaye on his iTunes. I love that man.

It was a really silly reason for preferring one candidate over an another, but that just shows that people laugh at Abba today. Abba is a joke.

Dschinghis Khan is a joke, too, but if you look beyond "Moskau," they really, truly had songs that were just as good as anything Abba ever produced. Some of them were also more entertaining to watch as well. Don't believe me? Check this out:

That's fun! Or listen to this:

That's pretty! Sure, it doesn't have the universal appeal of Abba, but that's because they didn't sing in English. They chose to stay true to themselves and sing in their native language of Deutsch. They could sing in English, though. They just didn't want to:

I actually bought the group's greatest hits album and I just fell in love with it. And I'm being completely serious here. I really like the album. I still listen to it frequently while I turn the station whenever I hear Abba come on. I can't even listen to that group anymore. So, yeah, I think Dschinghis Khan is much better than Abba. Abba is not The Beatles, so please don't get on my case that their songs are timeless gems. They're not. They're great, but Abba's songs aren't perfection. And with overexposure, they kind of suck. So listen to some Dschinghis Khan, why don'tcha? They have a lot more songs than just "Moskau," you know.

Review: Drive Angry

2011-06-02T15:07:00.000-07:00

(Image taken from cinemablend.com)

I’ll see Nicholas Cage in anything. An-y-thing. I don’t care if he’s playing two struggling writers who are brothers, or if he’s screaming against wearing a helmet full of bees, if Nic Cage is in it, it’s going to be a blast. That said, I’d much rather see him in the former kind of film (Adaptation) than the latter (the abysmal The Wicker Man). Drive Angry, unfortunately, is the latter kind of film, and it’s a shame, too, because Nic Cage gives it his all. Too bad his all can’t make up for a godawful script and an ass-picking plot.

The Movie: Two stars out of five

Nic Cage’s action-hero career has always perplexed me for two reasons. One: Nic Cage is a seriously talented actor, and when he does drama, he normally knocks it out the park, so why doesn’t he just stick with drama? And two: Nic Cage, despite how many times he might snarl or grow out his hair, has never really looked like an action hero at all. Sure, he was awesome in movies like Con Air, because, well, Con Air was awesome. But most times, whenever he straps on leather or shoots an absurdly large gun at something, it’s ridiculous. And it just doesn’t make any sense why he would waste his time with something like Season of the Witch, or this piece of garbage, when he has an Oscar sitting at home for Leaving Las Vegas. I just don’t get it.

With that out the way, let me tear this film apart. Drive Angry sucks because it’s not consistent with its excessiveness. Early on, the film gets it right by having Cage wearing sunglasses and delivering lines like, “Hell’s already walking the Earth,” before he blows up a car for no apparent reason. That’s cool! It’s also cool when he bangs some waitress while smoking a cigar. Vintage badass right there. But you know what? After those two scenes, it gets all talky and boring, and the plot takes a further downturn when William Fichtner, who plays a character called The Accountant, comes into the movie. He’s from Hell and he’s trying to bring Nic Cage’s character back to Hell with him. But every time he’s on the screen, you know something stupid is going to happen. Like him flipping a quarter in the air only for him to catch it and it turns into an FBI badge. A hur hur hur! You tricked me there, movie. Just awful. And the action is second-rate and pedestrian. In a movie like Machete, it went balls to walls at every scene. But in this movie, it’s all patched together shoddily, and the 3D techniques are stupid and abused. On a non-3D TV, it just looks like one big gimmick after the other. Pass.

(Image taken from: igossip.com)

What makes matters worse is Nic Cage’s character, John Milton. He can’t die since he’s already dead. This lowers the stakes tremendously, and you never worry if he’s going to make it or not because he can always just come back again if he dies. So what’s the point of caring? There isn’t one. Also, the bad guy in the film is so lame that they even had to put a soul patch on him just to make you hate him.

Overall, Drive Angry is a piece of shit. The only reason it’s getting two stars at all is because Nic cage is in it, and no Nic Cage film deserves a single star. Not even Next. And while this may not be the worst Nic Cage movie ever (Bangkok Dangerous has it beaten), it’s up there. See it if you’re a fan of Nic. But if you aren’t, toss it to the dogs.

The Disc: One star out of five

What would an awful movie be without awful special features? There’s commentary on here, but it’s a pain to listen to. The director, Patrick Lussier, had what sounds like strep throat or a cold when he recorded it, so it’s annoying to even listen to him. What. The. Hell? Did he and the co-writer, Todd Farmer, have to do it on that day when he was sick? Maybe they did, but you just wish they would have left the commentary off the disc altogether if they knew it was going to sound this bad. Also, they talk about absolutely nothing at all. They actually have the stones to say that the performances in this film (other than Cage’s) are even worth your time. Are they serious? What a joke.

There are also two deleted scenes, but they’re worthless. Obviously, they were tacked on just so some poor sap could look at the back of the box and think they were getting something worthwhile. Well, guess what? You’re not. Finally, there’s the “Access: Drive Angry” feature, which has pop ups of trivia during the film that so many of these damn Blu-rays are putting out there nowadays. It’s a lot of non-interesting tidbits, aside from the fact that the movie got its title from the far superior film, Groundhog Day. Rent Drive Angry if you like Nic Cage, but don’t buy it. If I haven’t said it enough, this movie is a piece of garbage and it should be obliterated from the Earth. Avoid, avoid. avoid. [Or you could just rewatch Groundhog Day. - Ed.]